Going to work naked is literally a thing I have nightmares about.
It's also literally a thing I could do because I work from home writing weird articles on the internet and nobody has seen me in the real world since, like, 2016 anyway?
So if, for whatever reason, my nightmare scenario were to come true I'd be fine. Cold, probably very annoyed with my dogs, but fine since I'm alone on home turf.
Reddit user willtrent16 asked:
“ 'Go to work naked day' is now a mandatory national holiday. Which jobs have the worst outcome from this? "
I used to work with kids. 5th-8th grade kids.
I don't know if you've ever met a middle schooler but they are possibly the most terrifying predators in all of natural history. My old job working with middle schoolers gets my vote; but Reddit had some awful ideas, too!
Spicy Rain
"Welders."
- Cold-Ruin-3973
"Ooh spicy raindrops"
- saltyboi6704
"Am a welder. Tig is the only one I’d do naked haha. Mig and stick have too much spicy rain coming from them lol"
- MarionberryNo3166
"Overhead Flux would have your pecker looking like Anakin at the end of episode 3."
- BigPapaNurgle
Pink Would Stink
"Insulation installers; pink fibreglass everywhere."
- JimmyJazz1971
"As an electrical apprentice who has been crawling around an attic all day, I can comfortably say f*ck pink insulation and who made that sh*t so itchy!"
- Brothersunset
"I can feel this everywhere right now."
- TotallyInOverMyHead
On Company Time
company GIF
Giphy
"Septic tank divers."
"But on the upside, if they need to take a dump they can just do it without having to stop working!"
- RiddlingVenus0
"Always sh*t on company time."
- wananah
"I physically GAGGED."
- Mrs_Watzitooya
Teacher Trauma
"Grade school teachers."
- Lallner
"People who are homeschooled are freaking out right now."
- Bobbyjoethe3rd
"Specifically, brand new high school teachers."
"When I was student teaching, I was 22. I was teaching 17 and 18 year old seniors. It was bad, but it would have been even worse with no clothes."
- TheLonelySnail
The Source
glory cobra GIF
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"I'm a biochemist in a venom analysis lab."
"When I’m not in lab isolating venom proteins in DMSO and other chemicals that can help facilitate the passages of normally non permeable molecules through cell membranes, then I’m harvesting the venom from the source."
" 'The source' being venomous snakes."
"Blue jeans are basically the best armor that doesn’t compromise mobility. I mean, tromping through tall grass probably SHOULD mean chaps but they don’t work against large enough snakes and not getting struck at all will always be 99.999% of the effective safety practices we have developed against snake fangs."
"So even if I’m ok with wearing thinner long pants in the field I’m gonna keep that layer of mesh between my family jewels and strikes. I’ve had 2 close calls in that exact region."
- craftmacaro
Cranberry Spiders
dig in bob's burgers GIF by HULU
Giphy
"Working in a cranberry marsh seems like a really bad one."
"I’ve never been in a cranberry bog, but I know rice fields. If you're walking in water the goes up to your hips and it’s full of foliage or crops, it’s gonna wrap around you and it’s gonna get in some places."
"I would imagine trying to walk through a cranberry bog naked would not be fun."
- FlysDinnerSnack
"Also, cranberry bogs are filled with wolf spiders."
- Slant_Juicy
"I read an article about this that said:"
"'It turns out there’s a reason they ask prospective employees if they’re comfortable with spiders, and it’s a pretty wild one. You're going to have a hundred wolf spiders trying to climb your eyebrows during harvest.' "
"And now I want to know the spider leg quality control cut off point of cranberry products."
- CandiBunnii
"Today was the day I gave up eating all cranberry products for the rest of my life, thank you."
- dances_with_corgis
Hair Splinters
"God awful being a dog groomer. I get enough hair splinters wearing clothes…"
"Hair has a lot of structural integrity when its not long or old. It slices deep."
- Illustrious_Way_5241
"Hair splinters are SO annoying."
"I'm a Vet tech, I have to shave down pets for their surgical sites as part of the prep, I get them from that. I literally feel your pain."
- NurseMcStuffins
Nurse!
hospital hello GIF
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"Nurses, especially female nurses with all the creepy old men/altered mental status patients in hospitals."
- Less-Dirt-1673
"My germophobic self would rather get fired than have to go to work on this mandatory day."
- wankProcyon
An Hour
Excited Bear GIF
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"Kitchen work in general."
"I'm a chef. Judging by the amount of burns on my arms, I would burn my penis off in like an hour."
- atx00
"Once, at the end of working in a seasonal cooking job, I made good on my promise to show up to work in nothing but apron and Crocs."
"I lasted ten minutes on the line before bailing to get something between my skin and hot grease. So I can confirm that cooking naked is a terrible idea."
- kdubmaps
"For line cooks, the amount of time we spend bending over to reach coolers and pans and whatever would be absolutely revolting, and aprons don't solve that."
"Apparently a former cook at my job never wore underwear and while standing beside the very hot grill, it heated the zipper of his pants enough it caused some minor burns on his member."
"That is how we ended up having in the employee manual for uniforms, that the employee must wear underwear."
- tachibana_ryu
"I had a coworker that was wearing the fire retardant chef’s pants, and he accidentally leaned up against the edge of the flattop for a couple seconds."
"He was fine, he literally didn’t even feel heat, but his pants were scorched to hell."
"It probably would have been 2nd or 3rd degree through normal clothes… naked, you’d literally be cooking yourself…"
- Toss_Away_93
That's hot!
"Firefighters"
- RTwhyNot
"Use your hose! No the other one!!"
- ami2weird4u
"YOUVE TRAINED YOUR ENTIRE CHILDHOOD FOR THIS!"
- GolgiApparatus1
"There would be a lot of people attending that fire."
- lasvegaswil
Down to clown?
Eyes Reaction GIF by Sarah Squirm
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"Party clown, even worse if it is for a child's birthday"
- jaeger3344
"I'm not down with clowning, but where else are you inviting party clowns? Adult birthdays?"
- GavinBelsonsAlexa
"I seen clown getting hired for promoting stores and for events also"
- jaeger3344
" 'Look, children, a dachshund!' Squeaky noises 'and now it's a giraffe!' Squeaky noises 'And now it's a teddy bear!' Screams of horrified children"
- Kiyohara
"I feel like if you're hiring a party clown on the mandatory "go to work naked" day, you know exactly what you're getting. Could be their busiest time of the year"
- Lazy-Koala
Can we call in sick?
sick hey arnold GIF
Giphy
"As a chemist, I think I’ll just call in sick…"
- Bloorajah
"Bruh, molecular biologist checking in, I'm calling in sick too"
"I'm probably mostly EGFP positive at this point but still..."
- Durph08
"I work in a microbiology lab. Antibiotic-resistant infectious organisms galore. Right behind you."
- confictura_22
"I’m an environmental chemist. If we’re putting it in the environment it probably wouldn’t be that bad for my bare skin, right? …right?"
- aureliaxaurita
"As an industrial chemical vendor, I am also calling in sick. Partially because I don’t want to see all of the old naked men, partially because I don’t want my balls to be burned off by one thing or another."
- stepheno125
Now you see it...
"Magician"
- Corndog881
"Hey mister, where were you hiding those handkerchiefs?"
- 3CH0SG1
"Stripper Magician isn't far from it"
- HugoStiglitz007
"A stripper magician would be a wonderful addition to parties and funerals"
- calimbus
"All I can think of now is c*ck magic from south park"
- LuminaryOfTheStars15
That may be fun
Ignoring New York GIF by Muppet Wiki
Giphy
"Jackhammer operator."
- Various_Cricket4695
"I think the unhindered jangling of your bits while operating a jackhammer would be mesmerizing. Maybe even like a fan that goes at the exact right speed so that it appears to not be moving at all."
- Absenceofavoid
"You've got a beautiful way with words"
- BrokeInService
"A co-worker took a slow-mo of me running a jumping jack. If my noodle-arm in that vid is an indicator I'd have to say it'd look hilarious"
- BrokeInService
"That sounds like a jolly ol time"
- PoeLaHa
Insecurity guard.
"I think I'd have it pretty rough as security..."
- jluponeage
"Idk nobody wants to fight the naked guy"
- somebigdog
"Might you be... insecure?"
- CallMeABeast
"Same line of work man, though on night shift sometimes I feel I'm the only one who ain't nekked"
- EricWolf
More like "no no no!"
Christmas Santa GIF by Katy Perry
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"Mall Santas"
- LegendEchidna
"Bravo, this one got me"
- willtrent16
"Santa brought the North Pole with him this year!"
- felixfelix
"I imagine them only wearing a hat, the beard and the boots. LMFAO horrific"
- xccrunky
"They arent supposed to be naked?"
- SexyWomanNotMan
Dressers
"Strippers. Less business that day, probably. Everyone is at Hooters."
- NoAlternative2913
"They'd be called dressers for the day."
- Kom4r
"Yeah baby put it all on."
- ParisGreenGretsch
"That's when you make a business model out of putting clothes back on slowly. If anyone comes in late they miss some of the nudity and may wanna try and pay to get something back. Who knows I can see something coming of this"
- Got_It_Memorized_22
"5D response right here"
- crubbyDoubleNuts
Sargent!
full metal jacket GIF
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"Military, especially in an active warzone."
- WoXihuanKoujia
"I dunno man, if a dude is crazy enough to charge at me nude my first instinct might be to run and not let the nude dude wrestle me to the ground."
- 2_Facebook_Zucks·
"General Buttnaked did exactly that."
- thorpie88
"It's genius. They'll be looking for army guys and completely skip your naked ass"
- czs5056
"Idk why I found this so funny. But I immediately thought of the fact that instead of hearing the ominous sound of a thousand people marching with those heavy military boots it would be a thousand of the slaps you get when you run with bare feet"
- Lobi-Wan
So... Florida man?
"Alligator feeder at zoo"
- triniazhole
"This is normal in Florida, it's hot and Florida man aint got time to get dressed before wrangling him some gator."
- 2_Facebook_Zucks
"This is normal in Florida" is not a very convincing argument."
- TheUnholyRomanEmpire
"I live there; can confirm"
- TchaikenNugget
"Eh, is that beige vest and those khaki shorts really gonna make the difference between a pay check and death?"
- Current-Area-4291
Reddit brings up a lot of good points and fun new things for me to have anxiety induced nightmares about.
What other jobs would you add to the naked nightmare list?
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Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
Giphy
What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
Giphy
Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
Giphy
Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
Giphy
"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Giphy
"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
Giphy
"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
Giphy
"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
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