u/_jaysco_ asked:
Deaf people of reddit who used to be able to hear, what sounds do you miss the most?
Here were some of those answers.
Just People
GiphyI'm losing my hearing slowly - right now I just miss when I didn't have to ask people to repeat themselves so often. And I'm sad that a lot of times if I can't make out what was said the third time I just give up and nod like I did.
Tweeting
Birds.
My cat meowing to be let in.
The kettle going off when its boiled.
Most music.
Being able to go to the movies.
One-Two Step
I'm deaf in my right ear though. I miss not having to do a weird twostep and dance around somebody to make sure I'm on the side I can hear them, and then explain to people who don't know why I want that side facing them. Or walking with my head turned so I can hear them whilst trying not to walk into anything. Worse when people try to whisper in my ear and I have to turn my head at close proximity and risk rubbing noses with them.
A Second Chance
I had hearing, then gradually lost it, and it was restored by a cochlear implant. So I got a second chance!
What I really missed was "normal" conversation. Being able to talk with someone without asking a zillion times what they said, or struggling to hear every other word and then put the parts together. Family dinners were really hard. I could hear the person across from me, but everything else was a blur. People would laugh and I wouldn't get the joke.
That's all changed!
Some of the more fun things I've rediscovered: my Maine Coon cats purring - very loud and quite often. The quiet rumble of distant thunder. My fridge has an alarm when the door is left open.
Grateful? Hell yeah.
Give And Take
I miss being able to hear my daughter's laugh.
I definitely don't miss the crying though.
Feeling Left Out
I went to watch Avengers End Game on the weekend, and I remember distinctly being able to hear less and less with every Marvel movie really. I genuinely heard about 10% of the entire movie dialogue. The cinema was laughing at scenes and I had no idea what happened. All the discussions everyone had after taught me more about the movie than what I had even watched. It was incredibly frustrating, about an hour in I just wanted to go home and cry from trying so hard to actively hear and not hearing anything at all, and it gets so emotionally draining like that most days, being with friends and not hearing anything or always having to ask to repeat and always just being behind and feeling stupid.
Don't ruin your hearing, it is an incredibly precious and fragile thing.
As We Go On
I'm slowly losing my hearing, I miss not having to hold the remote in my hand to turn up/down the volume while my SO is sleeping. When there's just talking I have to turn it up, then action scenes, music and background noise is too loud so I have to turn it back down. I turned the subtitles on a few months ago and it's changed my life!
I miss not having to say "I can't hear you, you need to yell at me". Like when I'm doing dishes, I can't hear someone who's standing next to me talking normally.
My miss the feeling of clear ears. Mine constantly feel like I need to pop them. Luckily I live on a mountain so once in a while when I'm going down the mountain one of my ears will give a good pop and feels better for a little while.
I miss not hearing my voice echoed in my head. If you don't know what I mean, put your fingers in your ears and talk.
It's all around sh*tty, but I've accepted my fate.
A Far-A-Way Talk
I can sorta still hear (Cochlear) but I lost my hearing back when I was 5...in 1986. I remember talking on the landline phones at the time and while I could clearly hear the person, they sounded far away. That's what I remember. I wonder if landline phones sound like that today still.
Lost My Balance
My mom has sudden neural sensory hearing loss in both ears. Luckily the cochlear implants worked. However, music does not sound the same at all. She loves live music and always played CDs at home. She is very sad about how music sounds. She can only listen to music she knows because her brain sort of fills in the gaps. But any new music just sounds weird to her. Losing her hearing changed her life. Coincidentally, since hearing loss is an inner ear problem, she doesn't drink anymore. She says it already feels like she's had a margarita, 24/7.
Back To The Birds
GiphyNot deaf but hearing-impaired. I love walking in the woods, and greatly miss the sound of birds chirping. The woods used to sound full of life. Now I can't hear them at all for the most part, and just listen to one of those "Sounds of Nature" CD's of bird song at high volume.
Scientists are about to start testing a drug that has successfully regrown ear hair cells in mice, so I'm hopeful that 10 years from now that I'll be able to hear again.
u/CaspertheGhostsFarts asked:
What is one thing you had never noticed before it was pointed out to you, but now you notice it all the time?
Here were some of the answers.
The Wild Beasts Howl And The Wild Winds Blow
GiphyThat in ancient cultures 40 was used as a general "quite a few." Not an uncountable amount, not infinite, but more than you want to casually count. In these old civilizations, where literacy was a treasure, being able to count to 40 was as much as most people cared to do.
Now any time I hear Bible stories, it strikes me (again) how silly literal interpretation based on the English version is.
Rained for 40 days and 40 nights = it rained for quite a while.
Fasted and prayed for 40 days.... wandered in the wilderness for 40 years.... it is EVERYWHERE
Tricks Of The Trade
My friend showed me how sometimes in a movie, when there's a character approaching the camera, they'll glance down at an out of shot cue-spot taped on the ground before the scene starts so they know exactly where to stop walking. Ever since he pointed that out to me I notice it in nearly every movie I see
The City That Never Sleeps
In NYC we have sewer drains on pretty much all the street corners, if you look on the curb above them you'll notice little spray paint marks.
Been living here for over 50 years and when one of those trucks came by my house to suck all the debris out the driver pulled out a few cans and marked it. I asked him why, he said that's how they keep track of when it was last cleaned, they have a color code chart that they check.
Now I see it all over the place.
For an image of what I'm talking about take a look here.
Diction Is Important
When I was about 10 years old, I took vocal lessons for a little while. For one of the songs I wanted to learn, the teacher told me that I kept singing "choo" instead of "you." She said people do it all the time when singing, and it always annoys her when she hears it in a song. Now I hear "choo" constantly when the singer is trying to say "you."
Not Actually A Viable Option
GiphyIn movies when people crawl through the air conditioning ducts. Somehow it always seems to be perfectly lit INSIDE the duct, no air flowing, VERY clean and NO screws to tear them up. I have worked around enough commercial HVAC equipment and installations to know that these are the stupidest things I have seen in movies and shows. In the real world you would not be able to see, be fighting very cold and fast air flowing while getting tore up by all the screws used to put the ducts together plus it will not be at all clean. Whoever came up with this misleading idea for entertainment is a jerk and a liar.
The President's Entire Platform
This may sound weird, but ad hominems. My best friend, who was on a debate team, introduced me to the term. For anyone who doesn't know, an ad hominem is when you attack the person rather than the argument/position he has (ieeg telling a guy he is "too young" to understand politics).
Since he told me about it, I've noticed how almost every person I try to have a discussion with, at some point, says an ad hominem to try to discredit my point by referencing me instead of explaining why the point is wrong. I realized then how often I use it during arguments, and I now actively try to stray away from it.
An Eye For Detail
I read somewhere that pretty much everything you see on screen is meaningful. Because literally every second of screen time costs so much money to develop (between cast, crew, editing, production, etc.), there is almost nothing "throwaway" that happens on the screen. If you see someone coughing, that's usually not just someone who is randomly coughing, as you say.
I had a somewhat related experience when I saw a recognizable actor in the background of a movie (it was a hospital drama, I think the one where Alec Baldwin has a god complex). My wife and I said "well, there's the bad guy." No way he's randomly in that shot.
Everything on screen is meaningful in some way. If someone randomly mentions that her brother is an elephant trainer in Kenya, that's probably going to be important later. If the movie takes a second to show someone putting an object on a table, it's because the movie needed to show you that object on the table.
It kind of changes the way you watch movies and television, honestly.
Aids For Enforcement
A small, inconspicuous blue light installed near a busy intersection that operates exactly in time with one of the signals. It's viewable from an area where a waiting police officer (who cannot actually see the traffic signal) can then know without a doubt who ran the red, and is then in a position to easily and safely make a traffic stop on the offender. I was on a ride-along a few years ago with one of our local officers who pointed this out to me. This particular one was slaved to a left-turn signal and it was positioned on the back of the signal pole such that the officer was ready to pull over scofflaws as soon as they completed their illegal left turn.
Oddly Sexualized Film Techniques
If an action movie has a female character with combat skills, you can bet there is a scene where she throws an enemy by doing this weird move where she wraps her legs around the enemy's head and spins.
Fight choreography in movies has gone to complete sh*t in the last 10 years and it's mostly poorly done fast cuts that are really hard to follow. John Wick excluded.
A Twinge Of The Eyes
When somebody points out input lag on a gaming system.
Another example is someone pointing out that Mario Kart 8 ran at 59fps instead of 60fps. This meant that every second, one frame would repeat itself and the game would stutter for 1/60 of a second. You couldn't notice it until they pointed it out and once they did, you could never unnotice it.
Here's what I mean. Also worth mentioning it was fixed in the switch port.
u/spammymonkey laid out the situation for us:
My (26F) boyfriend (28M) refuses to meet my parents. We have been dating for three years.
So I've been dating this guy for three years and you'd think we would already make the step to meeting each other's families. I will also add that we have been living long distance for about two years but I see him for extended periods of time about six times a year.
I haven't met his family yet. He hasn't met mine. Everytime I bring up the topic he gets defensive and refuses to do so. He's normally a pretty private person.
His reasoning is that he likes to spend time with me as an escape from all the other people he has to talk to in his job. And meeting my parents is disturbing the status quo. Is this normal? I'm thinking of ending it but I'm having a really hard time. I would like to be mature about the whole situation, and have tried to talk to him but he doesn't want to.
TL;DR boyfriend of three years doesn't want to meet my parents and he refuses to talk about it.
Here was some of the advice she got.
One
GiphyThere are 2 scenarios here:
- His family is abusive or something along those lines and isn't really big on the whole meeting the family ordeal
- He's keeping you secret and doesn't want people to know about you (not saying he's cheating or something but I have seen those instances)
Either way he needs to give you a proper reason. Relationships are about compromise. He should be willing to meet your family for you but you don't have to see his family if he doesn't want.
So communicate with him basically.
Two
Hmm. This is tough not knowing more about the situation. My gut reaction is something is up. I have a friend where this happened- his girlfriend just never brought him around her family and they were together for years. She had a medical emergency and when he called her parents to tell her, they had no idea who he was. Turns out she had another boyfriend and that's why she never told her parents about him.
I think his reason is bs- this is life and you gotta talk to people. "Disturbing the status quo" is some crap too. There is something fishy going on here, and I would tell him that he needs to explain himself or you're done.
Three
he likes to spend time with me as an escape from all the other people he has to talk to
That's not what a relationship is meant to be. A relationship isn't an escape from real life, it is a part of your life. A partner is someone that joins you for family events, for social events, maybe even work functions. Your boyfriend doesn't see you like this. Maybe he has another girlfriend, maybe he doesn't, but either way, he sees you as something separate to his life. And that's not fair. You are more than just a hobby to provide him with stress relief. You are someone who wants to comingle your lives together, which is 100% normal after 3 years!
Time to be done with this relationship. It's not going anywhere.
Four
So everyone's jumping to the idea that you're his side piece or at best someone he sees as a casual fling which, yeah, does sound very possible.
But even if that's not true, this is a really reasonable dealbreaker! I couldn't deal with it, and I'd absolutely dump him if I were you. My boyfriend is a bit resistant about family stuff (his family history is...complicated), and even that gets tiring for me to deal with sometimes, although I understand and respect where he's coming from and he does come with me when it's important.
I hope he'll eventually become more open to joining me for family stuff, but I'm 100% okay if he doesn't because he's still there for the big stuff. I could never build a life with someone who refused to even meet my family, and after 3 years that's what you're doing. So who even cares if he has a secret wife or whatever? If your parents are important to you, and he refuses to even discuss meeting him, cut him loose.
Five
GiphyUmm. I would recommend reading your post and your answers as another person and think about what advice you would give your friend if she came to you with this issue.
It seems that he doesn't see a future with you, which is why he refuses to answer your question about the future. If he says no future since you are only a temporary thing for him, then you will break up with him, but if he gives no answer and strings you along, then he can get laid in the meantime and then dump you when he is ready to find the person he wants to settle down with.
Thats why he hasn't introduced you to family. No point in going through all that for someone that will be a free agent soon.
Six
It's fine if he sees you as an escape and doesn't want to disturb the status quo, but unless that's the way you want your relationship to remain then I think it's time to bail. He's basically telling you that he likes to date you but doesn't ever see the need to go further or do more... which is fine for some people and doesn't make him a bad person, but it may mean you're incompatible if you want more than that. And if you do want more than that, then go find that because you're not going to get it from him.
Seven
I suspect he's hiding you for some reason, or he has a poor relationship with his family and isn't really big on the whole family thing in general. No matter the reason, if you want a partner who is family-oriented then this might not be the guy for you. After three years in a relationship, things are usually getting pretty long term serious and not communicating his thoughts about this to you is quite frankly unacceptable. Imagine potentially attending family holiday gatherings on your own forever while he does his own thing.
I dated someone about five years who was the ladder. He met my parents maybe 2-3 times, and would make excuses for why he needed to go home early and to not attend family events with me. He also avoided spending time with his own family on holidays. It just wasn't important to him, even though it was extremely important to me.
Eight
I am very sympathetic to someone not wanting you to meet their parents, as long as they explain why. People have different relationships with their parents. My partner only met my parents a week before we moved in together.
However, if you want them to meet your parents, and you express that it is important to you, it is really not normal or ok for your partner to refuse (barring extremely unusual circumstances).
Nine
For all you wrote, I still don't have any sense of who he is. He works, included you in work functions, and you see each other now and then. What kind of person is he, what does he hope for, what are his friends like, do you imagine future things together?
He sees you as an escape: What, like a relief valve for his real life, instead of someone he wants to bring into that life? Can you find out what he's "escaping" from? Family expectations, his main girlfriend, or having to grow up?
He is very private, doesn't share much: Maybe his family's intrusive, maybe he doesn't have a lot of thoughts to share, maybe he doesn't want deeper connections?
Not wanting you to meet his family: Could be they don't have a good relationship. Or they'll assume it means he's serious about you, but he isn't and wants to put off telling you.
It might ease his mind to tell him that meeting them is off the agenda for now. What's more important is if he'll tolerate talking about your future, what his family's like, etc. Normal things.
Ten
GiphyYes, it's weird as hell and a red flag for a number of reasons. It's not normal to want to keep everyone in their own place separate from anyone else in your life. This speaks to, at best, emotional or psychological issues that he should be addressing in therapy. At worst it means he's doing things that he feels he needs to hide from a variety of people, so he keeps everyone compartmented away so no one will compare notes or trip up his careful narratives.
And even if it's not anything sinister like another woman or the fact he has something big to hide from you and lots of people, even if it's that he doesn't see you as anything but Ms. Right Now instead of Ms. Right until she comes along, the fact is you cannot have a full relationship with someone who sees you only as an "escape." You should not be placed in the same category as a bottle of booze or an entertainment center or a fun night out to get away from things, which is kind of what his description and insistence of your role has placed you.
It's also really kind of controlling in a very disturbing way. I mean, if he didn't want you to meet his parents due to some trauma I can understand that. But you still have a partner who at three years feels comfortable enough to tell you at least, "hey, my parents are abusive POS that I want nothing to do with, so we are not meeting them. Ever." BUT he also does not want to meet your parents and by the sounds of it also avoids meeting anyone else in your life and vice versa.
There is something wrong here. You're the secret he feels he doesn't have to share and he never will by the sounds of it. It's time to go unless you enjoy the relationship equivalent of being hidden in the attic.
Eleven
Sooooo how is your relationship supposed to move forward? Have you talked about the future? Marriage? And it's been 3 whole years? "He doesn't want to talk cuz he talks at work"....so he's just not gonna talk about anything at all???
He's not communicating. And totally pushing it off. Sounds like he likes the box he put you in in his life. If this is a relationship you want, go for it. But if you want to be more involved with your partner's life/family, this may not be the right partner.
Twelve
I once dated someone who was extremely private about his family. His parents didn't know about me, and he only talked to his dad. He bashed his family to me and said he would never go back to visit with them.
I found his dad's Facebook page after the fact. There was a photo of my former significant other with a girl he'd brought to meet his family recent to that time.
Thirteen
GiphyLate to the party here but to second a lot of other commenters, this does ring some alarm bells for me. As many here point out, he may have justifiable reasons for not introducing you to his family, however what really strikes me is that he has not met your family (I get the impression this is something you have tried to facilitate). Regardless of his issues with his own family, he should have made the effort to meet your family at your request before now, and this shows a lack of consideration that concerns me.
Fourteen
He could be extremely shy and anxious/insecure?? No doubt I think a 28 year old in a 3 year committed relationship should have enough courage to have met them at least a few times, but it is a pressure situation for some if he feels like he needs to impress them especially because procrastinating this long could add more tension. Just trying to provide a logical counter argument here because I see a lot of people getting carried away I think with out a strong feel/ base of knowledge regarding this relationship that has gone on for over 1000 days. I too am greatly removed from the situation, but felt the need to say something because I have been mistaken as toxic in my relationship before when really I was unable to show vulnerability due to my insecurities.
Fifteen
Whether or not anything "fishy" is going on, if he's refusing to meet your family after three years, he's just not that into you. By that, I mean, he's not looking for anything more serious with you and if you want something serious you should look elsewhere.
