At the time of writing, Mother's Day is just around the corner. Though, if you ask anyone on any given day in the month of May, it tends to always be around the corner. It shouldn't though, because we should thank her as much as possible for putting up with many of us, but sometimes it's easier to share and discus what's the best thing they ever taught us.
Reddit user, u/giggglygirl, wanted to hear what your mom made you memorize when they asked:
What's the best advice your mom ever gave you?
Husband Goes On Chore Strike While His Wife Is Pregnant, And The Internet Has Feelings
You need to do your fair share.
A pregnancy will lead to massive lifestyle changes. Creating a baby is no easy feat, so diets, work schedules, and sleep schedules all need to shift accordingly. Typically, if both parties involved in the pregnancy are on board and understand that it's a difficult transition to build a human eyeball in a stomach, the 9-month endeavor can go smoothly. If not? Well, then we get a situation like the one below.
Reddit user, u/Anonwife139, raised a few eyebrows when she told her story entitled:
My (30f) husband (36m) has gone on a chore strike
While strangely uncommon for a husband to go on a chore strike, perhaps it's for an understandable reason. Maybe it's to help redistribute the wealth or maybe he has a big project at work coming up and needs to really buckle down. That wouldn't change the fact he's a jerk, but still. It wasn't that, though, as Anonwife139 described:
My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We both work and have usually done a decent job of dividing the chores. I am 7 months pregnant with our first child.
Since becoming pregnant, certain chores have become really tough for me. For example, I have a lot of trouble doing the laundry because I can't bend/lift like I used to. I also struggle with things like cleaning the bathroom because I have to get down on the floor. The doctor has recommended that I cut way back on physical activity as it is.
I sat down with my husband and told him that we need to redistribute the chores and he got very upset. He said that I'm using the pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy and that he shouldn't have to do my chores. I suggested that we swap some chores because his usual chores (cooking, doing dishes) would be much easier for me to handle. He refuses to listen and said that he likes his chores and doesn't want to do mine.
Now I am trying to keep up with my responsibilities but have been falling short. My husband decided that since I'm not doing my half of the chores, he won't do his. Now I feel like I have to do all the essential housework because he refuses to take care of himself, me, or the house. With this on top of the job and the pregnancy, I'm not sure how much more I can handle. How can I address this and help him see how unreasonable he's being?
TLDR my husband refuses to swap chores to accommodate my pregnancy and now won't do chores at all
People most definitely had words for her layabout husband.
Let The Professionals Do Their Jobs
Dear god...
Well, I guess if I were you my next step would be to bring him to an OB/GYN appt and have the doctor explain why the chores need to be temporarily swapped. But wow OP. I really, REALLY wonder how your husband is going to handle midnight feedings and such.
Best Start Talking It Out Now
Good heavens, how's he going to be once you've actually given birth and need time to rest and heal?
I'd insist on marriage counseling, starting right now. For better or worse? Sickness and health? What the actual f-ck is he thinking?
Take It From Someone Who's Been There
My (soon to be ex) husband said almost those exact same words to me - that I was using the pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy. This was in the last couple weeks of pregnancy and I was miserable. He never did very much to help around the house or with our children. I spent another 11 years like that (there were other issues in our marriage, but this was a big one) and it was awful. Don't be me, OP. Set firm boundaries, go to couple's counseling, and if things don't change, leave. I'm sure it's scary to think about that since you have a baby on the way, but I was a single mom with my first child and it was easier than having my second child with my husband. Be strong- you got this.
Maybe A Big Change Is What You Need
Hey Op, do you live close to your parents or family? I'd suggest given your husband's petulance and lack of support that you move home for a while.
Cuz chores aren't an employment contract. They're the basic things you do to maintain your home and doing more because your spouse is pregnant and can't keep up is an absolute basic thing to expect from your husband.
Given his petulance, it sounds like you two need counselling. But given his current behaviour he's going to say nothing is wrong.
Not to mention physical labour is a bad idea at certain stages of the pregnancy. Basically, that's very little you can do about your husband at the moment (if at all). So move out and go home. Get some help from family or your parents or friends.
And hopefully this is the short, sharp shock he'll need to raise you guys need to talk to a relationship therapist and actually work at it.
(personally his refusal to do chores to begin with in the relationship would have made me dump him all those years back. Ugh. But well I assume there are reasons you want to stay married)
Walk A Ten Feet In Their Shoes
Maybe he should strap a 15-20 lb weight around his stomach and then try and complete his chores!
Fatherhood is going to hit him like a ton of bricks.
Edit: I was told 30 lbs would be more accurate.
Have The Signs Always Been There?
We both work and have usually done a decent job of dividing the chores.
hes always been touchy about the housework. It took a lot of time for me to convince him to do the chores he has now.
Uh huh.
How can I address this and help him see how unreasonable he's being?
At this point? By telling him he can either go with you to a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer.
He's not just failing to do his chores through negligence. He is actively refusing to be a partner, or a member of your family. It honestly sounds like he doesn't care about you, or the pregnancy, at all.
Honestly, what was your relationship like before you got pregnant? Did you feel loved, cherished, emotionally supported?
Form A "Reality Check" Intervention
Time to call in the troops for a good old fashioned shaming.
Anyone from his side of the family, friends of his, your doctor, etc. They need to come together & get him to see he needs to cowboy up on this shiz.
You're seven months preggos. You're already doing extra work just by virtue OF GROWING A NEW HUMAN. He can scrub a toilet for a few months. Jesus.
Also, mother of 2 myself. I just read your post to my husband & he had some serious not-nice words for him which I will not repeat here but yeah, your husband/apparent first born is being a dingle. Call in whoever you have to to get him to see reason because what happens AFTER the baby arrives & you're stuck dealing with 4th trimester crap and TWO babies.
Find Solidarity In Those That Have FIxed Their Situations
I'm currently 9 months pregnant, found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks. Ever since then my husband has:
- done most of the cooking, dishes, and other kitchen stuff
- done almost all of the cleaning, especially anything laborious
- put together the nursery (painting, furniture, fixing the moulding, etc.)
- attended all of my ob/gyn appts with me
- run out to buy things for me when I need/want them
- generally been attentive to my needs
I'm not saying this to brag or be a jerk but because it is what I would expect a father to do. I'm carrying our son--he understands the toll that is taking on my physical and mental health. He loves me and is kind to me. Again, that seems like the bare MINIMUM you should expect from your life partner.
This is not going to get better when you have a baby in the house who cries all the time, needs feeding and changing on the hour, and deprives you both of sleep.
I strongly suggest you go to a counselor now to talk about expectations after the baby is born. And if he can't make some significant change and show some damn empathy.
The Beginning Of The End
This truly is the beginning of the end. This ball of yarn is eventually going to unravel. But, because of everything, naturally, you are going to try to make it work for a while longer. But always keep it in the back of your mind being married to someone that selfish is a house built on sand. Take every step and measure to protect yourself when it ends. Make sure you have income, a job, saving socked away, and your own separate attorney. I know you think we're all crazy for saying stuff like this.
But it is just one of those things that is obvious from a mile away but invisible when up close.
Escalation
Pregnancy is hard on your body and uses a lot of energy and resources... does he debate this?
You physically can't take laundry out of the washer at this size... what's his solution?
Your doctor believes your level of physical activity is harming the fetus... does he care?
I think you should move in with your mother for now. He has escalated his "response" by going on strike. Your ONLY OPTION here (other than doing all his chores) is to show him you are also willing to escalate.
Shutting Down
I agree with many people here who are saying marriage counseling. However, if he's been great for five years and is just now freaking out, then it's probably because he's freaking out about a lot more than chores. I bet he's the type of guy that likes routine. I would bet that he's scared of how crazy life is going to become after baby is born and this is him acting out.
This is a lot of speculation but I would bet this hits close to home. I would bring this up when you go to marriage counseling. However, he has shut down and you need to talk to someone soon. I don't think you should hit the object button though. Impending fatherhood is terrifying and I don't think everyone remembers that.
Maturity
This seems like a case of you ignoring what he tells you. You shouldn't have to convince your husband to do those work, I understand if you did. But are you truly surprised that he didn't want to do any more housework? Especially when he didn't want to do it in the first place?
While you're saying he's married a lot since you met him, that doesn't mean he's anywhere near mature enough for a baby.
Simple logic says, you are 7 months pregnant, n bending over is hard. Someone who refuses to see that isn't mature.
You have a long battle ahead of you, please open your eyes and prepare yourself to take care of that baby 24/7, because you won't have the energy to convince your husband to take care of your baby with you, you'll be doing that alone and he will barely lift a finger, I've seen it so many times.
Omen
Sounds like husband plans on being a Kodak Moment Father. I hope you're ready for him to just abandon you when it comes to baby maintenance and assume that you'll still do the housework in a timely manner even though you haven't slept in a week and you're still in pain and oozing god knows what from the birth.
This is an omen, OP. Husband thinks chores are women's work and you know it. If you still want to roll with this, have your doctor tell him face-to-face.
More Harm Than Good
My mother has a lifelong hernia because my father refused to lighten her burden after she'd just had a C-section. He said she was being lazy. I was so glad they eventually got divorced because it was indicative of exactly who he f***ing was in every way.
What would a person who loved you do?
Open People Share Their Accidental Racist Moments
[rebelmouse-image 18353408 is_animated_gif=We don't mean it. None of us ever do. However, we live and engage in a cultural zeitgeist that is constantly pouring into our heads at all hours of the day, for years on end. At some point, something none too pleasant regarding race would have slipped in. What's important is understanding it and working to make sure it never happens again. Fortunately, you're not alone, as evidenced by the answers to Reddit user, r/RealG98's question:
What's your "accidentally racist" moment?
2 Hours Later...
[rebelmouse-image 18353409 is_animated_gif=My dad asked a black, female employee at Wal-Mart for some help with picking a good watermelon. "You look like you would probably know what's the best watermelon!".
His intentions were to be "I've seen you in produce many times. You seem to be the person to ask advice on choosing what is best to buy".
He didn't realize his mistake until he was watching tv hours later and refused to go back for 2 months.
When The Menu Leads You Astray
[rebelmouse-image 18353410 is_animated_gif=I wanted Indian food. My friends wanted Italian. After sitting down at an Italian restaurant, I open the menu and joke, "I don't see any Indian food."
I look up at our Indian waiter asking for our orders. Erm.
And There It Was...
[rebelmouse-image 18353411 is_animated_gif=I told my coworker he had gorilla hands. He's black.
As soon as I said it I had a JD moment from Scrubs where I just screamed internally for 10 straight seconds.
Wow, There Has To Be A Better Word For That
[rebelmouse-image 18353412 is_animated_gif=My partner is Cuban, before meeting her I had never eaten a papaya.
I told her parents about how she gave me my first papaya to eat. Apparently papaya is slang for lady parts in some part of Cuba. Really wish I hadn't told her dad how surprisingly juicy the papaya his daughter gave me was.
Not so much racist as a clash of cultures I guess but still mortifying.
Close Call
[rebelmouse-image 18353414 is_animated_gif=I was heading to work and waiting to cross the street at an intersection. As the cross walk sign went from a red hand indicating "wait" to a white man indicating "walk", a jogger runs ahead of us and nearly gets hit by a car who tried to turn on red.
After being stunned from seeing this jogger nearly get hit, the driver has the audacity to loudly honk her horn at him when it was clearly her mistake. Fuming from the adrenaline from seeing this guy nearly get killed I yell out at the driver, "HEY, HE WAS WHITE!!" Referring to the white man sign indicating "walk" - Not the white guy who ran across the street.
Immediately after yelling this I realize how this could be totally misconstrued now seeing the woman driving is black and staring at me. Adding to this, I realize I'm walking in the same direction as many of my colleagues to work.
I walk a different direction to work now.
And On That Note...
[rebelmouse-image 18353415 is_animated_gif=I was in downtown LA camping on the sidewalk with friends for the opening of episode 1. Middle of the night i decide to walk to the convenience store, taking me through a pretty sketchy area. Waited a long time at the cross walk and a homeless looking black man walks up to me and says "whatchu waitin for, no traffic now".
Without thinking i replied "i walk when the white man tells me to".
He replied "you an me both brother".
Calling The Kettle...
[rebelmouse-image 18353416 is_animated_gif=I'm a firefighter paramedic and just the other day we had a medical aid call for a Chinese woman complaining of pain.
She localizes her pain to her upper right abdomen, where the liver is located. One side effect of liver failure, something that could cause that pain, is jaundice, or yellowing of the skin.
So I absent mindedly said, 'hmmm, you look a little yellow...' and my captain immediately walks right up to me, looks at me incredulously and asks 'really?!'
Fortunately the patient and family missed it.
Only Drink Clear Vodka From Now On
[rebelmouse-image 18353417 is_animated_gif=This thing might be a bit hard to translate , but it fits the theme.
Whole thing happened in Poland (I'm polish as well) I was at a party once, and there was this black guy from Africa. He knew polish so he had no trouble getting along with everybody. At one point he brought a strawberry flavored vodka and was running around offering it to everyone. He approached me and said "you want some?" To which I replied - " Thanks, I don't like colored ones" (Dzi?ki, nie lubi? kolorowych).
Took ma a while to realize what I said, but he immediately knew that it was about vodka, not him.
We had a good laugh about it.
I'm Taking It Back
[rebelmouse-image 18353418 is_animated_gif=Growing up I was playing with my neighbors. I'm pretty much the only white kid around. My friends were being goofy and not focusing on the basketball game we were playing, so I playfully call them porch-monkeys and encourage for the game to continue....
Well, their guardian/Aunt heard me and lifted me up by one arm and took me inside. Asked me the who/what/where/why of the word, and I explained it just means goofy kids or rugrats to me and thats what my dad would call us if we were playing around and he couldn't hear the tv....
So we ended up going back to my place for the adults to talk lol.
Seriously, There Has To Be A Better Name For That
[rebelmouse-image 18353419 is_animated_gif=I used to live in a remote town deep in the woods of Northern California with my dad. He had an Australian Shepherd named "Black" who was always getting into trouble. Anyway, I've got Black in the car at a gas station, go in to pay, come back out and he has jumped out of the car and is running across the street. I just start yelling "Black! Black!! No!!! BLAAAACK!!!" at the top of my lungs.
Suddenly comes into focus an African American family at a pump between me and the dog, staring at me.... completely horrified. I'm like... "I'm sorry..... my dog's name is Black..... He just ran across the street". The family looks across the street in unison, Black is nowhere in sight. Time slows down. I make a show of running across the street to look for him. Finally, thank god, as they were leaving I had Black by the collar and was dragging him back to the gas station.
The whole family bursts out laughing. The dad was yelling "BLAAACK" and pointing at me as they pulled away.
When You Make An Assump Out Of Tion
[rebelmouse-image 18353421 is_animated_gif=This was about 5 years ago. Girlfriend and I are throwing a joint birthday party at our house (her and 2 friends share a birthday), we had done a lot of work and cooking to prep for the party.
The doorbell rings, girlfriend and I answer it, open the door to find an Asian man holding a large brown paper bag who immediately asks "Is Tim here?". I was a little offended after all our hard work cooking and turn back to yell across the room and over the entire party:
"Tim, did you order f_*_ing Chinese food?!!".
Asian guy sees Tim and steps past me to give him a hug and pulls the bottle of Scotch out of the brown bag that he had bought as a gift for his birthday...
In my defense who doesn't introduce themselves to the hosts of a party the first time they come to your door! Lol.
Never quite did live that one down, but the Asian guy (Japanese in fact) and I are actually really good friends now to this day! Even the night of we were able to laugh about it after I apologized profusely.
Maybe Next Time Check For Ron Weasely Award
[rebelmouse-image 18353422 is_animated_gif=When I worked as a summer camp counselor, we gave themed awards to our campers at the end of the week. One week, I choose Harry Potter as my theme.
I gave the only black kid in my cabin the Sirius Black award.
What Would That Even Sound Like?
[rebelmouse-image 18353423 is_animated_gif=My brother, picking up a Black Hyundai Accent at the address he was given:
Walks up to front desk of the office building.
"Hey, uh... I'm looking for a guy with an Accent."
Girl at front desk: "oh? What kind of accent?"
Thinks a moment.
"I dunno. A black one?"
Maybe Take A Gander Around The Office
[rebelmouse-image 18353424 is_animated_gif=I'm a lawyer and my paralegal is always trying to leave a little early. It's a game we play; she'll buy me a cookie at lunch and then plead to go home early. Usually I allow it because cookie.
Once we actually had some strict deadlines to meet so when she asked I said "no! I own you and I'm chaining you to your desk!"
There was silence. I totally forgot that she was black.
Her response was to slowly raise her hand and say "I object".
So Close!
[rebelmouse-image 18353425 is_animated_gif=My 'almost' accidentally racist story.
I watched a lot of Looney Tunes as a kid and I used to say How Now Brown Cow? whenever a friend was thinking about something or was in a tough spot in a game.
Well, in college I was playing pool with a very overweight African American girl and I had left her in a terrible position on the table. Her only choice really was to just whack the hell out of it. Just as she lined up to shoot I said, "How now brow......uh, good luck!"
Oh, The Shame
[rebelmouse-image 18348211 is_animated_gif=I was waiting to cross the road with my girlfriend one day when I got a really strong waft of Chinese food. Unsurprisingly it had come from a nearby restaurant.
My automatic response was to exclaim "Oooh! I smell Chinese!".
And as I turned back towards my girlfriend I realised that we were standing next to two little old Chinese ladies who were looking at me in horror and disgust.
The shame.
Stop The First Time
[rebelmouse-image 18353426 is_animated_gif=I was an odd dude in high school and one of my schticks was to endearingly call people in my grade cute animal names. So for example I would go up to someone I knew and be like "hey little puppy."(don't ask why) anyway one day I was going up to say hi to the one black girl in our grade and I say "hey monkey!" It took me a second to realize what I had done but it was too late. So in order to remedy the situation I turned to the Indian girl beside her and said "hey other monkey!" to her in order to prove I wasn't racist.
That didn't over well either....
Dude, Read The Room
[rebelmouse-image 18348642 is_animated_gif=I walked into a room full of Irish people and after a moment laughingly said "you all sound like a bunch of Micks!" They were all relatives of my friend/former roommate MICK get married here in the USA.
I was ignorantly expressing my delight in their accent by stating they sounded like my friend. But NOOOOOO.
Apparently calling an Irishman a Mick is the equivalent to calling a black person the N word. Back to the story. The...room...froze... I knew something was up but no idea what. "You guys all sound like Mick." The room burst out in laughter and they explained my error.
"Accidentally On Purpose"
[rebelmouse-image 18353427 is_animated_gif=Accidentally racist is not the good story for me, it is the accidental/purposeful one that is.
My wife is asian, and one day early in our relationship I was asking what random things were called in her language, and I asked what they call the epicanthic folds of their eyes. She said, and I quote "I don't know, we just call it chinky."
Now, most people may know that is not a good term to use in the US. So, after my laughs, I asked if she knew why the term isn't used here, she didn't, so I explained why we don't say that and we laughed because it was funny.
It becomes an inside joke between us in the house, me calling her chinky and she pretends to be indignant and then laughs.
Roll forward a couple years, we move back to the US, she meets my (all white) family, its all good. After a year or so, at a family gathering I slip and asked her a question and added chinky at the end. I heard the record scratch you hear in movies in my head before my whole family turns on me.
When we got home after that she asked me to never call her that in public again because most of my family, in ones and pairs, took her to the side and asked if she was OK and how what I did was wrong, etc, etc.
I changed to saying Stinky instead and she hates that one.
Just So Much Wrong With That Call...
[rebelmouse-image 18345132 is_animated_gif=I referee soccer and one time a team wearing white was playing against a team wearing red. The ball goes out of play touched by a red player. A black player on the white team goes to throw the ball in, and I point to confirm that the throw-in is for the white team and I say "Black ball", instead of white ball.
Everybody looks at me knowing full well what happened. I tried to play it off as having said "Back there" but I highly doubt anyone bought that.
H/T: Reddit