Foster Kids Share What Their Foster Parents Could Have Done To Improve Their Quality Of Life
If you can't parent.... don't!
Raising a child is life's most difficult and rewarding challenge. A lot of kids are taken in by families and fostered because their birth families weren't up to the task. All kids need love, no matter if they share your DNA or not. Now no parent is perfect but there are somethings that foster parents should take into account and learn in order to make sure the children they are choosing to help are receiving the best care possible.
Redditor u/animalsaremyfriends reached out the to the foster kids on the net to ask... Foster kids of Reddit, what do you wish your foster parents would have known so your experience would have been better? If you're going to foster, listen up.
Your foster kids are your real kids!
Your biological kids were mean to me.
I had that experience and I'm sorry that you had it too. The first foster home that I was in, they had adopted daughters and the older one of the two would constantly terrorize Me by hitting me in the head and pulling my hair and pushing me and just all kinds of terrible stuff. And her younger daughter saw it and even went with me to the Foster mother and backed up my claims of what was happening but she still had me shipped off to another foster home and when she sat me down right before I left and asked me do you know why I'm having you moved? I said no and she said because I can't have you telling lies about my daughter.
I said I'm not lying and she said well I think you are. Well I never saw her again thank God. I also wish that they knew terrifying it is to be away from home no matter how bad your home situation was. And to live with the knowledge that just as you start to get comfortable and get used to your living situation you can be moved at a moment's notice. Also how hard it is to have to constantly switch schools and make new friends and try to keep up with the old ones. And to have your things thrown in a garbage bag in a quick move. It makes you feel like you're worthless and that you're garbage and that no one will ever really love you like they love their own children.
Family Dog
My third foster parent said to me that she would care more if the family dog or a stranger on the street got hit by a car and died than if I did. I think it was in the context of telling me her kid was priority. I was removed from that home a bit later.
I choose not to give that woman power over me anymore, either through anger or pain. But for a long time it sucked. She was a teacher at the school I continued to attend as well...
The great thing is we get to move on and choose not to be miserable people like they were.
Kids aren't generic.
You didn't need to lock up the brand name foods from me. You didn't need to lock me out of the house any time you weren't home.
First Fam
First family I was placed with, I did not care for. They liked to punish you, and make you sit in your bedroom all day and all night. My sister and I were together at first, then she was causing problems so they put her in another home. Months later my social worker asked if I was happy where I was, I said no. I was about 6-7 at the time. They put me in a new home, where the family was huge, and everyone was awesome. They wanted to adopt me but my dad took me out after about 3 years cause the state said he had to pay for me or something like that. Then my life went to hell with my step mom, and I spent summers with my foster family because they were loving, caring and just all around good people.
Don't give up so easy!
Try to remember that they were taken away from their homes for a reason, and there might be an enormous amount of "culture shock" for them in a normal household. My first foster family kicked me out for leaving a tissue on the floor and forgetting to replace the toilet paper roll twice in a row. I came from a hoarder crack house with no running water. For the first several years of my life, I had to use a coffee can to do my business and often times all we had to wipe with was old socks that then went into the trash. So... yes I was in the wrong there, but I still think sending me to a group home was a bit of an extreme reaction. In their defense I was their first foster kid though.
Return To Sender
That threatening to "send me back" when I acted out, was really messed up. Also that I don't take threats idly, as you found out.
How about we stick you?
You didn't have to beat me with the sticks you broke off the bushes because I didn't eat the veggies. I never had them before.
Socialize
I wish they had understood that not letting me around other kids (I wasn't allowed to socialize outside of school), telling me I was a rude kid, and making me stay in a dark room with nothing to do (they owned a mattress store, and when they were working and I wasn't in school, I was sitting in the storage room on top of the mattresses (don't worry, they were wrapped)), was really horrible for my health, and I have had lifelong medical issues because of it, which began while I was living there.
Talk to me...
Someone should have asked me questions. Everyone laid back, letting me talk about things if I wanted to bring them up. Only I was never allowed to bring things up before and I thought their lack of questions meant I wasn't supposed to talk about any of it. So I didn't. This extended to other areas too. Once my parent's rights were terminated, for example, I was free for adoption. They thought if wanted to be adopted, I would ask. But I couldn't ask something like that, there was no way.
Obligatory not me, but my parents fostered probably twenty kids in ten or so years. They treated every kid that came into our home exactly as they treated their legal children: as family. The things we heard about other foster homes was horrific. One memory stands out most: we had siblings, a boy and girl come for a few months after severe abuse and neglect.
About a week in, we discovered that the girl was only eating half her food at mealtimes and hiding the rest in her room for her and her brother, which we learned is common for foster children. They aren't always sure where their next meal may come from in an unstable home so they stock up just in case. Well my mom gathered her and her little brother up, marched them into the kitchen, opened up the pantry and fridge and told them that they could eat whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted so long as it was eaten in the kitchen or dining room because she wanted to make sure it wasn't going to go stale or attract bugs in their bedrooms.
I was maybe ten at the time, the kids were seven or eight and six. They both were just stunned and kept asking, "even this? Even these?" And my mom kept assuring them that anything they wanted was theirs to eat whenever they were hungry. Both kids cried and hugged her. I never realized how privileged I was until I saw children crying over cereal and granola bars. They had literally never been in a home where they were able to eat when and what they wanted. She even made sure that they went shopping with her so they could choose foods they liked.
Both kids were significantly underweight when they moved in and when they left to live with family out of state, my mom was thrilled to tell the case worker that they were both now in a perfectly healthy weight range. After that, when we'd have new kids come in, we always gave them a tour and made sure they knew the kitchen would always be open for them. Around half of them were surprised or even shocked and "tested" my parents by eating things at weird hours to make sure my folks were good on their promise. They always were. I guess my point is that there are some things that seem super obvious to people who've never been in a dire situation aren't as obvious to someone coming from a broken place.
A Note From Then To Now
If you can, send them a card from time to time. You have no idea how much they wonder how you turned out and what you are up to. My parents have fostered for ages and that type of stuff is what drives them.
My mom had one foster child pulled from our house right before Christmas because the child exhibited some serious violent tendencies at school . That kid's wrapped Christmas presents have been stored in a closet for about twenty years now. Kind of think mom expects her to come calling one day so she can still give them to her.
Parents and good foster parents never forget and always want to hear from you.
Sadistic
My parents had one foster kid whose birth parents evidently made him smash his own toys to bits when he got in trouble. Was a serious wtf for all of us. Kid did something wrong and you had to watch him to make sure he didn't destroy something. And I am not talking being mad and pummeling it. I mean being quite and weeping while pulling something apart bit by bit. One of the saddest things I have ever witnessed.
This Store Clerk's Reaction To A Stolen Sneaker Prank Should Earn Him Employee Of The Month
Twitter user @HarvinthSkin decided to give a sales associate as his local shoe store a heart attack with a silly prank. All over the internet, people are sharing the prank and sending their well-wishes to the poor worker who experienced a moment of pure panic!
Don't worry too much about the unfortunate sales employee, however—it turns out he was given a raise as a consolation shortly thereafter!
The owner of the shoe store made clear to Skin that his employees were not to be messed with.
On Twitter, people loved the sales clerk's reaction to Skin running out of the store.
Some thought they may have reacted differently in the same situation...
But everyone got a good laugh out of the innocent prank.
The incident also gave us some priceless reactions!
Remember, everyone: it's important to try before you buy!
George R.R. Martin Just Confirmed A Popular 'Game Of Thrones' Fan Theory About White Walkers
Game of Thrones scribe George R.R. Martin is promoting his new book in the A Song of Ice and Fire series, and provided insight into a group of characters fans have been waiting to learn more about.
As an author known to inject symbolism into the fantastical worlds he creates, Martin revealed that the icy group of White Walkers from Game of Thrones personified climate change.
What the ancient humanoid race of icy creatures stand for is a concept many have theorized all along.
Now fans received confirmation from the author himself.
Martin may have prognosticated climate change while he was writing GoT. The cold that transcends upon Westeros sounds eerily familiar.
"It's kind of ironic," Martin told the New York Times.
"Because I started writing 'Game of Thrones' all the way back in 1991, long before anybody was talking about climate change."
"But there is — in a very broad sense — there's a certain parallel there. And the people in Westeros are fighting their individual battles over power and status and wealth."
He added:
"And those are so distracting them that they're ignoring the threat of 'winter is coming,' which has the potential to destroy all of them and to destroy their world."
"And there is a great parallel there to, I think, what I see this planet doing here, where we're fighting our own battles. We're fighting over issues, important issues, mind you — foreign policy, domestic policy, civil rights, social responsibility, social justice. All of these things are important."
Martin continued:
"But while we're tearing ourselves apart over this and expending so much energy, there exists this threat of climate change, which, to my mind, is conclusively proved by most of the data and 99.9 percent of the scientific community. And it really has the potential to destroy our world."
"And we're ignoring that while we worry about the next election and issues that people are concerned about, like jobs."
Marten stressed the importance of caring for the environment, adding that protecting it should be a top priority.
"So really, climate change should be the number one priority for any politician who is capable of looking past the next election."
"We spend 10 times as much energy and thought and debate in the media discussing whether or not N.F.L. players should stand for the national anthem than this threat that's going to destroy our world."
When the author was asked if he could "pick the best real-world, present-day match — politicians, celebrities" and pair them up with corresponding characters from his novels, Martin answered: "Pass."
Fire and Blood: 300 Years Before a Game of Thrones, is expected to be released on November 20.
H/T - NYtimes, Twitter, Mentalfloss
Scotland Tackles Transphobia and Homophobia In Brilliant New Billboard Ads ❤️
The Scottish government has had enough of hate crimes and is moving forward with a gutsy campaign.
According to Pink News, Scotland is launching a new initiative to combat intolerance with messages respectively addressing "bigots," "disablists," "homophobes," "racists," and "transphobes" in a series of ads circulating across the country.
Each message is signed on behalf of Scotland.
The campaign is part of the Scottish government's One Scotland project in an effort to reduce hate crime.
One letter reads:
"Dear transphobes, do you think it's right to harass people in the street? Right to push transgender people around in clubs? Right to humiliate, intimidate and threaten them online? Well we don't."
"That's why if we see you doing harm, we're reporting you. We believe people should be allowed to be themselves. Except if they're spreading hate."
"Yours, Scotland."
In another letter, the country says it has a "phobia" of homophobic behavior.
"If you torment people because of who they love, shout word that we are not going to write, or use violence because you don't like who someone is holding hands with, you should be worried."
"If we see or hear your abuse, we're calling the police. That's because love lives in this country, not hate."
"Yours, Scotland."
One Scotland's website describes the organization as one that aims to continue building an inclusive society while recognizing the significant strides made so far towards equality.
"One Scotland embodies the inclusive society we want in Scotland, where equality and human rights are respected and every individual and minority group feels valued."
The website defines hate crimes as abuse that "can be verbal or physical and has hugely damaging effects on the victims, their families and communities, and we all must play our part to challenge it."
"Police Scotland takes hate crime very seriously. In the last year there were over 5,300 charges of hate crime reported to the Procurator Fiscal in Scotland1."
"However, there are many more incidents that go unreported. We all have a responsibility to report hate crime if we witness it – it's the only way we can challenge it, and put an end to it for good."
Justice minister Humza Yousaf is familiar with being a victim of a bigotry and is encouraging people to call out and report any incidents involving harassment.
"As somebody who has faced Islamaphobic and racial abuse over the years, I know how upsetting being a victim of hate can be. Hate crime and prejudice are completely unacceptable and we are absolutely committed to tackling it."
"We all have a role to play in stamping out prejudice and I would ask anyone who witnesses a hate crime to play their part and report it. Justice agencies such the police and Crown Office will deal sensitively with reports made and people should have confidence in how they will be treated. Last year there were over 5,300 charges of hate crime reported to the Procurator Fiscal in Scotland but there are still many incidents that are going unreported."
Henrietta Mochrie identifies as transgender and has been the victim of repeated harassment and abuse. She emphasized the importance of speaking out against the hatred.
"I'll often get street harassment, sometimes this has escalated to the point where I've been followed by people shouting abuse at me, just because of who I am."
"It makes me feel really down and scared to leave the house. It's important that if you witness hate crime that you report it to take a stand against hate."
One Scotland's ad campaign officially launched on Wednesday.
Hopefully, it won't take too long before other nations follow suit in this bold, yet necessary fight for equality.
H/T - OneScotland, PinkNews, Twitter
Feminists Slam Man Telling Them They Can't Have Both Chivalry And Equality
A man on Twitter informed feminists they had to choose between chivalry and equality.
He was promptly raked over the coals for even assuming an antiquated concept would be considered as a viable option.
Twitter user @Rich_Cooper stated:
"Dear feminists. You either get equality or chivalry. You can't have both."
One user responded:
"I'll take equality. I don't need special treatment."
Cooper's rhetorical question did not go over so well. Both women and men expressed their disdain for his message.
One male user observed that chivalry was irrelevant and treating everyone with kindness and respect was compulsory.
"What people care about is caring, empathic [sic], considerate, thoughtful people, NOT whether THEIR door is held for them or THEIR meal is paid for them."
"Are there gender stereotypes in het[erosexual] dating? Sure. But that's separate from being a warm, giving, caring, grounded person."
Some women got right down to the point.
The notion of chivalry and equality are mutually exclusive and not a lot of people thought it was a major priority for feminists.
Common courtesy is not chivalry.
This user pointed out the fact that chivalry stems from a history of men outdoing other men. The concept had very little to do with women.
"Chivalry is a medieval concept of men dressing to impress other men. It has little to do with equality."
"Some men were on top, other men were beneath them. Historically, women were rarely invited into the process."
Neil Bradley described the outdated concept of chivalry as one that implies men being superior to women in a September 8, 2017, article for Medium publications.
"Examples: opening the door for a woman, paying for a woman's meal, gesturing for a woman to go first. The justification is either that women are not physically as strong (to open the door), able to provide (pay for their own meal), or are more deserving of compassion than men (allowing women to go first)."
Bradley also added that he wants to treat others the way he wants to be treated and asked if that approach should be motivated by chivalry or equality.
"If the genders are to be considered equal and treated equally, how a man treats a woman will essentially be the same as how a man treats a man."
"The obligation to open the door, pay for the meal, and let women go first vanishes. Men do not do this to other men, therefore why do it for women?"
His final take was that the two concepts can't co-exist. Either one is chivalrous or treats everyone as equals.
At the end of the day, people were happy to show chivalry the door.
H/T - GettyImages, Twitter, Indy100, Medium















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