There's always a way out... if you know what to offer.
Redditor PancakeSam_ asked today's burning question: "Police of Reddit, what bribes do you get offered most often? And for what offences?"
Turns out there's a variety, but are you surprised?
"We kept asserting that we were not arresting him..."
I worked as an EMT in my younger days and we came across this very drunk gentleman one day and put him in the back. (In my state it's legal to take custody of patients who are not alert and oriented) the patient in question thought we were cops because our uniforms were similar and he thought he was getting arrested for drunk and disorderly so he tried offering us the rest of his booze and $12 to let him go. We kept asserting that we were not arresting him and we were taking him to the hospital to sober up so he didn't walk into traffic like he was about to do.
"Stopped a car late one night..."
Stopped a car late one night for failure to maintain lane. Given the time, etc, I had expected to find a DUI.
Approached the passenger side window, talked briefly, and discovered they were indeed all on the way home from a club, with a stop at a conveniece store for food on the way.
The driver, though, was their DD, and not impaired at all. She was just distracted by the party atmosphere in the car.
In the lap of the front seat passenger was their convenience store bag. She started trying to make me a sandwich out of bologna, mustard, and a loaf of white bread.
"News flash..."
"You can keep it if you just let me go!"
"It" referring to various narcotics - baggie of heroin, little crack rock, jar of bud.
News flash: I'm keeping it as evidence and you're going to county.
"Everyone knows those..."
Cash for speeding offences. Everyone knows those soft plastic holders for your ownership and insurance? Well, people like to hand those over with cash stuck in them. I always make people take their documentation out of the plastic holder and hand it to me so this doesn't happen. Never have I, nor would I ever take it. It pisses me off when people do this. Do you really think I am going to abandon all my morals and job for $50? It is usually people that have come from outside of North American who do this. It might be acceptable there, but not here. Also for those that are about to ask why I don't charge them for trying to offering me a bribe, reasonable doubt is a b!tch.
"Most bizarre one..."
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Someone already mentioned the most common one for me, which would be "you can keep the drugs/cash".
Most bizarre one would be from an offender who owned a taco shop and offered me free tacos for life if I looked the other way.
"But the one I've had a few times..."
Honestly there are waaaay more threats than there are bribes. But the one I've had a few times is money in lieu of DUI stuff.
"I had three stages of dealing with bribes..."
Never had any bribes offered when I was a cop. Got plenty of offers as a correctional officer. Mostly it was commissary (Ramen soups, honey buns, etc) and in return they'd ask for things like food from staff dining, getting moved to other housing sections or other cells, or for me to bring in cigarettes for them. I had one guy offer to wire me a few thousand dollars if I would bring a message to his wife.
I had three stages of dealing with bribes:
- "Nah, man, I'm good." If they pressed the matter, it became
- "No, I never take things from inmates." if they insisted, it was then
- "Okay, I don't feel like writing a report tonight if I don't have to. So, we're both going to pretend you were just joking. Because if you try to bribe me one more time, I'm writing you up and throwing you in the hole, and you might even catch another case. So you might want to shut up and walk away."
- Never got past stage 3.
"I had one gal in my office..."
As a Loss Prevention Officer, I apprehend and prosecute shoplifters. I had one gal in my office handcuffed and yelling at me. She was very dirty, smelly, and what looked to be sticky. I ignored her and continued to type my report while waiting for the police to arrive. While typing my report, she stops yelling and without skipping a beat, says very sexually, "I'll blow you if you let me go." I said "Ewwww, sit back and shut up." I've been bribed many things, but that was nasty.
"I was once offered porn level sex..."
I was once offered porn level sex with one of the hottest women I have ever known. Arguably the hottest woman I have ever known. I knew who she was too since a couple of friends of mine had slept with her. She was drunk. I walked back to the car and called for a female patrol to handle the remainder of the traffic stop, FSTs etc. I was still pulled off the road for a couple weeks for an investigation but was commended for not giving in.
"Had a guy who stole a car..."
Had a guy who stole a car offer me a McDonald's monopoly free French fry if I would just let me him go. Also if I just called his father, Tony the Tiger, he would be able to clear everything up.
"I've been threatened at least three dozen times."
In my fourteen years of police work, no one has ever offered me a bribe. I've seen a DUI suspect offer to give oral sex to a coworker. The offer was politely refused.
I've been threatened at least three dozen times. I've received death threats, threats of non-fatal violence, threats to have me fired, threats to rape me, threats that someone's god would curse me, and threats of lawsuits. Unless this is a very strange afterlife, no one has ever followed through on any of them.
"5 years on."
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5 years on. One lady in a very joking manner said, "Can't I just buy you lunch or something?". I politely refused. That was the only time I've ever been propositioned in any way on the job. I must be hideous.
A cop friend of mine and his partner pulled a guy over for DUI and the guy offered him 10 bucks to "forget the whole thing."
He said "I've already called it in, and besides, I'd have to split that ten with my partner. If you're going to try to bribe me, at least make it more than five dollars!"
He didn't charge him with attempted bribery, because it would be hard to prove that he wasn't joking.
"He wasn't charged."
My SO's grandfather had to have his license revoked recently. He tried bribing the lady at the DMV.
He slid a hundo across to her and said, "How much is this gonna cost to get it taken care of?"
He wasn't charged. Had no business driving. Does not have his license now.
"To this day..."
Not a cop, but my brother is a TSA agent who had this story to tell. He once had to screen Justin Bieber as the kid was going through LAX. The kid really wanted to bring his soda from In-N-Out through the checkpoint. Even though he was going on a private jet which had sodas already on the plane, he wanted to bring that specific soda with him. No fluids over 3.4 ounces.
"I'll sing you a song if you let me keep it."
To this day, we're still not sure if he was trying to bribe a federal employee, or if he was just threatening to subject everyone in the terminal to his "music."
"Back in the early 2000s..."
Not me but my dad's best friend was a cop for like 40 years. Back in the early 2000s he pulled over a car with 4 chicks where the driver was drunk and they offered him group sex if he didn't give the driver a DWI.
"When I was in college..."
When I was in college, and frankly much better looking, and still struggling with a lot of mental health issues, I got pulled over for speeding. I was broke and it was a hefty ticket. I was drunk and didn't want him checking so I offered the (MUCH OLDER) officer a handjob if he let me off. He looked around for cameras, pulled out his penis, and predictably asked me to use my mouth after barely the first tug. I swallowed and he left me his number and drove off.
Never called him. I tried flashing a different officer another time but he was super gay so I ended up looking like a fool that time.
"I work in corrections..."
I work in corrections at our local county jail in the booking/intake section. A female doctor whom was arrested for DWI and would not be seeing a magistrate until the following morning, she missed the days cut off time and would have to wait another 24 hrs, got on her knees and loudly yelled "Who's d**k do I have to suck to get out of jail!?!?!" Not mine that's for sure, lol.
Kids say the cutest things, don't they?
Their unfiltered observations about life's many mysteries can be downright hilarious and serve as reminders of their pure innocence.
But it's less forgivable when adults make naive comments because, well, shouldn't they know better?
That's not always the case, however.
Curious to hear ridiculous examples of the things grown people say, Redditor Automatic_Hedgehog71 asked:
"What is the silliest statement you have ever heard someone make?"
Some people should really think twice before opening their mouth.
Work Of Art
"'How did they get the paint all the way up the sides?' -Middle-aged woman touring the Meteor Crater in AZ."
“'That’s not paint, those are the actual colors of the rock' -Her husband, giving her a long stare and walking away."
– ghostbungalow
For Trial And Error
"I had a boss say 'oh you don’t want kids, you should just have one to try it out.'"
"Really, and what happens if I find out that I truly don’t want kids? Can we just put it back where it came from?"
– tyintegra
Confused Soldier
"I worked at a place that gave a military discount."
"Family (mom, dad, adult son, adult daughter) walked in. Dad was reading the prices and pointed out to the son that he could get a discount!"
"This kid takes the sign, reads it, and says, as God is my witness:"
"I'm not in the military. I'm in the Army."
– JustMeerkats
To Live Or Let Die
"Someone once told me that paramedics/nurses/doctors are not allowed to do CPR on someone they know because it’s 'a conflict of interest.'”
– corviknight2259
It's a wonder how some people manage to live in the real world.
Know Your Audience When Using Big Words
"Sat down to eat with a friend. I said 'I'm famished' she looked at me, laughed and LOUDLY she said to me 'I swear you make up words sometimes.'"
– NotBadSinger514
"Oh man people say this to me all the time! Why did I read books and learn so many words, when no one understands them, and I really didn't think they were so pretentious, words like Famished."
– Person_Letter_629
Not Icarus
"A friend of mine said she got more tanned when riding her bike than she did when walking because on her bike, she was 'closer to the sun.'"
– Five_Star_Amenities
"This just reminded me of a time I was out on a boat with a big group of people and one of them said 'I’m so glad it’s windy, I won’t get sunburned' they thought the wind would push the light away from their skin. I was the only one to say it definitely doesn’t work like that and I could tell they thought I was wrong."
– Thbbbt_Thbbbt
The Symptoms Indicate Otherwise
"Earlier today I offered a cough drop upon my flight’s landing to the lady wet coughing right behind me the whole flight."
'Oh, no thanks, I’m not sick. I just went to Oregon and have felt awful the whole time since.'
"Okay…so…sick"
– ACaparzo
Completely Lost
"A friend once said she couldn't take Southwest Airlines because she was flying east to Florida."
– ProudCatLadyxo
"How do they get the planes back? Do they repaint them as Northeast? Or do they just push them?"
– ch4m3le0n
"They just keep flying south until they come back around."
– frymeyourpoop
A Silly Sports Spectator Said
"I was at a baseball game in Cincinnati and the teenage girl behind turned to her friend and said 'this is so cool, it's almost like we're watching it live.' I think about that a lot."
"EDIT: based on the look of the girls and their other conversations this was no joke, there was no laughing either. Don't remember the exact year but flip phones were the most common cell phone and we had seats in the outfield so she didn't appear to be watching the game thru her phone. This also wasn't the first time that day where I heard them say something and I stopped what I was doing and stared straight into space, just the most memorable. They seemed like nice enough girls, no malicious or rude conversations, it just appeared like they lacked some basic intelligence for some relatively simple concepts."
– Michael_With_An_M
You can't be difficult and clueless at the same time, can you?
Observe exhibits A, B, & C.
Unpalatable Texture
"A woman tried to send back a dish. She didn’t understand the components of it and tried to tell me that she couldn’t eat it because she was allergic to crunchy. Like yeah the texture. Not the ingredient that we had made crunchy."
– BuckleupBirds
"LMAO. Makes me feel better about the guy who asked a friend (server) for ‘Mushroom risotto, but without the rice’."
– Mavises
I'll Have The Pie And Ice Cream With A Side Of Ice Cream
"Had an older family member that back in the day went to a diner and ordered the 'pie a la mode' from the menu. He then proceeded to ask the waitress if they could put a little ice cream on top of that. : )"
– Fluffing_Satan
My husband and I were walking around a gift shop in Solvang, CA, and marveling at some of the various tchotchkes.
One of them was a MOVA globe.
MOVA globes are usually about the size of a softball held up by three small supports, and they rotate without the use of electrical wires or batteries.
Instead, they're powered by the combination of solar cells and torque from the earth's magnetic field. We didn't know this at the time, however.
When a worker nearby saw us being mesmerized by the shelf of spinning globes, he commented, "Cool, right?"
And I replied, "Yeah, how does it work?"
The dude gave a sly smile and said:
"It's an optical delusion."
Or illusion...
We all have various brands and businesses we tend to prefer over others.
Sometimes, we might not patronize these businesses because they have a superior product, but because they might seem more trustworthy than their competitors.
Indeed, some people have had such terrible experiences with companies, even some esteemed corporations, that they went running from them straight into the arms of one of their rivals.
Vowing that they would never, ever spend money on this company ever again.
Redditor SignificantClick8284 was eager to hear which companies people have zero trust in, leading them to ask:
"What company will you never trust again?"
Their Poor Communication Is Kind Of Ironic...
"Comcast."
"Their agents will lie to your face and act like you're in the wrong when called out."- bigdammit
customer service call center GIF
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Not A Place To Spend Or Save Your Money...
"Ashley Furniture."
"Joke of a company."
"Bank of America - also scum."- KrankOverman
Better Question, What Question Will You EVER Trust Again...
"Unfurls paper scroll that stretches to the floor and rolls out the door."
"Ahem."- djb2589
"I see no reason to trust any company."- lycos94
When The Conformation Email Is Moot...
"Booking.com."
"I 'booked' through them just to find out that the hotel had no record of my reservation."
"Then I spent an hour in the lobby trying to get them on the phone, just to find out the price wouldn’t be honored and have them try to sell me another nearby hotel room."
"Nightmare."- DuncanAerilious
"Oh, oh The Well's Fargo Wagon Is A Comin'..."
"Wells Fargo."- clubberlang2005
"Yup."
"I was one of the WF customers who suddenly had 3 mystery WF accounts under my name."
"This was prior to the court case so I went in to my branch to ask WTF."
"The manager said the guy who set up those accounts was the same guy that setup my original 2 accounts - a checking and savings account."
"That a-hole tried to make it sound like he was doing me a favor by setting up all these accounts."
"Making it worse he says I need to login to my account in order for him to remove the other 3 accounts."
"He hands me that password box, I enter my password and he says 'that's an easy one to remember'."
"Is that your favorite band?'"
"After he said that I asked for the branch manager and told him what just happened and that I was closing all of my accounts'."- thescreamingstone
kate mckinnon snl GIF by Saturday Night Live
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"That's All Folks!"
"ACME."
"Every f8cking thing."
"From anvils to bat suits to zoot suits always FAIL."- alien_survivor
Not Equipped For The Digital Age
"HP."
"Thier printers (large and small format) are all complete trash that require constant upkeep."- Bluegrass_Barbarian
Pictures And Fine Print Can Be Misleading...
"Airbnb."- pkovach64
"My wife and I were drinking and got pretty drunk at an Airbnb and without letting us know the hosts sent a bunch of people to the property to refill the propane and other stuff."
"They came into the house while we were drunk and half-naked and were catcalling my wife in front of me."
"This was a pretty big and well-known group operating in Tennesee."
"From what we found out this is extremely common."- Huge-Plantain-8418
Giveaway GIF by AppSumo
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Analog Has Its Benefits...
"EA."- bullet312
"I lost all my sims sh*t because I hadn't logged in for more than 6 months."
"EA told me to reset my password so that they could restore my account."
"They kept saying the link was in my email, but it never came."
"Kept calling to try to get the issue fixed over a few weeks, then I realized they were just d*cking me around."
"F*ck EA."- MotherOfDogs1872
And To Think They're Supposed To Help You...
"Any insurance company."
"Especially health and homeowners."- carolizzy81
FalsE Advertising
"Nabisco."
"They took double stuffed Oreos, reduced the amount of cream to the same as the regular Oreos, and are still selling them as double stuffed, and are charging double stuffed prices!"
"The betrayal is unforgivable."- It_Wasnt_Me79
oreo GIF
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As If Taxes Aren't Annoying Enough...
"Jackson Hewitt!"
"Had our taxes done a while back, and the tax preparer asked if we wanted the $200 cash advance."
"We did not."
"She then proceeded to change our information and use hers to get the temporary card with the advance."
'She then used an ATM to withdraw cash."
"She was arrested, but getting a refund was like pulling teeth from a hen."
'They didn't believe that it happened even though we had the paperwork with the tax preparer's information on it."
"It was a frigging nightmare!"
"Oh, I almost forgot she added me to the return and said I was the sister instead of the mom, so we ended up owing $1500 on top of the bullsh*t from the tax preparer."
"I do our taxes now."- RoguePhoenix259
People like to know when they're spending money that it's going somewhere they can trust.
Especially if their money is going somewhere that is supposed to keep their money safe, to begin with...