It's pretty fair to say he was traumatized by the things he saw in his short time at the job - and based on some of what you're about to read here ... yeah... that's not exactly a shocker.
Reddit user CalmAnxiety87 asked:
If you have a sensitive stomach you might want to take a deep breath and find your happy place before you start in on this article. Maybe plan a few breaks, too?
Yeah, it gets that bad.
Soda
The restaurant was an all you can eat buffet, and had a small wait staff employed to bring drinks to customers.
Almost all of the food in the buffet was too cold, and the kitchen has mice droppings all over.
But the most shocking part is, the waitress would take half finished drinks from previous tables and top them off to give to new customers.
Soda is dirt cheap! I can't imagine they saved more than $1-2 dollars a week by being so gross and lazy.
Homophobia Saved The Day!
My place of employment almost got shut down by the health inspector, but homophobia saved the day!
I was duty manager at a large, 3 level nightclub. Owners were cheap and refused to spring for decent cleaning stuff. The place was pretty grimy. Not filthy, but not likely to pass. Health inspectors never, ever showed their face... until one rolls up at 4am for a surprise inspection.
The upstairs room (generic nightclub: bad music, lasers, smoke machine etc) was just closing, and the staff had already been cleaning for half an hour so the inspector figures there's no point.
He comes to the smaller, public bar on ground level. This room is open 24/7 so it's considerably cleaner as it's open during daylight hours. He goes over EVERYTHING and finds nothing.
Clearly frustrated , he asks if there's any other rooms open. I tell him we have a 3rd room at basement level, and I'm already mentally preparing for calling my boss at 4am. We hadn't started work on this room yet and the inspector was obviously itching to shut something down, so I figured this is where the problem would be.
We head down the stairs and a few patrons leaving pass us as they head up. These patrons were 2 men, roughly the same size as vending machines. They're wearing leather harnesses, leather chaps, underwear clearly visible and not much else.
Health inspector turns to look at me, eyes like dinner plates:
Him: "This is a fa**ot bar?!?"
Me: "We're open to everyone, but the patrons are predominantly gay if that's what you're asking."
Him: "Ugh. Gross. Forget it."
And that was it. He left. Normally I'd make a formal complaint but given how unlikely we were to pass in that room, I figured it was a bad idea to draw any more attention to us.
Lysol
GiphyNot a health inspector, but my dad was. He witnessed an employee of a grocery chain spray Lysol around and over the meat section in attempt to get rid of flies and the smell of rotting meat.
My dad went up to the employee and identified himself as a health inspector and the employee nearly passed out. Place was closed shortly after.
This List
I was a health inspector for about 5 years. I saw so many things. Like:
- a cleaner using a rag and bucket to clean the floor and then immediately using the same rag to clean the prep station (literally right in front of me).
- trying to explain to a completely-stoned chef why he has to actually reheat the gravy to full temp instead of just letting it come to room temperature on the counter and serve it like that.
- throwing out the entire inventory of a large bakery (basically a warehouse) for mouse infestation (that is some interesting logistics work).
- helping a coworker serve a court summons to someone that locked him in a freezer when they didn't like the result of the health inspection.
You name it I saw it, I could go on and on.
A New Restaurant
I just bought a restaurant and we are remodeling planned on being closed for 30 days to do some updates and open.
We took over and all of us were almost sick looking at the kitchen. Roaches everywhere, old food in the stoves and ranges. Grease caked on the equipment so thick and over so many years we power washed the equipment and had to use palm Sanders to try to get rid of it.
After spending lots of money and time we had to get rid of everything in the kitchen and start over. They were serving food out of that kitchen two weeks prior and we could not use the same equipment after intense cleaning. This is all aside from the fact that they had steam warmers that had been under able to drain ad they had maggots in the water.
So we are still in the process of cleaning everything and getting new equipment.. but wow I feel bad for anyone who ate there.
Let The Health Inspector Choose
One of my friends is a health inspector and we usually let her pick the restaurants when we go out. She's not allowed to tell us specifics until they're public, but the worst things she's ever seen included:
- a local cake business operating from someone's home (which is fine, if it passes inspection and obeys regulations) where the owner let her six cats do whatever they wanted in the kitchen (which is not so fine.) Apparently they were just walking all over the ingredients and sniffing the cake batter and sh*tting in a litter box beside the oven.
- an Indian restaurant whose butter for naan bread etc (to brush on top before baking) was just in an old plastic tub that had been sat out for six months and had mouse droppings in it.
The Mop Sink
I work in restaurants and asked our inspector the worst thing he has ever seen.
He was at a Mexican restaurant and the prep cooks were fast thawing chicken in the mop sink. As in the sink they use to clean the floors with. They were doing this in front of him with no remorse. They were shocked when he made them bleach the meat to destroy it, and took off several points from their score.
- Mugzerz7
Hard To Pick A Story
I am a health inspector and it's honestly hard to pick a story, because the gross sh!t I see everyday is so commonplace that I barely find it gross anymore. The restaurants in the town I work are actually, as a whole, pretty good because they get full inspection 4 times a year. They really don't have time to get super grimey!
That being said I've seen my fair share of cockroach infestations (place was full, crawling all over equipment and utensils, etc. Place was closed for over a week.)
Rats in the kitchen (actually saw one scurry from behind the cookline and out a hole in the back screen door, rat droppings were everywhere, that place closed for 1 day to clean.)
Place had mold literally so thick you could not see the color of paint covering every wall in the kitchen (they were closed for less than a day.)
Place had a full on sewage backup from the kitchen to the basement, where there was food stored. They knew it was disgusting, but remained open and just had their staff tie plastic bags over their shoes if they needed stuff from the basement. We closed it down.
- Sluzella
The Fat Garbage Thief
GiphyGet a call for man with a weapon at a Chinese buffet. We got there and didn't see anyone with a weapon, so we located the caller to get details. He says one of the staff had a machete and ran back into the kitchen yelling something. We hear the yelling get closer and a raccoon comes waddling through the swinging door to the kitchen followed closely by a very angry Asian dude... with a machete!
We draw weapons on him and he locks up, drops the machete, and asks why we're pointing guns at him. Umm, because you're running around a buffet with a machete?
Raccoon ghosts off somewhere.
No, they were not serving raccoon meat. It turns out the little trash panda had darted into the kitchen while the cook was on smoke break. Cook grabbed a machete to run the fat garbage thief out of the restaurant and ended up terrifying everyone. Security camera confirmed this. They still got shut down for related issues.
No Common Sense
I am a health inspector. I don't have a story to share (and I guess other inspectors don't either, hence, "I'm not an inspector) because what I see on a daily basis seems par for the course and doesn't gross me out any more. I am use to it. I can see it and write them up but I don't see it as "story" worthy. I take care of it and move on.
By the way, common sense is not common. People say "hand washing is common sense". People don't wash their hands in front of me while I am inspecting. They are so use to not washing their hands that even when they are being inspected they don't do it even to make things look good.
Probably not the grossest but I have seen goopy build up hanging out of soda machine nozzles. Probably hadn't been washed in weeks or months.
I was too young to really question that and by the time I was old enough it was just one of those beliefs that didn't ever get challenged so I never bothered to even think to question it. I was a book worm who spent most of my time reading educational books I checked out from the library.
In one of those books I leaned about the Ecumenical Council. I had no idea there were more books to the Bible. i had never heard of apocryphal texts or even considered that I was reading some highly watered-down and edited version of this "guide to life" - because I had absolutely been sold the idea of the Bible as a guide for life. I learned that a bunch of politically-minded men sat around and decided which gospels counted and which didn't. I learned there was tons of information out there that someone just decided I shouldn't know, so they got booted.
What!?! I felt so lied to! I had done a LOT of church and nobody had ever once mentioned that some royal dude put the bible together with some of his homies. Why was nobody talking about and reading from these other books when we were at church?
Little me was heated, fam. Heated. It had never occurred to me that information could just be altered, or kept from you, or used in any sort of a dishonest or less-than-honest way. It messed with me that I felt like the information was kept from me on purpose. Keeping things from kids is how you end up with suspicious, nosy, and angry little girls who lead tiny rebellions.
So one Reddit user asked:
What fact totally changed your perspective?
I needed to know if anyone else had the same sorts of reactions to that mind-blowing moment. Turns out no, I'm just extra and have been since childhood. Also turns out there's a lot of really interesting factoids that we didn't know or hadn't thought about. Here are some of the more popular responses. Some of these are still kind of messing with us, honestly. The one about making it three minutes could change a lot of lives.
Castles
GiphyThere are real life castles that are less expensive to buy than a New York City apartment.
Literally Nobody Cares
Most people are too wrapped up in their own lives and insecurities to focus on your little stumbles. Try to think of other people's embarrassing moments. It's actually quite hard to do! And if I do think of something, I don't dwell on it or give it more than a fleeting thought - it's usually no big deal. It's kind of nice to know that no one reeeeeally gives a shit and maybe that one cringey thing I once said isn't actually that big of a deal.
Related note - when I realized that I would never talk to someone the way I talk to myself, it was a little light bulb moment. Self compassion is a long road.
Not Your Problem
Knowing that the way someone treats you is often a reflection of their own problems or issues and quite possibly has nothing to do with you.
Two Problems
If you have a problem and you completely lose your head over it, you now have two problems.
- Saphnich
Actions And Perspective
We judge others on their actions, but ourselves on our intentions.
- BiJa90
I remember reading that the right question to ask is not "Am I a good person?"
It's, "What good do I do in the world?"
When I started thinking about it that way, I realized I wasn't actually a very good person.
- moal09
In psychology we call it the fundamental attribution error and applies to others as much as yourself. Basically the more familiar you are with someone, the more likely you are to understand their behavior as a result of circumstances. The less familiar you are, the more likely you are to blame something intrinsic about the person for the behavior being displayed.
For example, if a random drunk driver kills someone, you are likely to just dismiss them as a bad person who did a bad thing. If your best friend drives drunk and kills someone, you're more likely to think of it as them making a horrible mistake because they are having a rough time and it ended in a freak accident, etc.
That knowledge hit me so hard that this was one of the few tidbits from a psych degree that I've retained as meaningful.
Five Degrees
GiphyDuring the last ice age, the global average temperature was only 5 degrees lower than it is now. It helped me understand why 2 degrees of global warming would be a pretty big deal.
- luchubbs
If I Wasn't Me
This sounds really obvious but bear with me. Recently I "realized" that reality only exists in one form and that's in you; your brain, your body, your perspective. So wishing you were someone else, looked like or acted like someone else or had different talents is literally wishing you were born in an alternate universe or something, which people don't typically do. Everyone accepts that we live on planet earth as humans and not mars as aliens. So what I need to accept is that the only life there is ever going to be is mine. I won't ever have the option to like, select to play as a different character or whatever because once I'm gone this is over. Like, from my perspective there was no reality before I was born as myself and the instant that I die the world will cease to exist. I mean sure, other people will live but I will not. Every single about me is literally the only thing that makes sense because if I wasn't me I wouldn't be anything at all.
- oKay21
I, too, have taken LSD.
but I do get what you mean.
Three Minutes
The longest a nicotine craving will last is 180 seconds. That means all I need to do is resist for 3 minutes. My last cigarette was January 25 2008.
- nivla73
It's OK To Whine
Just because someone has it worse doesn't mean you can't complain about your own problems. It's ok to be a whiny little b*tch sometimes.
Wash Your Face
No girl wants someone who doesn't take care of themselves.
I went a long time thinking girls were just shallow until I realized I never washed my face or got a personality.
Little Kids With Leukemia
I found out finances played a big role in this little girl dying of cancer in my hometown. It changed how I felt about healthcare.
I had my life repeatedly ruined by the VA and military after I got shot in Afghanistan. It made me vehemently opposed to any form of government healthcare for years. Then I watched this little girl in my home town die slowly from cancer over social media.
Her family did Gofundme's and sold T-shirts to raise money for the treatments. She died after a bitter, heart wrenching, struggle and her family was completely ruined emotionally and financially. It really shocked and scarred me. She was a beautiful, innocent, little kid going through an unimaginable horror. I felt deeply for her because of my own medical struggles and when I found out that expenses played a large contributing factor in her death it really broke my mind.
I still have the t-shirt her family sold, it's hanging up in my closet next to a bunch of my old Marine Corps shirts I'm too fat to fit in anymore. I really think we need universal healthcare. I think this kind of thing explains why the VA has been allowed to be so terrible for so long. If we don't give a f*ck about little kids with leukemia then how is anyone going to give a f*ck about a grown ass man getting shot in a war?
- Mick0331
That moment that makes you finally feel like an adult is different for everyone. One reddit user asked:
What was your "damn I'm not a kid I'm officially an adult now" moment?
Here are some of the answers that we felt the hardest.
Merry Christmas
GiphyYesterday, I was asked what I want for Christmas and I said groceries.
- tyrily
Last year, when my mom asked what my husband and I wanted, we told her socks. It was the second best Christmas gift she's ever given me, the best being a vacuum cleaner a few years prior.
A few years ago my mother asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I thought for a minute and said "a filing cabinet" - and I got that filing cabinet. It's really handy.
Sir...
I was running to the train station from college and I ran past an elementary school and I heard one of the kids yell "Sir, are you running away from the police?"
She even used the formal way of "you" that we use towards adults in the Dutch language.
Trolling Success
I didn't get a normal "welcome to adult hood" transition. My parents died when I was 16 and I inherited all of their adult problems.
When they died, I didn't even understand what a checking account was, but I was responsible for clearing up the estate, taxes, life insurance, transitioning my dad's health insurance to COBRA, their finances and debts, and figuring out what an estate is, how to file taxes, and what a cobra snake had anything to do with getting a doctor's appointment.
I ended up getting most of it under control after lots of googling and Yahoo! Answers because that was still a thing.
I was cutting my last 2 periods of school because I needed to go to the bank as well as meet with an attorney and accountant, who only worked during normal business hours. I got detention for cutting class...
The attendance office also use to call me, expecting it to be my parents, telling me my 'child' was late. I kept trying to explain it to them, but they never listened. Eventually I just started going with it. In the deepest country accent I could muster "He did WHAT!!! Oh don't you worry ma'em, I'll be sure to have a talkin' to him." Then I'd purposely miss the receiver when I hung up and yell "boyy, you get your butt over here, what's this I hear about you bein tardy. You be prayin to be back in school when I'm done with you." "No papa...not the" click.
Babies Change Everything
When I got married and fell pregnant. Now everyone talks to me about adult things. They also don't tell me what to do with my money or time anymore.
If a year ago I told my parents that I was saving for a cruise to NZ to see the shire from Lord Of The Rings they would have called me "childish" and "I'm wasting my money" But now it's for my family trip it's "cute" and "creating memories". It's weird man.
Ain't No Party Like A Grown Up Party!
Had a small get together with friends. I don't have kids, but a lot of my friends do.
Set the party time for 6, thinking no one would show up till 9. Bell rang at 6. 😬 (I wasn't ready)
Kids all over my house. Lugged out my rebounder and a bunch of my old toys that I had stuffed in the storage room, they had a blast.
Everyone was gone by 10, and my house was cleaner than when people came round.
Yep. I threw a successful Grown up party.
Adult Flu
I was really sick with the flu and there was literally no one there to help. Nothing worse than getting sick in your own place for the first time, and realizing you have to get out of bed and feed yourself if you don't want to starve to death.
- Foojira
Subway Shenanigans
GiphyI was on a LA subway line and as we approached a station platform a tall homeless man was screaming and shaking his fists in the air. He whipped his head around and started making eye contact with the people on my approaching subway car.
Women and young students started getting uncomfortable and edging away from the open door. The homeless guy started walking toward us, and I noticed people glancing in my direction.
I was the man, and they were clearly looking for me to stand up and confront the situation. It really hit home for me at that moment. I wasn't a kid anymore.
Boot Camp
When I went to boot camp and realized that I couldn't run back to my parents without going to prison. Made my whole perspective change on life.
First Responder
I'm a teacher. My first year teaching there was a carbon monoxide incident in our school building. Somehow I ended up in charge of the kids showing side effects of the CO and assisting the first responders with getting the kids medical info. Before the first responders got there I remember looking around and thinking, there needs to be an adult in here and immediately realizing oh shit I'm the adult.
Pizza
When I could afford to buy pizza for breakfast, but decided not to.
- Rick0r
It's actually way better than you think. After a certain point most of the cocky shit you had at 19 is beaten out of you by life, and you learn to be responsible and compassionate.
But that's not everything and it's not even most things. There's tons of stuff you go, fuck it, I'm not doing that thing, because I'm a grownup. Or you decide you will do something.
My boyfriend ate over a mile of Fruit by the Foot in his late 40s. I have a pair of floral velvet boots. I just ate candy in bed. Being an adult is hard work but it is really rad once you embrace the liberating aspects of it. If you fight the maintenance and responsibility it will crush you but if you give into it, there's a vast upside.
Baby you're a...
Went to a fireworks store for the first time since I was a teenager. As a northerner where fireworks are illegal getting fireworks was the most awesome thing ever. Anyway I went in, looked around and didn't buy anything because all I could think of was the mess they make.
Swipe It
Signing up for my own grocery store club card so I'd use my phone number instead of my moms
I'm 25 and I use my parents' store cards because they can earn more points toward free stuff. They don't know I do this, but they've done so much for me that I feel it's the least I can do.
I've gone mad over grocery store rewards points, I'll swoop in with my card whenever I'm with someone who doesn't have one even if it's just for $3 coz 'EVERY POINT COUNTS!' Buying groceries yesterday and I noticed the girl in front of me had sneakily swiped her card on the screen as she was leaving after finishing her own transaction so she could take my points, but I shut that shit down straight away.
Mother May I
I'm a teacher. My first year teaching there was a carbon monoxide incident in our school building. Somehow I ended up in charge of the kids showing side effects of the CO and assisting the first responders with getting the kids medical info. Before the first responders got there I remember looking around and thinking, there needs to be an adult in here and immediately realizing oh I'm the adult.
My aunt (whom I always go to for financial advice as she is a retired loan officer) asked me to recommend a lawyer as my husband and I had recently used one for some inheritance matters. Just the fact that she needed/valued our opinion when hers is one I usually seek on those matters was really something to me.
Defender Of Innocents
I was on a LA subway line and as we approached a station platform a tall homeless man was screaming and shaking his fists in the air. He whipped his head around and started making eye contact with the people on my approaching subway car.
Women and young students started getting uncomfortable and edging away from the open door. The homeless guy started walking toward us, and I noticed people glancing in my direction.
I was the man, and they were clearly looking for me to stand up and confront the situation. It really hit home for me at that moment. I wasn't a kid anymore.
(Reality) Check Please
GiphyWhen I bought a f*cking Mr. Clean magic eraser. When I went from thinking the world is a playground of fun to accepting that it'll kick your ass if you let it, and even sometimes if you try not to. When I saw Happy Gilmore on the Hallmark channel. When Toys R Us went out of business. When I pulled out my N64 and put Super Mario in, and a spider crawled out of the flap the game goes into.
Security Nets
Wife lost her mother and father recently due to cancer. I'm not close to my parents and when we lost them I realized it was just us. We both make good money but having them there was a security we definitely took for granted. Now we have to be the ones that have enough security if and when our kids need it. It's hard to explain but it's like a switch flipped on inside my head and that little bit of teen angst was gone. It was a totally weird process mentally not only being a husband and father but also becoming the patriarch of the family.
Sweet Relief
When I started letting out sighs of relief when I opened my mailbox and it was empty.
- gino4130
Mondays...
Last Monday I was up the entire night finishing a paper. I then drove 30 min to university and as I put my left foot on the ground and start to swivel my right side out, I slip on the ice and give myself my first black eye. As I laid there on the ground for a second all I could thing about was, " wow, this is my life now, this is what it means to be an adult.
The No-Break Lunch "Break"
When I had to figure out how I was going to run errands to places that are only open during bank hours when I work bank hours. Had to use my lunch break to go apply for a mortgage.
I'm The Most Qualified?
The time I was the most qualified person at work a couple of months ago. F*cking terrifying realizing I was the person who everyone turned to for help. Didn't help that it was one of my first shifts as a RN. Being both responsible for patients and the folks who worked with me. Thank God I'm going to another ward soon so I'll get to be only responsible for patients.
- Lafvuli
Caring For The Elders
Not when we got married, not when we bought a house, not even when we had a baby. When we moved my husband's mom in because she makes terrible life decisions and moving in with her son was her last resort. Then her dad, my husband's grandfather, moved in too. It took 32 years to feel like an adult, but taking financial responsibility for (inlaw) family members a generation or two ahead of you will do it.
WD40
GiphyThe door was squeaking, got the WD40 from the toolbox and fixed it. Mom was impressed Dad was proud , and that was the time I knew I'm not a kid anymore.
- jcgabest
Pots, Pans and Color Schemes
I'm getting pots and pans for Christmas and I'm gutted because i couldn't pick them out myself.
I haven't even moved in yet, haven't chosen a color scheme for the kitchen .
I didn't realize how much i wanted to pick out the pots and pans until, i got excited about picking them so told my Mum i was gonna look on Google/Amazon for a cool set and she said "oh no i think Santa might have already brought them."
That's code for "Your sister is getting you them for Christmas."
I actually felt heartbroken, and now I'm writing this realizing what a pathetic old adult I am moaning about pots and pans and kitchen color schemes.
No Permission Needed
I was in a pretty good job but still living at home with my parents, and I just decided to go on holiday. Without asking for either permission or money.
The Grumpy Man
Some kids were riding their moped around the car park for my old apartment block and making a hell of a noise.
Stuck my head out the window, asked them what they were doing and if they could do it else where.
Realised I was an adult when they thought they were in trouble and nervously stopped and tried to shuffle away. I was the grumpy man who stopped their fun 😞
- DinoEgo
"Mom, There's Nothing To Eat!"
The first time I looked in my refrigerator in my first apartment and realized I couldn't whine at my mom that there was nothing to eat in the house.
- readarly
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's get to the real meat and potatoes here, shall we? Yeah. Peep that food pun. We all love recipe articles, but let's be honest - how do you know if you can trust the person's palette? How do you know you're not taking recipe advice from whoever came up with that peas and mayo pizza abomination? Ask chefs. Chefs entire job is to know food, right? One redditor asked:
Chefs of Reddit, what's the greatest recipe you've ever come across?
These were some that sounded tastiest (and easiest - we know our audience is a busy bunch) to us. Have fun fam!
Beer And Carbs
Beer bread. It is one of the easiest things to make and who doesn't like fresh bread. Take a can of beer, 3 cups of flour, 3 teaspoons of baking powder, 1 teaspoon of salt and mix it together. Put it in a bread pan and throw it in the oven at 375 for an hour. That's it.
Chocolate Potato Cake
GiphyI'm not a chef, but my mom bakes...she's far from a "professional", but she's known for her baking.
She makes something called a chocolate potato cake.
I know it sounds weird, but it has a cup of cooked, mashed (sans milk & butter in them) potatoes in it. The end result is AMAZING! Super-rich, moist chocolate cake. People will fight over the last piece of it.
Anyway, she made the cake for a friend's party...and at that party was a culinary chef who absolutely loved the cake...and wanted the recipe.
Mom gave it to him on one condition; he didn't share it.
Fast forward; the recipe is published in a culinary magazine, under the name of the guy that wanted the recipe.
Asshole.
But based on that, I'd have to consider it to be a great recipe if a trained chef stole it.
EDIT / UPDATE!!
You've been asking for it, so here it is! The actual recipe that was "stolen". Please note, I have never claimed that she "invented" this recipe. This is merely the recipe that she has used over the years. There's ONE condition though, if you do make it, please let me know how it turned out for you and I'll pass it along to my mom. My mom would be happy knowing that the recipe worked for people.
PEI POTATO CHOCOLATE CAKE
- 1 cup hot mashed potatoes, not seasoned
- 1 cup lukewarm water
- 2/3 cup soft margarine
- 2 cups white sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 4 eggs
- 2 cups flour
- 3/4 cup cocoa
- 2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/8 teaspoon salt
- 3/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 350°F . Prepare cake pan (tube pan) by lightly greasing & then dusting with flour. Whisk water into well mashed potatoes until a smooth mixture is formed. Cool to lukewarm.
Beat margarine & sugar with electric mixer until combined. Add vanilla & beat 2 minutes at medium speed. Add 2 eggs and beat until blended. Add remaining 2 eggs. Beat at medium speed until blended. Sift together dry ingredients & stir to combine. At low speed, add 1/3 of the sifted dry ingredients, alternately with half the potato mixture, until all is blended.
Fold in chocolate chips. Turn batter into prepared pan. Bake in over for about 55 minutes. Cool on rack. Top with confectioners' sugar.
Enjoy!
Mexican Coke Is Key
There was a carnitas recipe on Reddit not long ago... tried it, even went to a special grocery store for Mexican coke since the recipe is different than typical american Coke... it was heavenly. And so inexpensive. And freezes so well. Three criteria for a great bulk recipe that makes your life easier, your wallet richer, and your soul happier.
Edit to add recipe from original post. If you want to find it, its on r/slowcooker
Inspired by /u/Lalalaraee !
4 pounds (or 2 kg) pork butt (or shoulder)
3-4 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon dried oregano (or Mexican oregano)
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 large brown or white onion, cut into wedges
8 cloves garlic, smashed
2 limes, juiced
2 large oranges, juiced (or 3/4 cup natural orange juice)
3/4 cup Original coke (Mexican coke is ideal)
2 bay leaves
Combine everything and cook on low for 8-10 hours. Don't discard liquid!
Place on baking sheet, cover with 1 cup of liquid and broil. Watch closely!
The recipe recommended broiling for 15 minutes but I only broiled for 5, any longer and ours would have burned. Enjoy guys!
- 8365815
Cereal in Cookies?
Chicago Crunch Chocolate Chip Cookies. My mom originally saw the recipe in Woman's Day or Family Circle years ago but this is the same one from Recipeland. She'd make these every holiday gathering and when my younger brother and I had curriculum day early release. Some people think it's weird to put corn flakes inside of your cookies, but it's actually pretty common in some places. I've just never seen it done quite like this before.
"Impossible To Overdo"
Peposo (a black pepper based stew) is pretty great for home cooks. It looks classy as sh!t, it's easy, doesn't take much work, and absolutely "holy hell how can something be this good" delicious if you don't cook often.
The only downside is that they don't get to see you make it since the "impressive" part of the cooking happens about 3.5 hours before the finishing.
All you need is short rib (bone in you savages), a bottle of Chianti, and a ludicrous quantity of pepper. Of course, salt, tomato paste, a couple herbs, and some rice is definitely a plus.
Smash/crush some garlic, mix with tomato paste and liberally smear onto the short rib.
Buy whole black pepper corns. Crush some using a cutting board and skillet, maybe 2 tablespoons for 3 pounds? I've never measured, and usually add ground pepper too.
Put the beef in a pot/saute pan, add pepper on top. Poke in some herbs/ bag leaves/whatever if you have it. Pour in most of a bottle of Chianti. The cheap but not completely shit kind with work. Set it on high heat, turn down as low as you can right before boil. Add lid. Leave for 2 hours. Optionally flip beef prices and if possible, slide the bone out. If you take the bones out, leave them in the pot. Cook for another hour-hour and a half. It's basically impossible to overdo this stuff, so just don't stop until it's basically falling apart when you touch it. Remove the herbs, beef, and bones. Give the bones to the dog. Enjoy his eternal love. Uncover and turn the heat back as high as it will go. Reduce until it's nice and thick or it's half the volume it was. Salt to taste (taste your food numbnuts). Put rice/polenta on a plate in a pretty shape. Stack some meat chunks on top. Pour over your sauce (you might need to whisk it to combat separation).
Make sure to make sexy eyes when they take a bite, they will have a spontaneous orgasm.
Honorable mention for learning to make your own marinade so that all your meat tastes better.
Is Grilled Guac Extra?
I make a grilled guacamole. Pretty standard guacamole recipe but everything gets charred on the grill and then cut and mashed. Creates the most delicious smoky flavor and takes guac to the next level! Something I thought couldn't be done.
The Best Mashed Potato
Mashed potato recipe I found online that blew away the competition this thanksgiving
Boil 5 lbs of quartered, unpeeled Yukon gold or Idaho gold taters in 4 cups of whole milk, 4 cups of heavy cream, 9 sprigs of thyme, 8 cloves of garlic, 3 bay leaves. Once they are mashable, strain potatoes, remove herbs, mash, then fold the strained milk concoction back in slowly. Fold in 2-4 tablespoons of butter, roughly 2 tablespoons of olive oil, salt, pepper, and 3 tablespoons of grainy mustard.
I made turkey too so I took the bacon I used to keep the turkey moist and minced it and threw that in the mashed taters as well. Finally, to make it healthy, I threw in a handful of chopped parsley. Gold it up nicely. Watch as your taters are annihilated at thanksgiving and the sad, russet potato, dry as f*ck mash remains untouched!
- caessa_
EZ Mode Fish
I did the chef thing for a while but didn't like the end-game. Switched focus to bodybuilding but still have some ezmode recipes that even redditors can't screw up.
Fish. Tilapia / Salmon / Whatev
- Let sit till room temp. Put it on a sheet of foil.
- Drizzle with olive oil.
- Add lemon pepper and creole or season-all.
- Pinch of parsely. Can be fresh, doesn't matter.
Fold it up in foil, like a pouch, so no fluid will escape. Bake it at 425F (Make sure oven is preheated.) for 10-12 minutes depending on how big it is. 10 will be safe to eat for any size and 12 won't overcook the smallest pieces so set your timer for 10 minutes and if it sits in the oven an extra 2 don't stress.
Unwrap it and you're good to go. Restaurants will charge a good $15-30 for this and you can make this for under $5.
The Many Chapters Of Chicken Wings
Righto, you want some hot wings? Heres my EC Wings recipe, not for the faint of heart y'all. The EC - Existential Crisis - wing recipe is all about level of burn and interaction of different SHU levels in chilli tastes. Let's get her rollin ey, cos this one will take at least a day to throw together.
Wings, part 1
Get yerself 4 wings - This recipe is for 4 of em so multiply ingredients if needs be - and chuck em in a sealable freezer bag SKIN ON. This ain't about dietary concerns. Add about
- 80mls of Soy Sauce (Sweet Soy if you're skipping the sauce step further down)
- 30mls of Red Wine Vinegar
- 60mls Lime Juice, fresh squeezed. None of that bottled shit.
- 2 cloves of Garlic (finely diced, or a heaped tablespoon of Garlic Paste)
- a heaped Teaspoon of Carolina Reaper Paste. For the Reaper paste I recommend Chilli Factory's one, although this can be substituted for whatever you want heat wise - Sometimes I'll use a smokey Chipotle instead if I'm cooking for others who ain't on my chilli level. Regardless: for this recipe, the hottest chilli yer using is for the Marinade.
Mix all that up in a Blender or in a bowl with a fork if you're old fashioned like that, pour it into the bag with the chook and seal it. Give her a good shake for coverage and chuck it in the fridge overnight - absolute minimum of 12 hours to marinate.
The sauce:
Another overnighter, borrowed this recipe from online and tweaked it a bit. Not a necessary addition, but you'll be robbing yourself if you don't do it as well.
- 12 finely diced Birds Eye Chillies (Peri Peri)
- One clove of Garlic
- 40ml White Vinegar
- 1/2 teaspoon of salt
Combine and let her sit in room temperature for 12 hours or overnight, longer the better IMO. Now, before cooking the chicken - as the sauce has gotta cool - drop the sauce mix into a small saucepan on medium heat. Add a teaspoon of Caster Sugar and stir through, bringing it to the boil. Then crank yer heat down and let it simmer till the chillies are soft. Pour out and let that cool, I usually chuck mine in e freezer for 30 mins then fridge it. Once cooled, blender time til nice and smooth.
Guess what you just made? SRIRACHA. Noice. Well, Sriracha is with Jalapeños but whatevs, I'm manly and jalapeños are nothing to me. Plus, Jalapeños are in the Part 2 of the chicken.
Anywho, whilst the sauce is chilling in the fridge, pour 100ml of Orange (or Mango, mango works great too) Juice and a shot of Grand Marnier into a small saucepan. Reduce at high heat, whilst sprinkling more caster sugar in slowly, continuously stirring when it comes back to the boil. Once the consistency is thick like cream, take it off the heat, combine it with the homemade Sriracha, and chuck it back in the fridge. You're left with a fruity dipping sauce that will punch you in the face if you look at it wrong.
Chicken, part 2
Almost there. This step is entirely optional as well, but in for a penny eh?
Finely dice about 6 decent sized Habaneros and [follow this guide here] (https://np.reddit.com/r/spicy/comments/3j5lqs/my_homemade_habanero_powder_xpost_from_rfood/). PROTIP: open all your windows and maybe even chuck on a face mask as the fumes get stuck in the back of your throat pretty damn well.
Chicken part 3, the final chapter
Get yerself a bowl with a few whipped up eggs in it, and two shallow bowls. To one of em, add...
- Half a cup of Breadcrumbs
- Tablespoon of Salt (I use Himalayan Pink Salt because I'm classy as fuck like that)
- Tablespoon of Cracked Black Pepper (Sichuan Peppercorns if you got em, distinct flavour base change for the better)
- Sprinkle of Cayenne pepper
- Dried Chillies from earlier. If you didn't do that shrug your loss IMO, cos it makes the recipe.
To the other bowl, chuck a cup of flour in it. Grab your wings one at a time but keep the rest of the Marinade. Give the wings a shake to get rid of excess Marinade, even pat em down with a paper towel. Why, you ask? All that acid from the vinegar and juice earlier has already penetrated the meat like a Seviche and brought the Reaper paste and garlic flavour with it so it's only needed just prior to cooking now. Give it a dredging in the flour, and carefully dip through the egg wash. Next, hold over the bowl with the chilli breading bits, grab a handful of the mixture and sprinkle it on til you can't see the meat anymore. DO NOT dredge it in the Breading Mix, trust me. Place the wing on a lightly oiled pan, and when fully loaded back in the fridge uncovered for an hour. This should set the breaded bits.
Finally, preheat your oven to 180 degrees Celsius and slide those bad boys in there for 15 minutes give or take. Baste over the top with the extra Marinade every 5 minutes, and turn over.
After that long and complicated process, you'll have the Best Goddamn Hot-Wings you'll ever eat, or my name ain't Fatbeard. Which it obviously ain't, but y'know what I mean.
Who's hungry?
Blue Cheese And Cinnamon?
GiphyMy dad is a chef and he always makes unusual and delicious stuff. Homemade spicy cocktail sauce with grated jicama in it. Marinade jalapeno slices in soy sauce, it's great.
The best is something that only other chefs are ever excited to try, but it's so amazing. Stick with me on this. . . Blue cheese cinnamon rolls.
Start with a good yeast dough, fill with a cinnamon mix that is heavy on the cinnamon and a bit a nutmeg and all spice, and light on the brown sugar. No white sugar at all.
One risen and baked sprinkle with blue cheese crumbles while still warm. Once slightly melty drizzle with a white glaze.
Do not use cream cheese frosting. Do not frost. Light on the sugar glaze, do not treat it like you think you're Johnson's corner.
I promise it's amazing.
H/T: Reddit