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People Who Were In Abusive Relationships Break Down The Moment They Thought, 'This Isn't Normal'

Abusive relationships are insidious. You might not realize you're in one. Not at first. Abusers are usually very charming and they find ways to lower your defenses and get you to trust them. Once things go south though, it can be difficult to leave. Abusers often tie their victims to them emotionally and financially. The threat of physical violence is real in many cases. Leaving an abusive relationship requires people to confront their unhealthy coping mechanisms and to stop living in denial... no easy task.

After Redditor Nuppa_Nuppa07 asked the online community, "People who got out of an abusive relationship, what was your biggest 'That's not normal'?" survivors weighed in with their recollections.

Warning: Some sensitive content ahead.


"Being able to go..."

Being able to go to a friend's house and not being yelled at when I came home.

YaBoboCA

"Not having a 'curfew'..."

Not having a "curfew" strategically to stop you from seeing your friends. "Wait, WHAT I don't even have to think twice about going out for dinner? Wild."

Wit-wat-4

"It was weird until I realized..."

When I was dating my husband, he never made fun of me or made jokes at my expense. It was weird until I realized it was normal for your partner to not degrade you and make you feel bad about yourself.

Once when we were visiting my home state, he told me I should go out with some friends since I won't be seeing them for awhile. I was honestly shocked. Like seriously? I'm allowed to go? You won't accuse me of cheating on you or trying to lose you? It was wild. I hadn't realized just how bad my past relationships really were.

This December my husband and I will be four years strong.

VitriolicWyverns

"Not having to explain..."

Not having to explain where you've been, why you took so long and no you aren't lying to conceal actually having been whoring around rather than at the grocery store.

Also being allowed to keep my own bank card and money.

Reecespie

"Took me a while..."

I was the one that came out of the abusive relationship. I remember at the beginning of the relationship with my current gf, something happened that bothered me but I kept it quiet. My gf noticed and asked me to express how I felt, to which I replied "It's ok. It doesn't matter how I feel." It was kind of an automatic response. I felt like I didn't want to make a "big deal" out of my feelings. That's when my gf said "That's not normal. Your feelings do matter." Which was... Shocking, honestly. Took me a while to get used to being able to express my feelings in a healthy environment.

ImInJeopardy

"She would read messages..."

She would read messages I'd sent to other people, both on my computer and on my phone. I often found myself having to explain a certain statement or opinion at a moments notice about any conversation I'd had recently. I had zero expectation of privacy the entire time and was often shamed any time I tried to take some back.

Nonsenseinabag

"God, where to begin."

God, where to begin.

I escaped a nine year long abusive relationship six years ago.

I'm now happily engaged yet still have to remind myself that completely innocent day to day occurrences are ok.

Such as:

Coughing or sneezing when in bed. This used to result in me being punched as punishment.

Being allowed to sleep in. If I tried to sleep in he'd pour water on me and then my side of the bed so I wouldn't be able to sleep.

Being able to accidentally drop something or spill a drink without being sworn at.

The emotional manipulation made me stay for so long. No one had any idea. I masked it so well.

Now I'm truly happy but get flashbacks daily.

Mrsjamesmay

"I had gotten out..."

I had gotten out of an abusive relationship.

New guy I was seeing was trying to have sex with me. I said no. He immediately stopped and instead got me a blanket and gave me water. We just continued watching TV together and I was wrapped up like a burrito.

I guess someone ignoring you when you say no is not normal.

Bitter_Syllabub

"The one that really stands out..."

There were so many things about my first marriage that should have been red flags, but I didn't recognize as "not normal" until I got out and got some perspective. The one that really stands out is that it's not normal to be pressured for sex so consistently that you just give in and have sex you don't want or enjoy in order to be able to be left alone about it for a day or so.

UnsolicitedSpiders

"Eventually I realized..."

After a while with my current boyfriend I kept being surprised at how long we'd been together. Eventually I realised it was because I'd been expecting to get that walking-on-eggshells feeling by the 6-month to 1-year mark and it hadn't happened.

You only notice the not-normal part after the fact, sometimes a long time after the fact, especially if it's your normal. I only picked up on the fact that I'd been abused by my ex several years later after watching a youtube video on the subject and realising I had all the symptoms; my friends thought I already knew.

Pseudonymico

"I only found this out..."

I only found this out after I left but being held against a wall by my neck apparently wasn't. I thought it was a normal way to make your kids listen to you when you punished them but I was very wrong.

witchybitch2006

"It seems obvious..."

Realizing that normal relationships actually made you feel good about yourself. It seems obvious but like, I spent so long feeling like crap that I thought that was how it was supposed to be. When I met my now-husband, he treated me with decency and respect and I thought "No way. This is a joke." I still have a hard time fully trusting it sometimes because I keep feeling like there's gotta be a catch. Trauma, y'all.

hdujtd

"We both were in college..."

Was in a five year relationship and after it ended I found out that alot of other couples will split bills and such. We both were in college struggling to make ends meet and I paid for every dinner and every date we went on. That was a real wake up call for me.

blastoise02

"I'll never forget the look..."

I'll never forget the look on my wife's face when on the third date I casually mentioned my ex stabbed me twice.

IPokePeople

"That's what trust is about..."

I had some questions about a conversation they had with someone else about me (needed all the facts of the scenario). They volenteered to let me read through their phone in case I didn't believe them.

That's what trust is about, you don't need to prove it to me after you gave me your word.

I think the weirdness was the insistance about trying to prove their truthfulness, like they were used to people not believing them or invading their privacy.

sneaky_sunfish

"My childhood comfort item..."

My childhood comfort item got broken during a time of great distress and he said, "You sound so annoying when you cry. I hate it so much."

CoffeeAndPizzaRolls

"He did not get angry..."

Biggest was that I had a breakdown when declining sex with my partner (who is wonderful) for the first time. He did not get angry, or sulky. He reacted with cuddles and "that's okay" type of responses. I was completely shocked. Had not been able to safely reject sex before, and my brain had simply stopped considering that as an option.

LittlePurrx

"When I wasn't allowed..."

When I wasn't allowed to be friends with men. Especially those who were single. He told me, "It's ok that you're friends with Tom because he is my friend and he has a girlfriend" But I couldn't be friends with Ryan who is in the same class as me at college.

He was extremely jealous and possessive. His first wife cheated on him and thus he projected all his crap onto me. Wasn't allowed to work for fear of chatting up with men, wasn't allowed to study (after finding out I did a project with a male classmate). I stayed home because I was scared and didn't know any better (I was with him for 9 years starting when I was 19).

jexabelle

"There were several..."

There were several but I think the biggest was when the abuse started to cross over into torture. If he was particularly mad at me, he wouldn't allow me to go to sleep at night. He would turn on all the lights, pull all the sheets and pillows off the bed. Scream at me, shake me, just so I couldn't sleep.

super_nice_shark

"There was always drama..."

There was always drama to prevent me from making other friends or spending time with them. He never outright said he didn't want me to have friends but it was obvious. I couldn't visit home without him either or see old friends there.

I started college and suddenly was getting rides from him?! It made no sense since we both had cars. He just wanted to make sure I didn't stay and made friends.

One of the final big red flags.

Even those of us that are naive things get a little too obvious.

SillyGayBoy

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People Share The Best Little-Known Movie Facts They Know

Reddit user Kuli24 asked: 'What's a movie fact you know that pretty much no one else knows?'

movie set
Chris Murray on Unsplash

Easter eggs, bloopers, trivia, behind the scenes anecdotes... cinephiles live collecting them and sharing their knowledge with others.

Some trivia is well known—like Eric Stoltz was replaced by Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future. Other tidbits are more obscure, like Arnold Schwarzenegger was first considered for the Michael Biehn role of Kyle Reese in The Terminator.

Some stories are conspiracy theories or urban legends—like the body in the forest on The Wizard of Oz set.

But what about just film facts? The obscure ones?

Keep reading... Show less
An illuminated mansion at night
Photo by Daniel Barnes on Unsplash

It's no secret that as a person starts to make more money, they may forget how difficult they had it when there was less money coming into their bank account.

Not only are rich people often incredibly out-of-touch with the realities of most people's lives, but what they choose to prioritize and bring into their home is often pretty bizarre, too.

Already side-eyeing, Redditor Jerswar asked:

"What's the weirdest thing you've witnessed in the home of a rich person?"

Love Can't Be Bought

"Rich grandparents had a brand new house built, had a $100,000 splash pad built for their only grandchild who has never visited them at their new house."

- wyoflyboy68

"This reminds me of when my sister built her house. She had a barrier-free ground-floor apartment built in it, so my grandmother could visit. She never did."

- P44

A Separate Hoarder's House

"I had a rich neighbor growing up who'd always invite us over for parties and always insisted on giving us gifts and leftovers. They did this with every guest."

"They were also hoarders but built a separate house to keep their crap in. It was filled with whatever they bought but never used and even never got out of the packaging it was delivered in."

"They told my mom to take a box of what she wanted, and for s**ts and giggles, she did. It was a knife collection and sharpener set."

- MUSTARDUNAVAILABLE

Unusual Art

"I was at John Waters’ house for his birthday and he has a room set up as a lifelike recreation of a meth lab (it wasn’t a real meth lab, it’s an art piece)."

"He told me that when Bill Clinton visited him the secret service agents were extremely concerned about the room."

- writeleahwrite

Weird Pet Relationships

"One client had a whole separate house on their property just for their dogs. They'd referred to it as the 'dog house,' and I was expecting like maybe a little building in the yard where they kept their toys or something, but this was a fully furnished home with king-sized beds and a huge playroom on the main floor."

"They had a full training and feeding staff to care for the dogs and everything. They lived in their own house and would come over to visit. Seemed like a weird dynamic to have with your pet..."

"One client didn't have a litterbox for the cats, their cats I guess didn't like using the boxes in the basement and they didn't want to put boxes upstairs so they put down pond liner and kitty litter across an entire room in the basement and had their housekeeper run a rake through it daily."

- daabilge

Special Needs Kitty Mystery Mansion

"As a kid back in the Mesozoic Era (I'm old), my best friend and I used to play in a converted racquetball court and lounge under the old West Coast mansion her family had lived in since its construction."

"The stairs to it were hidden behind a closet off of the abandoned servants' quarters. Halfway down the stairs was a wine cellar. A decoy as the actual wine cellar for the home was under the kitchen….. Another staircase behind a rack of dusty bottles led two stories down to our giant play area beneath this."

"At the beginning of WWII, before Pearl Harbor, my friend’s paranoid WWI vet grandfather had dug out the space over fear of Japanese (or German) invasion. Her dad made the giant room regulation designed for racquetball years later. Maybe originally squash. Not sure, but the lounge area was also glassed off above it so one could look down into the court like a gallery."

"It was really neat. Also upstairs in the living room was a wall straight out of an old mystery novel. If you pushed a spot just right, the wall opened to a hidden room. Super tiny and had a button to ring certain other rooms in the house as the home had these already to call for staff. My friend's mom said it was so if someone quickly had to hide, they could alert the household of danger."

"We used to pretend to be on Nancy Drew cases all the time... so fun."

"The family was wealthy, but despite the amazing home, they lived a completely pretentious free life. Normal cars, camping vacations, frugal living as sport."

"But they were philanthropists too, especially supporting organizations like the humane society. One thing about this family’s home was all the cats. I loved kitties but had a mother who preferred her animals well-seasoned. The family had the space so they always had, and were looking to adopt out but often didn’t, at least 20 rescue cats, many with special needs."

"I’m old, I didn’t know how to write that. Special needs kitty mystery mansion really is actually an appropriate description..."

- waltersmama

"Special needs kitty mystery mansion with hidden panic rooms and decoy wine cellars is like, the best possible fever dream."

- ConneisseurOfDanger

A Unique Viewing Experience

"In Naples, FL., I was at a house with a sensory deprivation room. Flat black walls with acoustic dampening baffles, in the middle was a coffin-like bathtub. It had speakers and a flat-screen display in the lid."

"I heard that the room cost over $100K to build."

- frank_sarno

A Christmas Village

"They had part of the house permanently decorated for Christmas and it included a fully decorated Christmas tree that was suspended upside down from the ceiling. Which was pretty awesome."

- lithecello

New Meaning to "Don't Take Your Work Home"

"My wife and I used to babysit for this wealthy couple when they went on ski trips etc."

"Except for the children's schoolbooks, there wasn't a book, magazine, or newspaper in the house."

"The man was a publisher."

- Texbadger349

The End of Laundry

"I knew someone who didn't like to do laundry so she just bought new clothes for each of her 4 kids every week. They were always high-quality or designer clothes. At the time, all her kids were 10 to 16 years old."

"What would happen if they liked an item a lot and couldn't find it again? Why not just teach the kids to do their own laundry? Why not hire a housekeeper who can do it?"

"There are so many options, other than spending thousands every month just to avoid laundry. Plus, they rarely donated it. Just bagged it up and threw it out. I never could wrap my head around it."

- coffee-jnky

Can We Be the Trivia Guy?

"I know someone who's worked for a very rich person, probably worth billions. He had more than 100 staff on site, including chefs for the staff...all while divorced and living alone. He had a 'trivia' staff member... someone hired to tell him interesting facts and stories daily. That was his only job."

"Someone else was hired to maintain his shoes. Polish, shine, the works."

"If I didn't hear it firsthand, I wouldn't have believed it."

- mambo-nr4

A Mud Room, Indeed!

​"I used to work as an exterminator, mostly pest control. This had me walking through houses from the poor to the rich."

"One day, I pulled up to a four-story mansion with more rooms than I could count."

"I spoke with the lady at the door and got started. As I sprayed, I noticed there wasn’t much furniture in the house. As I went, I made a game of counting the furniture I could find. Over 50 rooms and the whole building had 13 pieces of furniture."

"Pretty odd, but then I went into the very last room, a mud room right by the door I came into."

"I stopped as I walked in, completely shocked. A huge, full-sized (alive) adult pig stretched from one end of the room to the other, resting on the tile floor. I’m talking five or six feet stretched out across the room. Flies buzzed around its head as it stared at me."

"Suddenly, the lady (who I hadn’t seen since she let me in) said, 'Oh, don’t go in there. She doesn’t like men,' and then she walked me out, paid me, and went back inside."

- Moist-Exchange2890

His Very Own Hot Wheels Garage

"Buddy of mine has a car elevator."

"Instead of just building a bigger garage, he stores his cars stacked onto each other, like some kind of Hot Wheels accessory. It's very surreal."

- SmackEh

Make Yourself at Home

​"My friend's dad growing up was one of the top lawyers in our state. Their house was so d**n big, I got confused (lost as h**l) on all the staircases they had everywhere. They would split in a few places and lead to banisters that had different connections to different parts of the house."

"They had a room just for dishes. Her mom had a huge room for sewing and another for different crafts. They both had an office. Many guest rooms. A small kitchen in one part with a sink, coffee pot, and fridge. Their main bathroom for guests had heated floors and rainfall showers and everything. I LOVED HER SHOWER."

"Her room had a balcony and a table outside."

"They had a pool and hot tub. Horses and a barn and lots of cute barn cats."

"I was very poor and had a messed up situation in my childhood. I stayed there a lot and they would even take me for weeks in the summer because my mother was not there. They are really great people."

" They didn't give handouts or anything, I would literally scoop up horse shit and clean stalls and help with everything for those horses when I stayed. I wanted to help."

"They had a maid, but we still cleaned up after ourselves. Their kitchen was gigantic, and I always loved the fancy pasta water arm over the stove. I had so much fun cooking with her mom and us having the big dinners (Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas) with them."

"They were so magnificent and beyond anything I would have ever experienced without them. I got my first pair of cowboy boots from them for Christmas. Her dad bought me a plane ticket one time out of the blue because I wanted to visit my grandmother. Never forget them."

- xNinjaNoPants

So Much Wasted Food

"A very rich person I know does not eat leftover food. They will cook a feast and after, everything goes straight in the garbage no matter how much is left over."

- duckduckroosebolton

"My husband won’t eat leftovers because he thinks it will give him diarrhea. His family is preoccupied with food poisoning but doesn’t know any of the actual food safety rules."

"Oh well, more for me."

- jendet010

"My brother-in-law’s family does this but they are middle class. It’s such a waste!"

- outlawjoseymeow

An Art Enthusiast

"Not weird but a Van Gogh, just chillin' in the hallway. I took a selfie with the flash on, whoops."

- Raccoon_Expert_69

"When I did executive level IT support years back, I found a Monet dangling haphazardly on an office chair in the CEO's extra office (which was unused for storage, and had an extra desktop computer I would sometimes use for quick tasks when on that floor)."

"Another time, I was admiring a Joan Miro coffee table book in his main office, and when his assistant noticed, he showed me into a side room I didn’t realize was there, which had a mini gallery of original Miro drawings."

- spymusicspy

It's amazing what people will spend money on when they have the money to spare. It would be so interesting to see how much more a person would explore a hobby if they had the money to spend.

Movie Twists That Caught Audiences Completely Off-Guard
Photo by Krists Luhaers on Unsplash

There's nothing like leaving a movie theater having just seen an excellent movie.

Particularly one that took you by surprise.

Perhaps it was deeper and more meaningful than it purported itself to be, or on the flip side, had much more warmth and humor that you would have expected.

Or, the film took an unexpected twist that you never saw coming.

Resulting in your needing to bite your tongue until the rest of your friends and family see the film, and not spoil the surprise for them.

Redditor HornyCorny was curious to hear which plot twists left viewers utterly speechless, leading them to ask:

"What’s a movie twist that caught you completely off guard?"

He Didn't See It Coming Either!

"Brad Pitt in 'Burn After Reading'."

"So surprising and downright freaking hilarious."- thefirehairman

If The Shoe Fits...

"'The Shawshank Redemption'."

"Come on."

"It's not always a man notices another man's shoes."- FUBARspecimenT-89

Lucky For Some, Not For All...

"'Lucky Number Slevin'."

"Huge twist and very satisfying."- kvlr954

angry josh hartnett GIF Giphy

Rosie O'Donnell Would Agree...

"Fight Club."- BuchseeI

"once watched it with a friend who had never even heard of it, and she called the twist like, a half hour in."

"She said it as a joke and didn't realize she was right until the actual reveal, but still I was shook."- yugosaki

I See You Keyser Söze

"The ending of 'The Usual Suspects'."- Schwarzes__Loch

Definitive Shyamalan

''The Sixth Sense'."

'I love movies with plot twists, but I never imagined this one. It caught me completely off guard."- lucasduka

Haley Joel Osment Movie GIF Giphy

The Title Is Also Misleading...

"The second half of 'Parasite'."- iwontrememberthat4

Appropriately, They Really Toyed With Your Cognition

"'The Game'."- DudeHeadAwesome

"Good one!'

"I spent the entire movie going 'is it a game? Is it real?'"- fastpixels

There Were Definitely Ghosts...

"'The Others'."

"Unsuspected end."- NeckComprehensive743

scared horror film GIF by FilmStruck Giphy

One Unforgettable Opening Scene

"'Scream'."

"The Drew Barrymore role."- LivingTheLife53

The Real Reason Everyone Is Terrified Of Bees...

"When I was a kid, I wanted to feel good and happy."

"So at the video store, I decided to rent a movie with two happy laughing kids on the DVD cover, thinking it would be a feel-good playful story."

"That movie was 'My Girl'."

"Eff that movie."

"Seriously."

'The DVD cover lies."

"IT LIES."- buckyhermit

You THOUGHT you knew who the villains were...

"'From Dusk to Dawn' — midway point."

"Didn’t know at all what I was walking into when saw it in the theatre decades ago — just, you know, Salma Hayek. Good enough."

"Quentin Tarantino slurping tequila from her foot after it ran down the entire length of her leg — that was already a 'Holy WTF' moment."

"But then, well.. . you know."

"And if you don’t know — quick, go watch it. "

"No trailer, no synopsis, no summary."

"Find it and load it 'blind' and fasten your seatbelt."

"You’re in for a wild ride."- canada11235813

George Clooney Tarantino GIF by MIRAMAX Giphy

It's Title Is More Than Accurate!

"'Crazy Stupid Love'."

"The scene when the whole movie goes apesh*t in the yard is one of my all time favorite movie scenes."- Fimbulvintern

Trifecta Of Twists

"'The Others'."

"The end of 'The Mist'."

"'The Prestige' (though, I ALMOST had it figured out, but not quite)."- Krinks1

There's nothing better than when a movie surprises you.

Even if it does make talking about said movie with people who haven't seen it a bit more challenging.

Case in point, people who saw The Sixth Sense and The Usual Suspects after their endings were spoiled for them, don't seem to like those movies as much as those who went in blind.