It is quite a time to be alive and a witness to "reality." The world is in upheaval and everybody is searching for answers. The problem is.... nobody has any... so people are starting to believe just any old thing. I suppose it brings some false stability, but that breeds false comfort so when one starts spouting off conspiracy nonsense, that can lead to a world of trouble. Facts are indeed facts. Do your research, think before you speak.
Redditor u/moon0750 wanted everyone to discuss the stories that others believe that are too unbelievable to digest by asking.... What is the strangest conspiracy theory you've ever heard of?We Dare You!
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The Cold War was actually America and Russia saying "we will nuke this place try us" to the orbiting aliens intent on invasion.
Tiny Spies
The government has tiny helicopters that are injected into your bloodstream and fly around in your blood vessels and control you. They never clarified if the helicopters were being piloted by tiny people.
Plus, why not submarines? Didn't they ever see Fantastic Voyage? Never mind, hasn't been on TV lately. And were the helicopters black?
Those Homo Floresiensis
That leprechauns were actually a smaller hominid species that migrated to Ireland from Africa way before humans got there but the Irish wiped them out.
That one could theoretically be true (unlikely, but possible). Homo Floresiensis is believed to have been a separate species of archaic hominids that were 3-4ft tall.
So the possibility of another similar species in Ireland is theoretically possible.
Of course the idea that they survived long enough to enter into folklore while simultaneously leaving no traces is a lot less likely.
The Devil's Deal
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My uncle strongly believes that all celebrities have sold their souls to the devil to be famous. He really believes in most of conspiracy theories.
The Order
Project Blue Beam is arguably the weirdest one of all. It's about NASA creating a advanced projection device to simulate the Second Coming of Christ to trick the world to believing it while the Antichrist is orchestrating a New World Order.
Yup that's the gist of it.
Right? It was the plot of a Heinlein novel. I mean, not NASA, but the projection device.
Revolt in 2100.
One of the main characters used to work in "Applied Miracles", which was essentially "Using special effects to depict miracles being performed on 'live' TV."
The backstory is actually more frightening than people believing in this:
In the fictional history, written in 1940, the First Prophet, a televangelist named Nehemiah Scudder, rode a populist, racist wave of support to the Presidency in 2012, named himself dictator, and no elections were held in 2016 or thereafter.
Electric Wrath
Aunt of a friend believes ball lightning is gods punishment for atheists. Not regular lightning, only ball lightning.
The logic is rarely that well developed. I remember my dad was just dumbfounded that I called it bad luck when he showed me a video of a thief's car getting struck by lightning. He literally could not process why it would matter that non-thieves also get struck by lightning and many thieves don't. He just saw it and thought "yup, that's god's wrath."
The Biggest Secret
My particular favorite is that all world leaders are baby eating shape changing lizards from outer space.
I've actually read that book, The Biggest Secret, it's quite clever in the way that it tries to persuade the reader.
It starts off with a lot of reasonable assertions: people through history have depicted snakes and reptiles... royal families have bloodlines... powerful people tend to protect their power... it gets you nodding along then hits you with 'therefore the Queen is a baby-eating reptilian shapeshifter that uses monoatomic gold to maintain human form'.
Seriously?
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My particular favorites are 'JFK shot first' And 'Australia doesn't exist, it's just a scam by the government to sell plane tickets'
Sir Paul. Is that you?
That the real Paul McCartney died in the 60s and was replaced by a look a like.
I was 15 when that whole thing was the craze. I read the stupidest newspaper article "explaining" it. That was when I found out not all reporters actually research a subject.
Mischaracterizing the whole point of Fool On The Hill, misquoting lyrics I had heard hundreds of times, the whole shot. Still somehow royally creeped me out.
And as I keep saying, if it were true, the guy who replaced Paul has been Paul way longer than Paul was Paul.
The Wonder
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My top has to be the conspiracy that Stevie Wonder isn't actually blind.
5G
Coronavirus is spread by 5G masts. How would that even be possible!? The earth being flat is also a good one.
Came here to say the 5G towers too. lol i'm positive schools cover bacteria and virus in science class... at least in depth enough to know a cell tower can't give you a viral or bacterial infection. lol.
Theories and theories....
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I like the "conspiracy theory" conspiracy theory best. The term is made up by the CIA, to hide the real secrets by throwing in a bunch of crazy stuff. If you believe 9/11 was a inside job, you are probably one those crazies who believes in the illuminati ruling the world.
"the otherside"
Guy at my GFs work thought that there were people who lived under the world, like the world is a flat disk and people lived on the otherside.
It gets weirder, on the otherside there is no light as the sun doesn't rotate below the Earth, so these under-folk are very sensitive to the light.
This meant that when they come to our side, as like secret spies, they must wear glasses to be able to see properly. So basically anyone with glasses was suspicious AF to him.
Anyway, what I'm wondering is how this guy can get a job but I'm rejected from toilet cleaning jobs.
So many areas....
I honestly believe something along these lines: that Area 51 is set up to appear like the hub for the US Government's knowledge on alien visitors and whatnot, but that's all really just smoke and mirrors, and the REAL alien tech and evidence is kept somewhere far away from Area 51 at some location we've never even heard of.
That's Quacked.
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Birds are cameras. The quarantine was made to replace the battery in them.
This.
UFO Plans
Nazi UFO Bunkers. The theory of Hitler escaping to Antarctica and managing to set up UFO bunkers which in turn allowed the nazis to establish secret bases on the moon.
I loved browsing the conspiracy wiki back in the day. Lmao. I went from a wiki stating humans never made it to the moon. Then reading about a Hitler Colonization on the moon. And somehow some tiny little craters make a swastika.
Stephen Knew
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The events of Stephen King's IT were true, simply because he hasn't gone on record saying his inspiration. Guess we really do float cause of these airheads.
That actually kinda works, in a horrific and disgusting way, and as long as you take away the supernatural stuff.
He was the age of the Losers in 1958 and they were all old enough for that orgy (barely) and while I don't know anything about King's upbringing, turning a serial killer or even just one killing, a fear of sewers, clowns and giant spiders in the basement might be what you get if you separate enough of elements of the supernatural extradimensional super god that fights a turtle after years of life and cocaine.
Project Birdseye.....
About 20 years ago I worked at an apartment complex. As a joke I made this one up.
Project Birdseye. The DEA planted cameras in pigeons eye so they could tune in and watch drug deals. Pigeons stay in high crime areas because garage door opener remotes (like in affluent neighborhoods) mess with the circuits and give the birds a headache so they stay away. I told my boss this as a joke.
He must have spread it around because a week later I watched a drug deal start to go down and a pigeon landed nearby and the dealer took the customer away from the bird to finish.
Either others had the same idea as me or mine grew because I have seen it mentioned on other websites many years later.
Sad Beliefs
Magic Johnson never had HIV/AIDS. He was paid by the government to publicly announce that he was positive to change the negative stigma around the disease.
"save us"
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I have a friend that believes John F. Kennedy Jr. is alive and is going to come back to "save us" very soon. Yes, she is into Q. I hear theories several times a week. It's exhausting.
These are the same people that believed Hillary had him killed. But they seem to believe he's working WITH Trump on this.
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Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
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Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
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A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
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A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
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Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.