Guy Devastated After Racist GF Dumps Him, "Can't See Herself With Black Guy Longterm"
But why be racist, when you could just not be racist? Sadly, the country doesn't seem to grasp that ideal tradeoff. We have a tragedy on our hands. u/Allentow laid it out for us:
My (23m) girlfriend (20f) of 2 years broke up with me because she didn't "see herself with a black guy long term." I'm so messed up over this and can't get my stuff together. What can I do here?
Obviously i'm black, GF is white. We met in college and I've since graduated and have a really good job. I was with my GF for just over 2 years.
Over the past few weeks she's been acting strange and finally this weekend she broke up with me. To me it came out of the blue because on labor day I took her on a vacation to Florida and I don't remember the exact words but she told me something like "I want to do stuff like this with you forever."
So she broke up with me Sunday. I did my best to just chill and get over it but I broke down early this morning and called her and asked her what the hell was really going on. She said she didn't want to tell me so I kept pressing her and finally she said "the truth is I love you so much but I never saw myself with a black guy long term." This was devastating because I can work on other sh*t, but I can't change who I am.
I still love her so much it f*cking hurts and my heart is literally breaking and I've called into work the last two days and missed two huge commissions, now my boss is threatening to write me up and that could mean getting fired.
This sh*t is ruining my life.
What can I do about this? Is there any way to convince her that her thinking is racist and she's wrong and that we can be together?
Here was some of the advice he got.
One
You probably won't believe this now, but this is a fantastic turn of events.
You're a young man, lots of life and potential partners out there who aren't just f---ing around with you like some taboo fling.
One day you will be with a woman who accepts you as you and you will smile thinking about the bullet you dodged.
Two
These are things i should have done before to hasten the moving on process:
- Exercise - like regularly going to the gym. Even if your mind and body doesn't want to. Even if your mind is telling me to stay in bed and get wallowed in to the sadness you feel. Go to the gym!
- Make a list of all the things you don't like about her or the moments where she didn't treat you right - your mind is your worst enemy now. You're going through changes that your mind have not coped yet. It's like being addicted to something then you suddenly stop and going through withdrawals. You'll relive your "happy" memories in your mind just to have its fix. Recognize these moments and read through your list.
- Occupy your mind - study more or get a job. The less your mind gets to wonder, the better.
Three
If she's that narrow minded she can't see past skin color, there's nothing you can do but honestly, do you want somebody who is like that in your life? Go to work, see your friends, pick up hobbies, try not to think about her. That's all you can do and you'll meet a girl who doesn't think twice about your skin color and is in love with everything underneath it. I really feel for you.
Four
I'm going to be a little blunt here. I'm a parent and this is what I would say to my own son if this happened to him.
Relationships can be very messy and complicated at times. You still have to live your life. Sitting home and breaking down isn't going to help you. Work will actually be a good distraction for you. Keeping busy will be good for you right now. Please do not miss any more work over this or get fired. That would just make your life so much worse.
You cannot ever really convince ANYONE to be with you. If this is how she feels deep down, thank goodness she told you so that you can see what kind of person she is, and move on with your life. You should NEVER try to convince someone to be with you.
If she never meant to be with you long term, she could have stated that up front, but obviously never did - for 2 years. You obviously love each other, but what she told you would be pretty unacceptable to me going forward. How would you ever honestly trust her intentions again??
Breakups can hurt very badly, but you are clearly an adult and need to handle it like one. That means, mourn the relationship but continue your life in as positive a way as you can muster. Get up every day, go to work, and try to keep yourself healthy and active.
Five
I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you. As a white woman dating a black man, this really hits home. I've been in a situation where a black guy I was dating didn't want to be serious with me because he thought his black friends would judge him for dating a white woman. That sh*t hurt deep and on a tremendous personal level.
My current partner (black) sure does get looks for dating a white woman and the occasional comment. And so do I, but reversed...But... race has never been an issue between us. Racism doesn't belong in a relationship... hell... it doesn't belong ever!
Don't try to convince her that the reason for breaking up with you are racist. She knows... because she IS racist. Why would you want to date someone who is racist? Racism comes in different levels and dosages. From crazy aggressive outward attacks to subtle micro aggression that can fly under the radar for a while.
Again, I'm so sorry for you to be in this position. She rejected you not for who you are, but for what you are. You will never be able to change this. It is out of your control. Nor should you ever need or want to change what and who you are. And certainly not for her.
Stay proud of your heritage, culture and reflection in the mirror. You are beautiful and an amazing person to date. This is totally her loss. Don't try to get back with her... and deep down you know that ultimately you don't want to date a racist. Keep your head up my friend!
Six
At that young age, it would have been rare that any thing long term would have developed.
Maybe she got freaked out about thinking about "long term" because she is 20 years old, not even old enough to drink and she is has to think about the rest of her life?
Yeah, I'm black too and Ive been with women who love me then leave me because a interracial relationship does come with some bullsh*t from other people. I was really hurt by it too, but then I saw that relationships end for many different reasons. The only thing they have in common is the hurt of a lover of the past.
Don't sweat the racial component of the relationship, you can't change that and she wasn't going to be able to hang with it long term. Better now than a divorce 5-7 years from now.
And don't let this color your future relationships, this was her problem, your next GF doesn't deserve to be punished for her mistakes.
Seven
Bruh. She ain't the one. I can only imagine the hurt you feel. But day by day, little by little, you will get over it. Thankfully you didn't have kids or anything else to permanently tie you. Even if her reason is not the truth the only thing that matters is she doesn't want you long term. So in the meantime take time to yourself. Enjoy time with family and friends. Don't rush to replace her. Grieve the relationship. Mourn for the person you thought she was. Enjoy the little things in life. Eventually you will wake up one day and not have a thought of her. And you will smile. Best wishes.
Eight
From one black man to another (I'm in my late 30s), what I'm about to say is going to sound rough, but it's true.
You're 23. You've spent your entire life thus far going to school and college, where all your fellow peers are constantly being told to treat people fairly and kindly. Now that you've finished college and entered the work force, what happened to you is the start of the "real world." It's going to be a shock.
Life is only going to get tougher from here.
When you apply for an apartment, but there's 10 other people who are also interested, most of them white maybe an asian person, who do you think the manager will rent it to? Be honest.
When you go to a job interview, and they have 5 other equally qualified candidates who are white, you are at the bottom of their choices no matter how impressive your resume is. They'll find any reason to not hire you even if you're the best possible person for the job.
This is only the beginning of a massive sh*t storm that's going to last until the day you die. So you have to develop a tougher skin than this.
I was also in a relationship with a white woman, and I think she genuinely loved me too, but she was under a lot of pressure, and my ethnicity was too much of a liability to her. She was worried about what her parents would say, how her family would react, and what her co-workers and friends might think of her. She didn't leave me because she was just a dumb a** racist who wanted a fling with a Black guy but had zero genuine feelings about me. No, not her. She was beautiful and had a kind heart. However, she couldn't handle the potential stigma that the rest of society and her family would assign her. THAT'S WHEN IT HURTS THE MOST. But yes, I know what it's like to be dumped by a loved one because I am Black. I am not mad at her. I still love her and still think about the years we were together. I hope she is safe, happy, and has what she wants in life. Maybe one day, in the future decades from now, she will be in contact with me again.
Being angry... or hating white people, or hating yourself for being Black, or hating how society is so f---ing racist... is really not going to help. It will consume you. Just like how you see all the poor white people who live in trailers and bitterly blame Black people for all their life's problems, etc... That's what racism turns people into. Don't let it do that to you.
Break ups suck, especially yours. Hold your head up, soldier through this, and be prepared because it's probably going to happen again. And again. And again. Even if you date a Black woman, it can still happen, and THAT would be so bad it takes racism to a whole new level. But there are people out there who will treat you fairly and give you a chance. You will notice them eventually. Keep those people in mind, not the racist sh*theads.
Nine
It is really up to her to think over and deal with - likely that no external intervention will change her feelings. Too bad she didn't signal you earlier.
To me this stuff is often linked to geography. Through the years I (white guy) have had serious relations with two Black women - very little static but most of that coming from Black guys when we would go out to eat or whatever. But we lived where mixed race couples were very common. The ladies and their families were fine with me. I ended up married to an Asian which in some places can be weird. In Hawaii for example it seems most everyone is coupled with a different race person. But in the US South I got stupid stuff like "oh - so you're screwing the maid?"
Point being that maybe a geographic change would help her, but from your post it seems too late for any adjustment. I hope that you can use it as a tough lesson learned if you fail to resurrect it. Check people out early in relationships to be sure that you can proceed "on the same page."
Ten
Give yourself the rest of the day to mourn your relationship and the future you imagined. When you go to bed tonight though you are done just mourning. Sunday when you wake up you are now moving on. Clean your house, go hang out with friends, whatever chores, errands or fun stuff that needs to be done - it doesn't matter how you feel do it anyway.
Monday you go to work. Again it does not matter how you feel. Put on your work face and get sh*t done. If you need to cry it can be done after work.
You're only allowed to fall apart at home after work and everything else is checked off the to-do list. You will get through this. You will have a great life. You can do this.
Scientists Have Developed A New 'Planetary Health Diet' That Could Literally Save Lives And The Planet At The Same Time
In an attempt to help curb worldwide issues such as climate change, and malnutrition in poverty stricken areas, a joint commission by EAT, a non-profit seeking to transform the global food system, and The Lancet, an old and respected medical journal, has released a recommended guideline for dietary and planetary health.
The report recommends cutting back meat consumption to at most, a burger patty or equivalent a week, and supplementing your protein intake with nuts, legumes, and beans. An increase in veggies and fruits would make up the bulk of your meal plate.
The dietary guideline was established by a coalition of over 30 scientists, researchers, and doctors designed not just with human nutrition in mind, but also sustainability. With estimations that the planet will reach 10 billion people by 2050, scientists are working to figure out how to feed them all.
Additionally, the red meat industry has for a long time, been known to be a contributor to greenhouse gasses, while land conversion for food production is the greatest factor in biodiversity loss. The report from the EAT-Lance commission estimates that through nutrition and agricultural changes from this diet, we can save 11 million lives every year.
That sounds pretty great.
The EAT-Lancet commission lists very specific macronutrient ranges for their proposed diet, from 300g of veggies per day, to only 7g for red meats. However, it's this specificity that is drawing criticism.
John Ioannidis, the chair of disease prevention at Stanford university has praised the growing attention to how diets can affect the environment, but states the commission doesn't represent the scientific uncertainty between health and nutrition.
Dr. Georgia Ede, who writes for the site Diagnosis: Diet, took issue with the report's specific recommendations. Dr. Ede's website makes the case for low carb and paleolithic diets.
She points out the commission says,
"We have a high level of scientific certainty about the overall direction and magnitude of associations described in this Commission, although considerable uncertainty exists around detailed quantifications."
And yet, they recommend 0 to 58g per day of poultry, with a 29g midpoint. This seems very specific.
People are not willing to give up meat so easily.
Still, the report is a good starting point for the discussion we need to have about food's connection to not just our health, but the planet's well-being.
As Dr. Howard Frumklin, head of the Wellcome Trust which helped found the EAT foundation says himself,
"The links among diet, health and the environment are well-documented, but, until now, the challenge of attaining healthy diets from a sustainable food system has been hampered by a lack of science-based guidelines.
"While this report does not have all the answers, it provides governments, producers and individuals with an evidence-based starting point to work together to transform our food systems and cultures."
What should be a discussion is turning into an argument.
If we're going to be able to feed everyone, ensure their diet is nutritionally balanced, and try to curb climate change, it's important that people start talking about the positives and negatives of their current diet. The report provides a sense of context to which people can compare and share their ideas and study.
People Are Roasting Trump Over His Mind-Numbing Observation About The Wetness Of Water ๐
Donald Trump thanked the first responders who came to the aid of victims of Hurricane Florence. The storm devastated portions of North Carolina, dumping massive amounts of rain and damaging millions of dollars in property. Many natural areas were destroyed, some farmers lost everything and more than a few people have been left homeless. The first responders after this massive storm were literal life savers, and Trump was absolutely right to thank them. Unfortunately, the sentiment of his message was lost for many people because he didn't seem to put any effort or preparation into what he was saying. Then, in the middle of his off-the-cuff message, he confused everyone by talking about the wetness of water.
Asย Trump described the storm and the importance of first responders he told the world:
This is a tough hurricane, one of the wettest we've ever seen from the standpoint of water. Rarely have we had an experience like it and it certainly is not good.
The Tweet went out in the middle of the day on Tuesday, September 18th. At the time of this article, it hasn't even been up for 24 hours and already has over 13,000 comments. Many of them pointed out how Trump didn't even seem to try...
and how asinine his description was.
We don't know if Trump will continue to address the public by releasing these kinds of videos, or if they will continue to be as unrehearsed as this one is. We assure you, if they are, Twitter will have plenty to say about it.
H/T: Huffington Post, Twitter
Disheartened Young Boy Calls 911 To Ask For Homework Help, And The Dispatcher Doesn't Miss A Beat โค๏ธ
When you're a kid stuck on a really difficult math problem, what can you do? It's not like you can dial 9-1-1 and get help, right?
Right?
Our dispatchers never know what the next call might be.They train for many emergency situations, homework help is nโฆ https://t.co/3t8eT975atโ LafayetteINPolice (@LafayetteINPolice) 1548447263.0
While it's not an endorsed solution, an Indiana boy did just that. On January 14th, he called emergency services due to difficulty with his homework.
The call was answered by Antonia Bundy, a dispatcher with Lafayette Police. Despite the situation being a little less dire than their typical call, Bundy assisted the boy.
The boy starts off the call explaining he "had a really bad day" because of his homework. Bundy asks about the subject he's having difficulty with. As she works through the problem with the boy, Bundy is very patient, not giving him the answer, but instead helping him come to it himself.
It's a really sweet clip to hear.
Boy calls 911 for homework help. So very sweet. https://t.co/RGcyWzbfHNโ Randy #RESISTS (@Randy #RESISTS) 1548714991.0
@merrythedog @LafayetteINPD @PoliceOne @apbweb @WLFI @WTHRcom This melts my heart, that little boy overcame an obstโฆ https://t.co/RYNCdqrTijโ Mindy reinhardt (@Mindy reinhardt) 1548635286.0
My heart goes out to this kid...sounds like he could have used a hug, too....... 911 dispatcher helps student withโฆ https://t.co/49wUeANFjpโ Elizabeth Llorente (@Elizabeth Llorente) 1548793518.0
Again, the department's statement on the situation stresses that 911 services are not for homework help. However, at the time the call was taken, the queue was sparse, and Bundy could see if anyone was on hold. She'd have been ready to help anyone else who called if necessary.
"She's very much a dedicated employee, it doesn't surprise us that she goes above and beyond on a regular basis,"
Said Sergeant Matt Gard of the Lafayette Police.
"They do receive some oddball requests, but this situation of calling asking for homework help โ I've been in law enforcement for 13 years and I don't know I've ever heard of this happening."
Bundy most certainly stepped up!
@LafayetteINPD @PoliceOne @apbweb @WLFI @WTHRcom I love this! I'm so happy this struggling child was not chastisedโฆ https://t.co/eoJEQcScp2โ Gail Burchette (@Gail Burchette) 1548700530.0
@Onlyabrit @LafayetteINPD @PoliceOne @apbweb @WLFI @WTHRcom So true.โ Helena Caesar (@Helena Caesar) 1548671811.0
Solid proof of good humans in this world https://t.co/H17OgFVCfdโ Jenny Lougheed (@Jenny Lougheed) 1548782808.0
@BichonMom3 @LafayetteINPD @PoliceOne @apbweb @WLFI @WTHRcom I was a latch key kid and it can get lonely. Thanks for helping this guy.โ Chris Fox (@Chris Fox) 1548696327.0
Though, if it were someone else, they might have shut this question down due to the fractions alone!
@_shireenahmed_ Couldnโt agree more! (PS I hated solving fractions too)โ James Tyler FC (@James Tyler FC) 1548783401.0
@nonfamousbot @LafayetteINPD @PoliceOne @apbweb @WLFI @WTHRcom poor kids!!โ Nawali โโ (@Nawali โโ) 1548685742.0
@LafayetteINPD @PoliceOne @apbweb @WLFI @WTHRcom Fractions suck, but always ask for help.โ ๐ฝ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐น๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ (@๐ฝ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐น๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐) 1548734529.0
@LafayetteINPD @PoliceOne @apbweb I couldn't be a 911 operator for various reasons but this is the worst case scenaโฆ https://t.co/DFsOak7QS1โ Julie Ann (@Julie Ann) 1548692353.0
At the end of the call, the boy apologizes for calling saying he "really needed help."
While Sgt. Gard is happy that Bundy was able to help and brighten this boy's day, he does want to stress the importance of when to call emergency services. Maybe the school can educate the kids on local homework help lines instead?
Michael C. Hall Is Starring In A One-Night-Only Broadway Musical About SkittlesโAnd No, We're Not Making This Up
Super Bowl Sunday: it's the only time when commercials are more popular than the show they interrupt. However, this year's best ad might not even be on TV.
Funny, irreverent, and sometimes controversial, Super Bowl ads have become as much of an event as the big game itself. Even those who don't watch football will tune in and watch as brands fight it out for the most talked about commercial of the year.
For advertisers though, getting your ad in front of one of the largest television audiences out there doesn't come cheap. A 30-second spot for this year could cost up to $5 million!
Candy maker Skittles decided to skip the Super Bowl and head for Broadway. For one-night-only, Skittles The Musical will appear on Broadway starring everyone's favorite serial killer, Dexter actor Michael C. Hall. No, we're not kidding.
The concept has so many people scratching their heads that Skittles needed to make another ad just to explain it.
Skittles The Musical ))) Starring Michael C. Hallwww.youtube.com
Anxious over appearing in the musical Hall sits down with a therapist, who like the rest of us is not exactly sure what it is. Hall explains the 30 minute advertisement is a real musical, you even have to buy tickets to go see it.
At one point Skittles even takes a self-deprecating jab at themselves and Hall, implying the musical is a terrible career decision.
After all, who is going to pay $207 a ticket to go see a 30 minute advertisement for Skittles?
A whole lot of people apparently
Tickets to the performance at the Town Hall theater in New York are almost sold out. People may not know what's going on, but they are ready to taste the rainbow.
@Skittles Iโm ready! Purchased my tickets #SkittlesTheMusicalโ Corey (@Corey) 1548091647.0
@playbill @Skittles https://t.co/uo9aLkDV2fโ robbie. (@robbie.) 1548135341.0
@playbill @Skittles My mind is blown and my heart is warmed. How fun! โBroadway the rainbowโ indeed โค๏ธ๐งก๐๐๐๐โ Allison Wonderland (@Allison Wonderland) 1548185407.0
If someone takes me to see skittles the musical I'll love them forever.โ โBambiโ (@โBambiโ) 1548218569.0
On its surface Skittles The Musical may just look like an over the top gag from a brand known for its unusual marketing, but Skittles recruited some serious Broadway talent to put it together including playwright Will Eno and a cast straight from some of the biggest shows on Broadway.
According to Skittles the show will take "an absurdly self-reflective look at consumerism and the ever-increasing pervasiveness of brand advertising in our lives."
And if that wasn't enough Skittles will also be donating all the proceeds from the show to Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. Skittles parent company will match that donation up to $50,000. You had our attention Skittles, now you have our interest.
Wait so rather than spend a bucket load of ๐ฐto take out a 30sec ad during the SuperBowl, @Skittles will present a Lโฆ https://t.co/OVnNQfQ506โ Christopher D. Clegg (@Christopher D. Clegg) 1548096836.0
@cadimy @playbill @Skittles If you read the article, it addresses that they're doing a short show in lieu of a supeโฆ https://t.co/3Hxm2lNLyIโ a dope ghost (@a dope ghost) 1548094203.0
@lnternetqueer @playbill @Skittles well that's quite neat!โ ๐ฆ (@๐ฆ) 1548094980.0
There is no telling how a commercial/Broadway musical from the bizarre minds over at Skittles will turn out, but it's guaranteed to be an performace like Broadway has never seen before.