I'm not exactly prone to winning things - but I do have one glorious moment of winnerhood that really is all I need in life. As a child, my church would throw Halloween parties every year.
One year, I was handed a raffle ticket along with my trick-or-treat candy. At the end of the night, ticket numbers were called - mine was the last one called. I still didn't know what the prize was.
Once I made it up to the stage to collect it, I was presented with a box of puppies and prompty LOST MY TEN YEAR OLD MIND. I thought I was just going to cuddle them, but nope! I got to pick out my brother and my best friend for the next decade.
We named our little box puppy Bear not knowing he would grow up to be a massive doberman who weighed triple digits.
My very favorite picture of my brother is him during what we call "the Ginuwine era." He's standing next to Bear wearing an Auntie Anne's Pretzel t-shirt and it looks like a ridiculous 90's r&b album cover. I haven't really won anything since winning Bear, but c'mon... that one win was enough. One Reddit user asked:
Sweepstakes winners of Reddit, what sweepstakes did you win and was it all that you hoped for?
Spoiler Alert: a Halloween puppy in a box is still the best prize ever - but some of these are pretty decent.
HotWheels
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Short story time: I once won a contest for HotWheels. It might've been a regional thing, I'm not sure. But it was 1999/2000. And my local WalMart had a display of HotWheels at the front of the store, with special sheets of paper and entry forms for a contest - Draw your own HotWheels car, and win the full year's collection of cars (it was like 200 cars!). I was 13, and hadn't even bought a HotWheels toy since I was like 8. But whatever, I thought it would've been fun.
I LOVED drawing (I stuck with it, and grew up to be a designer/illustrator, now in my 30s), so drawing a sweet car would be a piece of cake. I drew some kind of rocket powered dune buggy, with multiple views, and technical specs, and I even named it - "Dune-n-Zoom" or something cheesy like that. I mailed it in, and forgot about it.
About 2 months later, I get a letter saying I'd won! The year's HotWheels collection was mine! I just had to fill out some more contact info on their forms, and short questionnaire. Did so honestly, and mailed it back.
And only 4 days later, I got another letter, saying I was disqualified. I was 13, and the contest was only open to kids 5 - 12. So I didn't win the car collection. Got my first taste of the ugly side of Terms and Conditions that year. Still bummed about it.
Graduate Heaven
Was a broke grad student who won free Chipotle for a year, and the same year I had free sandwiches for a year from another place.
Basically yeah, I was happy as hell.
- Enzohere
So Much Marijuana
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Someone I'm close to won a trip to California (big deal in our little town in Ky) for a music festival. They flew her and her husband out, took care of their hotel and food, and gave them $500 in spending money plus tons of other merchandise. The girl who won has intense Gastroparesis. Basically her stomach is paralyzed, she can't eat, and it's unbearably painful. The only thing that helps her? Marijuana. When she can't work and money is tight, most of her weed is given to her and it's not very good.
They gave them hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of GREAT weed.
She said it was the best week of her life. She actually got to go on a trip where she could smoke legally and enjoy herself without being doubled over in pain.
Chili And The Amish
I almost never win things. I've won something two times in my life, one of which was a few weeks ago.
There was a fall festival that had a chili bar, where each bowl you buy gives you 2 raffle tickets in a prize drawing. The prizes were mostly food or gift certificates.
Well I paid for my bowl and two bowls up front for my wife since she wanted to try different things. They went ahead and gave me all the tickets, so I had 6 total. Then my wife went back for her second bowl, which the lady remembered I had paid for but she gave my wife two tickets for that bowl anyway.. so now we have 8 tickets.
We also got 2 tickets just for coming, apparently everyone got them.. so we had 10 tickets total. I ended up winning a gift basket full of food from a local Amish store. We still haven't finished it all!
Tom's
Worked for a local shoe store my last year of undergrad. TOMS did a contest for multiple companies and when you sold their shoes, X amount of shoes gave you X number of your name put into a drawing. Needless to say I sold the hell out of Toms that month.
Got a call from California at the store one night (live in Indiana) and both my manager and myself lost it when it was a rep from TOMS calling to let me know I had won.
All expenses paid trip to LA with 5 other people representing their respective companies to hang out and learn more about Toms. Badass hotel overlooking a bay, free shoes and shirts, free meals at great restaurants with drinks pretty much anywhere we went. Got to be there for the "Day Without Shoes" where we were with a few celebrities.
Needless to say it was a pretty great, long weekend - pretty awesome company and I've been a supporter ever since.
Just 10 Gallons
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I've won movie tickets on the radio a few times, but my mom once won a sweepstakes for 'free gas for a year'. It was actually 10 gallons of gas a week for a year, so it wasn't completely free. Just 10 gallons a week.
Thanks Grandma!
In 7th grade my grandma entered me in a sweepstakes to win a vip experience for the Pittsburgh Penguins from my local newspaper and I won. It was amazing I got to sit in the penalty box during warm ups, stand on the ice during the national anthem, meet a couple players, got signed puck and some other gifts, and amazing seats. Definitely the coolest thing I've ever won.
The Cracker Barrel Treasure
Early 80's, kid me entered random contest at the neighborhood Cracker Barrel. A year or so later got a 1oz solid gold coin in the mail. Not very exciting. I didn't even remember entering the contest.
I still have the coin in a safety deposit box
Waiting For Ariana
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On a whim I entered into a sweepstakes for Ariana Grande tickets and meet and greet. Didn't think I'd win, but I did. The meet and greet was a joke, 1 1/2 hours of waiting for about 2 minutes of seeing her, and the concert was so bad we walked out of it after a handful of songs.
- Austifox
How Many Kids
I won $100 gift certificate to Toys R Us. I called our local shelter and asked how many kids they had. I can't remember the number now, but I went into Toys R Us and asked the manager if they could help. So I bought the exact number of boys a matchbox car, and the exact number of girls a small stuffed animal. The only disappointing thing about it was that because of privacy policies, they didn't allow me to actually give the kids the toys. I had to trust the shelter staff would give them out on my behalf.
That was a good day.
Jeep Grand Cherokee
My Parents won a Jeep Grand Cherokee in a raffle in the mid 90's.
I got to use it as my first car in the early 2000's. Complete junker at that point, but it was still my car. It had a problem where the gear would get stuck between park and reverse. It actually once rolled out of the garage and hit a bunch of trees. Not a good situation. Also happened to me while I was trying to get to second base with Mary. So year the Jeep Grand Cherokee proved to be a great cock blocker.
By the time it was no longer my car, the door hinge had rusted away, and I had to duct tape it shut and jump out of the window duke's of hazard style.
Good times, it actually got donated to a high school for repair practice.
The Accordion Fold
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My aunt used to enter sweeps as a hobby. She worked off a sweepstakes newsletter and entered a few every morning. She has won a car, an above ground pool, countless trips including to Italy and Hawaii, lesser prizes like golf clubs, t shirts, hats. She won many tickets to Broadway shows, movies, concerts, cash. I remember when my daughter was a teenager she got a huge box of full size beauty products and makeup that my aunt won for her. So she was a lucky person in that respect.
However her husband died at 41 leaving her to raise four kids alone. So lucky? No. Did it make her hard life happier? Yes she loved getting the mail each day to see if she had any wins.
I'll share a trick she swore by. When filling out a card with your info that gets thrown in a drop-in box always accordion fold your entry. Then the person picking the winner has more "surface " to grab and it increases the chance you will be picked.
3 Days Later
Entered one of those contests as a kid where I had to buy $X worth of product to qualify, then fill in a participation form and mail it to the company.
Won a bicycle, claimed it and parked it outside my house.
It was stolen 3 days later. I didn't even get to ride on it once.
Had I Taken Someone Else...
I won a trip for 2 to Vegas to see an absolute legend in concert. Airfare and hotel accommodations were paid for, and it included backstage passes and a meet-and-greet. Food was the killer expense, the tickets were in the nosebleed section, and I took someone who I really regretted inviting, so the trip as a whole kinda sucked. But, I got an autograph and photos with the artist, and the concert was amazing. I also got a real kick out of taking photos from the stage looking into the crowd right before the show started.
The prize itself was all I'd hoped for - the free time wasn't. Had I taken someone else or gone alone it would have been a million times better.
- Erin42
No Thanks
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I called in and won a pair of crocs from a local radio station. Needless to say, I never picked them up.
Jim
Won 2 tickets to a UFC fight in Vegas (was living there). None of my best friends could go. My ex-wife suggested that I take "Jim", a friend in our group who had recently moved to town. He ended up bragging the whole time about him screwing all of the girls in my wife's circle but always adds the comment, "...except for your wife, of course!"
Found out shortly thereafter that they were in a month's long affair. Still bugs me 15 yrs later that she encouraged me to hang out with her lover. F*cked up chick. Turned out to be the tip of the iceberg.
- mowtown1
The Blushing Bride
My sister won her wedding dress. It was a contest on Facebook with a traveling wedding dress sale. One of the conditions of winning her dress was working the day of the dress sale. I worked the event with her as well as the other girls in the bridal party. It was a lot of fun actually, she got to choose her dress before the event started (worth 800$ at the sale, much more retail), and the woman running it liked how well we worked she paid us each 50$ which we didn't expect.
Red Power Ranger
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When I was about 8 or 9 I think Toys"R"Us was doing lottery for a life size red power ranger that talked when you pushed the symbol on his chest. My family ended up winning and thought it would be a good idea to put it in me and my younger brothers room but turns out a 5'8" man standing in the corner of your room is scary for children. It ended up in the basement but became a wonderful Halloween decoration to this day. 10/10 would win red power ranger again.
- trap266
Forgotten
When I was a kid I won a draw for a free birthday party at my favorite restaurant!
Unfortunately I had written my birthdate (07/04) in dd/mm, and they read it in mm/dd, so they called in June.
They told me to call back in March and they would give it to me, so I did and they had forgotten :(
Change Of Plan
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I won 4 tickets to a movie at the IMAX theater from a spin the wheel type contest.
Went to the theater to get the tickets. When I realized that these tickets were not zero out and are showing the full price on them. Ask my friend to try and return them since we had an hour before the movie started.
They have us back like $55, so we all took off brought a bunch of beer and like two grams of weed.
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Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
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Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
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A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
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A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
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Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.
Teachers are meant to impart knowledge to the next generation, but they have to get the kids to pay attention first.
Not an easy task.
So many, too many schools are plagued by kids who have no self-control.
Teachers end up playing referee, counselor, and parent in addition to their teaching role.
All of those additional hats don't come with any additional pay.
It's no wonder we're in a teacher shortage.
Redditor _Planet_Mars_ wanted the teachers out there to share some rough student stories, so they asked:
"Teachers, what is the worst thing you've seen a student do?"
I once saw a kid drive their car into the school office.
They were drunk.
Thankfully no one was injured.
POP!
"The was a loud pop and a flash in the back corner of the classroom. I asked the student sitting there what happened. She said it was firecrackers. I sent her to the office. While she was still in the office, I realized the electrical outlets in the room didn’t work. At that point, another student fessed up that the student sent to the office had put a pair of scissors in the outlet. I’m not sure why that student thought it was better to lie and claim she was doing fireworks inside the school?"
mynamelessname
Pain
"When I was teaching preschool, I had a little girl, between 3-4, walk up to another girl who was sitting on the rug reading a book, grab her by the hair and slam her head into the wall. They hadn’t been interacting in any way prior. When I asked her why she did it, she said she 'wanted her to know it hurts.'"
No-Doubt-8748
That Kid
"A different type of bad than most of these."
"I was a teacher at a poor inner-city school. I had a lot of wonderful students but some difficult ones. One was the worst — bright but was always sleeping through class and acting up and never doing homework. I lived about 30 minutes away. One night, I stopped by the local Wawa after a night out with friends. Was at least 11:30 pm and I was already dreading the early morning drive to school. And who should be checking me out but my own 'problem' student."
"He was working late to make money for his family and then getting home at 1:00 am or later before heading into school on 4-5 hours of sleep. He was a smart kid. Really smart. I hope things worked out for him but I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if he’d been allowed to have a childhood and focus on his education."
Low_Cartographer2944
Blame the Heat
Sweating James Mcavoy GIF
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"It gets very hot here in the warmer months and so the school put out those big containers for water for everyone. Well, one student was caught peeing into a bag and dumping it into the containers."
huzzahserrah
Some kids really need some deeper therapy.
Peeing in bags? Seriously?!
From Beneath
"My wife is an elementary teacher and has a kid this year that likes to slip under their desk and lick toes (we live in a warm state) and they all think he will grow up to be a creeper."
CherryManhattan
BOOM
"This was the worst thing I know of that happened at my high school."
"Someone brought a blasting cap to school (OK, that's a bit dumb), and flushed it down the toilet (that's REALLY dumb). Then told a teacher about it, because maybe it wasn't such a good idea (their best idea that day, really)."
"Wound up with that restroom being taken out of service while the fire department x-rayed the plumbing to find and remove the (admittedly tiny) explosive. Took several weeks before it was back in service."
gogstars
Sad
"My favorite teacher in high school was a very kind a lenient man. Do your work, be respectful, and follow the major school rules and you and him would be cool. The one thing that would seem minor, but that he was very strict about was taking any medication in any way shape, or form in his classroom."
"One day, I needed to take some Advil for cramps and asked to take it. He said I needed to go to the nurse for permission. I ended up asking him why he was so strict about it. it turns out, he had a student pass out in class one day at his former school. He tried to wake her up and called the nurse, but she wouldn't wake up. They called 911 and by the time they got there, she had died of an OD on narcotics she took in the bathroom that she had hidden in a Tylenol bottle. I don't know how he went back to teaching after that."
musical-nerd24601
Painful
Moving Season 2 GIF by Paramount+
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"Saw a 4-year-old purposely push a piece of furniture over onto another 4-year-old at preschool. It actually really hurt the other kid, and her parents took the school to court."
MPD1987
Kids are brutal.
No wonder people home school.
