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People Who Were In Abusive Relationships Break Down The Moment They Thought, 'This Isn't Normal'

Abusive relationships are insidious. You might not realize you're in one. Not at first. Abusers are usually very charming and they find ways to lower your defenses and get you to trust them. Once things go south though, it can be difficult to leave. Abusers often tie their victims to them emotionally and financially. The threat of physical violence is real in many cases. Leaving an abusive relationship requires people to confront their unhealthy coping mechanisms and to stop living in denial... no easy task.

After Redditor Nuppa_Nuppa07 asked the online community, "People who got out of an abusive relationship, what was your biggest 'That's not normal'?" survivors weighed in with their recollections.

Warning: Some sensitive content ahead.


"Being able to go..."

Being able to go to a friend's house and not being yelled at when I came home.

YaBoboCA

"Not having a 'curfew'..."

Not having a "curfew" strategically to stop you from seeing your friends. "Wait, WHAT I don't even have to think twice about going out for dinner? Wild."

Wit-wat-4

"It was weird until I realized..."

When I was dating my husband, he never made fun of me or made jokes at my expense. It was weird until I realized it was normal for your partner to not degrade you and make you feel bad about yourself.

Once when we were visiting my home state, he told me I should go out with some friends since I won't be seeing them for awhile. I was honestly shocked. Like seriously? I'm allowed to go? You won't accuse me of cheating on you or trying to lose you? It was wild. I hadn't realized just how bad my past relationships really were.

This December my husband and I will be four years strong.

VitriolicWyverns

"Not having to explain..."

Not having to explain where you've been, why you took so long and no you aren't lying to conceal actually having been whoring around rather than at the grocery store.

Also being allowed to keep my own bank card and money.

Reecespie

"Took me a while..."

I was the one that came out of the abusive relationship. I remember at the beginning of the relationship with my current gf, something happened that bothered me but I kept it quiet. My gf noticed and asked me to express how I felt, to which I replied "It's ok. It doesn't matter how I feel." It was kind of an automatic response. I felt like I didn't want to make a "big deal" out of my feelings. That's when my gf said "That's not normal. Your feelings do matter." Which was... Shocking, honestly. Took me a while to get used to being able to express my feelings in a healthy environment.

ImInJeopardy

"She would read messages..."

She would read messages I'd sent to other people, both on my computer and on my phone. I often found myself having to explain a certain statement or opinion at a moments notice about any conversation I'd had recently. I had zero expectation of privacy the entire time and was often shamed any time I tried to take some back.

Nonsenseinabag

"God, where to begin."

God, where to begin.

I escaped a nine year long abusive relationship six years ago.

I'm now happily engaged yet still have to remind myself that completely innocent day to day occurrences are ok.

Such as:

Coughing or sneezing when in bed. This used to result in me being punched as punishment.

Being allowed to sleep in. If I tried to sleep in he'd pour water on me and then my side of the bed so I wouldn't be able to sleep.

Being able to accidentally drop something or spill a drink without being sworn at.

The emotional manipulation made me stay for so long. No one had any idea. I masked it so well.

Now I'm truly happy but get flashbacks daily.

Mrsjamesmay

"I had gotten out..."

I had gotten out of an abusive relationship.

New guy I was seeing was trying to have sex with me. I said no. He immediately stopped and instead got me a blanket and gave me water. We just continued watching TV together and I was wrapped up like a burrito.

I guess someone ignoring you when you say no is not normal.

Bitter_Syllabub

"The one that really stands out..."

There were so many things about my first marriage that should have been red flags, but I didn't recognize as "not normal" until I got out and got some perspective. The one that really stands out is that it's not normal to be pressured for sex so consistently that you just give in and have sex you don't want or enjoy in order to be able to be left alone about it for a day or so.

UnsolicitedSpiders

"Eventually I realized..."

After a while with my current boyfriend I kept being surprised at how long we'd been together. Eventually I realised it was because I'd been expecting to get that walking-on-eggshells feeling by the 6-month to 1-year mark and it hadn't happened.

You only notice the not-normal part after the fact, sometimes a long time after the fact, especially if it's your normal. I only picked up on the fact that I'd been abused by my ex several years later after watching a youtube video on the subject and realising I had all the symptoms; my friends thought I already knew.

Pseudonymico

"I only found this out..."

I only found this out after I left but being held against a wall by my neck apparently wasn't. I thought it was a normal way to make your kids listen to you when you punished them but I was very wrong.

witchybitch2006

"It seems obvious..."

Realizing that normal relationships actually made you feel good about yourself. It seems obvious but like, I spent so long feeling like crap that I thought that was how it was supposed to be. When I met my now-husband, he treated me with decency and respect and I thought "No way. This is a joke." I still have a hard time fully trusting it sometimes because I keep feeling like there's gotta be a catch. Trauma, y'all.

hdujtd

"We both were in college..."

Was in a five year relationship and after it ended I found out that alot of other couples will split bills and such. We both were in college struggling to make ends meet and I paid for every dinner and every date we went on. That was a real wake up call for me.

blastoise02

"I'll never forget the look..."

I'll never forget the look on my wife's face when on the third date I casually mentioned my ex stabbed me twice.

IPokePeople

"That's what trust is about..."

I had some questions about a conversation they had with someone else about me (needed all the facts of the scenario). They volenteered to let me read through their phone in case I didn't believe them.

That's what trust is about, you don't need to prove it to me after you gave me your word.

I think the weirdness was the insistance about trying to prove their truthfulness, like they were used to people not believing them or invading their privacy.

sneaky_sunfish

"My childhood comfort item..."

My childhood comfort item got broken during a time of great distress and he said, "You sound so annoying when you cry. I hate it so much."

CoffeeAndPizzaRolls

"He did not get angry..."

Biggest was that I had a breakdown when declining sex with my partner (who is wonderful) for the first time. He did not get angry, or sulky. He reacted with cuddles and "that's okay" type of responses. I was completely shocked. Had not been able to safely reject sex before, and my brain had simply stopped considering that as an option.

LittlePurrx

"When I wasn't allowed..."

When I wasn't allowed to be friends with men. Especially those who were single. He told me, "It's ok that you're friends with Tom because he is my friend and he has a girlfriend" But I couldn't be friends with Ryan who is in the same class as me at college.

He was extremely jealous and possessive. His first wife cheated on him and thus he projected all his crap onto me. Wasn't allowed to work for fear of chatting up with men, wasn't allowed to study (after finding out I did a project with a male classmate). I stayed home because I was scared and didn't know any better (I was with him for 9 years starting when I was 19).

jexabelle

"There were several..."

There were several but I think the biggest was when the abuse started to cross over into torture. If he was particularly mad at me, he wouldn't allow me to go to sleep at night. He would turn on all the lights, pull all the sheets and pillows off the bed. Scream at me, shake me, just so I couldn't sleep.

super_nice_shark

"There was always drama..."

There was always drama to prevent me from making other friends or spending time with them. He never outright said he didn't want me to have friends but it was obvious. I couldn't visit home without him either or see old friends there.

I started college and suddenly was getting rides from him?! It made no sense since we both had cars. He just wanted to make sure I didn't stay and made friends.

One of the final big red flags.

Even those of us that are naive things get a little too obvious.

SillyGayBoy

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People Share The Best Historical Facts They Know About Their Family

"Reddit user ForthrightPedant asked: 'What is a historical fact about your family that you think is kinda neat?'"

Black and white photo, Group at the Pyramids, Egypt, Sister Isabel Erskine Plante, World War II, circa 1942
Photo by Museums Victoria

Every family has its secrets.

It's up to every new generation to unearth it all.

Don't we all want to know if we're related to famous people?

Or what if we have a familial stake in lands and businesses?

Also, this is a good way to NOT end up dating blood relatives.

The more you know, the less awkward later.

As much as there is a lot of trauma there could be a lot of cool facts to to discuss at parties.

Redditor ForthrightPedant wanted to hear some interesting family histories, so they asked:

"What is a historical fact about your family that you think is kinda neat?"

I don't have any family history.

Of course I've done no investigating.

Maybe I do.

I should look!

Super Talent

Excited Happy Hour GIF by Boomerang Official Giphy

"Great-grandpa created the Flintstones. Dan Gordon. Drew lots of Hannah-Barbara cartoons, and directed the first three animated Superman films at the beginning of WW2 as well as several seasons of Popeye, Scooby Doo, Smurfs, Yogi Bear, Huckleberry Hound."

downnoutsavant

Bad Voyage

"My grandfather disliked America and wanted to return to Ireland. He booked passage on the Titanic’s return voyage. If it wouldn’t have sunk, no of us would be here."

mrseddievedder

"My great-grandmother was a Titanic survivor. She was a steerage-class Lebanese immigrant in an arranged marriage. Her husband went down with the ship but she managed to make it to a lifeboat and made it to the Carpathia. Then she remarried in a Lebanese neighborhood in Virginia. Had it not been for the iceberg that struck and sank the Titanic My family lineage would be different and I wouldn't be here. My family's official toast is 'to the iceberg.'"

jaspersurfer

Forgotten

"My husband's grandfather was one of the 'forgotten soldiers' in Canada. He was a Canadian-born Chinese man who asked the Canadian government to fight for his right to vote and a passport. Even tho he was born in Canada in the 20’s since he was Chinese he was not considered Canadian."

H"e was dropped into the Burma jungle and was told he would likely never return. He was in the 10% that did return. He was given the right to vote, to a passport, and to University."

"His wife is still alive today and my son is named after him."

cowskeeper

​Can you imagine?

"My great-grandmother had 13 kids, so she was pregnant for literally a decade. There’s two hundred of us now, all because of this one woman."

CoverlessSkink

"My great grandma had 14 kids. My grandma was the youngest. She died giving birth to my grandma. The oldest child who was like 22 years old raised my grandma. My great-grandfather remarried a woman who had 10 kids of her own. My grandma would tell me stories of them all living together. Can u imagine? 😦."

Content_Pool_1391

Long Ago

american wtf GIF by unimpressionism Giphy

"The land my dad was raised on and my cousins still live on was deeded to the family by George Washington as compensation for service during the Revolution. There was a document with his signature on it at the courthouse until a fire destroyed the records a few decades ago."

mustbethedragon

So much land and fortune and HISTORY has been lost due to fire.

Thank God we keep more than paper records now.

Over the Moon

Michael Jackson Dancing GIF Giphy

"My second cousin is David Scott who walked on the Moon and drove the moon buggy. My mom does. He was so busy during the time when I was young that he even said later in life that he wished she’d gotten to know more of his family."

Roadgoddess

The Union

"Great-great-great grandfather on my mom's side was working his field in the part of Virginia that split off and became a new state because they didn't want to secede from The Union. Union soldiers came along looking for conscripts and he was a young, able-bodied man so they told him to come with them. He informed them he was a Quaker and thus a pacifist. According to family lore, that discussion went on for a bit but he would not give in. So they shot him and left him there. Good thing he had a couple of kids well before that day."

SpottyNoonerism

Opportiunities

"My great-grandfather was offered a chance to invest in a new invention by a guy by the name of Alexander Graham Bell. He declined, saying at most there would be one telephone per town."

Carson4307

"That is apparently my family too."

"One uncle apparently built a version of a hot water heater and then sold the design to GE for a good sum back then."

"Another uncle was asked if he wanted to be in a photo during his military service. He said no so they raised the flag on Iwo Jima without him in it."

"No idea if any of these are true, at best they are enhanced truths, but for me, I really hope they are true."

Jormungand1342

Underground

"I have a relative who worked for the Underground Railroad and had a price on her head in the South."

dahlia6767

"My uncle was a carpenter. And was doing restoration work on old houses in Yellow Springs, Ohio. Many of those old, historical homes had underground railroad passageways and hidden walls. He got to see and restore many of them. He had photos of some of the work he was doing and I got to see those as a kid. Living in Southern Ohio, we have a lot of rich underground railroad history here."

AddictiveArtistry

​Family Empire

blood discussion GIF Giphy

"My great-grandfather was the town police chief in the 1920s. His brother was the Mayor. Their cousins ran the casino."

"My family was a smaller version of Boardwalk Empire."

nowhereman136

Wouldn't we all love a show based on our families?

Then that's even more neat family history.

Rolls Royce hood ornament
Matheus Bardemaker on Unsplash

The super wealthy aren't like most people.

How can they be?

They live in a world of rarefied air most people will never even glimpse.

That privilege inevitably warps perspectives.

Keep reading... Show less
Burger and fries on plate
Photo by Haseeb Jamil on Unsplash

A lot of things have gone downhill since the pandemic, and it's made the whole process of bouncing back from those two to three years that much harder.

One thing we can all agree on is the quality of the food that we now find in restaurants, especially the fast-food joints we used to frequent and hit the drive-thru for on the drive home.

Curious what other people thought, Redditor Soy_tu_papi asked:

"What's the worst fast food restaurant?"

Eat... Expensive, Not Fresh

"Subway. The ingredients don't taste fresh. They don't give you enough meat or cheese. The bread tastes sweet. It's not even that cheap anymore."

- Brilliant-Mango-4

There for the Nostalgia

"Tim Hortons. We’re nostalgic for a time when they made fresh donuts and great soup and sandwiches. But that was more than 20 years ago and now everything is just heated from frozen garbage with garbage dish water coffee."

"The only reason they’re around is nostalgia and convenience. Americans for the most part didn’t fall for their crap when they expanded south because they didn’t have one on every corner, and they don’t have the nostalgia, and they already have a s**tty coffee and donut place called Dunkin."

- Strain128

Microwaved Soup

"Really, we all going to pretend like Panera is not fast food?"

- WelderNo6075

"It’s not fast. It's always a 20-minute wait."

- Greedy-Time-3637

"For microwaved soup."

- InsertBlueScreenHere

Hospital Food. Gourmet Prices

"Panera. For when you want hospital food, but you can’t afford the $127,209.00 hospital bill."

- BarnacleMcBarndoor

"Yeah, it’s only $126,208 for Panera."

- sherlock----75

"There is a similar yet worse than Panera hospital food restaurant called Atlanta Bread Company. How these two hell holes stay in business, I have no idea."

- GrandUnhappy9211

New Horizons

"I think KFC abandoned the American market and put all its resources into the Asian market, because omg KFC in Korea is something else. The chicken is breaded perfectly, with no mouth-destroying rock-hard breading and the ratio of breading to actual chicken meat is perfectly balanced."

"Also, the sauce selection; they have so many good sauces. The fries were great too."

- LolitasDaniel

RIP, Potato Wedges

"In my opinion, KFC. They got rid of their beloved potato wedges. The only thing I got there anymore was those and the mashed potatoes."

- dirtymoney

"Wendy’s breakfast potatoes almost fill that hole in my heart."

- Karsa69246

Those Darn Screens

"Any of them that have replaced their menu boards with TV screens that change every 15 seconds so I can't find the price of anything."

- xkulp8

"I hate the TVs. Maybe I'm just a bitter old guy, but they really don't seem to be an improvement. There's just too much going on, and it's too bright. Sure, it's probably more convenient for menu/price changes. But when you add in the cost and electronic waste, it doesn't feel like a net gain."

- BumpyMcBumps

No Longer Affordable

"McDonald’s. They’ve forgotten their role as the place I eat at because I’m broke, probably drunk, and want to fill up for a few bucks. Have you seen their prices lately!?"

- Jlace001

"A quarter pounder meal is over $10. $4 More bucks and you can get a chills old-timer and fries. And they always park you, so not very 'fast,' unless you are talking about the stomach cramps you get after."

- Eric12345678

Define 'Pizza'

"Little Caesars Hot-N-Ready is for when your manager promises you a pizza party when you exceed your sales goal and buys enough for one piece a person, but he's been talking up this party he's going to throw for you all week, so you come in on your day off and see two Hot-N-Ready boxes sitting there and some Dixie cups for water. Sometimes nothing is better, STEVE."

- cold08

"The secret technique for Lil Caesars is to give it another few minutes in the oven/under the broiler at home until it's to your liking."

- KaRabbit

The Great Pizza of the Past

"It hurts me to say this, but Pizza Hut."

"Back in the 80s and early 90s, Pizza Hut was amazing! It's somehow worse than Dominos now. It's a f**king travesty."

- Ocku2

"Their marinara sauce with breadsticks is watery now..."

"My friend and I used to ride our bikes there and play Pac-Man in eighth grade. Their breadsticks and sauce were amazing."

- KkdBaby

Small and Stale

"Whataburger is very hit or miss depending on the individual location. It was also better before it sold out and went national."

- HoovesCarveCrater

"It used to be so good, but it's so bad now. Earlier in the year, I went, and I got a stale bun with a tiny piece of meat they called a hamburger. Then I stupidly went again months later, and got the chicken sandwich. Both the bread and chicken were somehow stale. Never again, it's not worth it."

- user_base56

Belly Bombers, Indeed

"White Castle. I ate there once, and I now know what it feels like to reject an organ."

- flyzapper

"I have a stomach of steel when it comes to fast food. Not even Taco Bell gives me an above-average s**t. But when it comes to White Castle, some things just can't be saved."

- STILETTO_exists

A Rise in Poor Management

"Sonic used to be good."

"I feel for the two workers running the whole place. There used to be a lot of staff to handle the load."

"But now I feel bad going there simply because it's unfair to the workers. Which means corners get cut, things aren't clean, people aren't happy and workers end up catching the blame because there aren't enough of them."

"They really need to get it together. And treat their customers and employees right. It's going to kill their business."

- That_90s_Kid_

"The only Sonic near me stopped serving onion rings, which to me is their best side. And they take for-f**king-ever now to get you food, and half the time it's wrong or half-a**ed. I used to love Sonic, and I still want to and will go there, but every time it's a let-down in some form."

- SweetCosmicPope

"Sonic used to give their managers minority ownership as part of their compensation package. The result was highly motivated managers. Unfortunately, they had to work 80 to 90 hours a week. I thought about getting onboard with them but after using two weeks of vacation from my current job to work there, unpaid, I quickly decided smelling like French fries 24 hours a day, seven days a week was a very bad idea."

- the_beeve

A Series of Failures

"A bad KFC is tough to top, but there are still some amazing ones out there. The key is that it’s busy enough to have fresh chicken and a few employees that aren’t strung out. Not all. Just some."

"Burger King increasingly tastes like the burgers from my elementary school that sat in that weird burger water after being boiled in its own juices. I like their nuggets though."

"What even is Jack in the Box? It’s just some random assortment of food you take kids who can’t agree on what hot garbage they want to eat so you go here and make everyone unhappy."

"I’ve been to Whataburger once and it was bad, but since it’s crazy popular, I assume maybe it was just a bad experience and it was in AZ vs TX."

"I feel like I’m left with Little Caesars at this point, as the person buying those godawful hot and ready things is the epitome of a desperate person just trying to fill their children’s with ‘pizza’, thus the reason why there are any in existence."

- bowindine

So Real for This Answer

"Basically, every single one since the pandemic."

- MythicalMango123

"Dine-in prices for dollar store flavors."

- WannaBeTraveler87

"This is the answer. They are all awful now."

- chris1out

Especially for those of us who had the pleasure of experiencing these food places in the 80s, 90s, and maybe the very earls 2000s, it's terrible to think of how much these places have declined now.

As some Redditors have said, it's almost not worth going to these places anymore. We'd rather preserve the happy memories of going there with our families and friends rather than go for an unhappy meal now.

Golden Gate Bridge
Photo by Ben Harritt on Unsplash

Those living in the world's most well-known cities might be lucky enough to be in the vicinity of iconic landmarks, such as the Empire State Building, Big Ben, or the Golden Gate Bridge.

Then too, some people might live in a town that might not have any places that are popular photo ops, but have a distinguished legacy all their own, such as Salem, Massachusetts or Bentonville, Arkansas.

Of course, even if they don't make the travel guides or the history books, just about every city or town in the world has its own claim to fame.

Some that residents proudly promote, others that people hope never get any major attention outside of town lines.

Redditor Worried-Stable-9963 was eager to hear the biggest claim to fame of people's hometowns, leading them to ask:

"What's the most iconic thing where you live?"

Think Carefully Before Taking A Group Shop...

"Blucifer."

"The giant blue horse sculpture that killed the sculptor."

"It has shining red eyes and is NOT helping the DIA conspiracy rumors."- BeastmodeBallerina

"The [Place] Where It Happen[ed]"...

"Alexander Hamilton was shot in the famous duel in 1804, right down the street from where I live." - Reddit

Bibliophiles Rejoice!

"'Anne of Green Gables'."

"And potatoes."

"But the cruise ships of Asian tourists ain’t here for the spuds."- Blue_Moon_Rabbit

martin sheen marilla cuthbert GIF by PBS Giphy

Doesn't Have Quite The Same Ring To It!

"A Golden Gate bridge that is orange."- CalGoldenBear55

Talk About Nickel And Dime...

"We have two actually."

"A Giant Nickel and the World's tallest Smoke Stack that I refer to as the world's tallest cigarette or 'dart'."- GrungusDnD

"My Kind Of Town..."

"The Sears Tower and Lake Shore Drive."- Acceptable-Yak7968

Beer Pong Chicago GIF by BPONGofficial Giphy

For Writer's Needing Inspiration

"Cannery row."- Zealousideal-Bug7138

"Driving there from San Jose is a nice drive through Steinbeck country."- kathatter75

The True Spirit Of St. Louis

"The Gateway Arch."- NowForMy2ndAct

"That’s the only thing here besides the Cardinals."- Andrew_The_Soviet

The Air Is Full Of Spices...

"Old Bay seasoning."- AlmostSane67

"Natty Boh too?"- i_love_ankh_morpork·

old bay japan GIF Giphy

All Roads Lead To Oregon...

"Mt. Hood, probably."

"Any part of the city with a bit of elevation you can look over on a nice day and see a snow covered volcano towering 11,000ft / 3350m over you."

"Doesn't quite compare to seeing Tahoma (Mt Rainier) from the Seattle area, but still cool."

"Also on a crystal clear day, driving north across the Saint John's Bridge, you can see Mt Hood, Mt Adam, Mt St Helen's, and Rainier all at the same time."

"Also the Portland 'White Stag' billboard."

"Hard to miss that one."- Beekatiebee

How Many People Run The Steps, But Don't Go In The Museum...

"Rocky steps."- Bulky_Ad_3608

"I was more impressed by imperfect love when I visited."- Brok3n_wind

He's Out There Somewhere...

"Mothman."- Deputy_Beagle76

"No recent sightings that I know of."

"But Point Pleasant does have a yearly Mothman Festival that’s really popular."- Deputy_Beagle76

Giphy

Take Flight...

"Birthplace of the Wright Brothers, Air Force base, uhhhh."

"Yeah."- carolinethebandgeek

Don't Forget Your Beignets...

"Bourbon Street and Mardi Gras."- The_Pug

Jolly Old England!

"I live in the oldest town in England."

"We have the oldest church in the world."

"My house dates to the 10th century."

"Come at me bro."- schnitzelvk

World Cup Football GIF by Manne Nilsson Giphy

Every town and city in the world will be remembered for something.

Even if some might only be remembered by its residents.