It's always sad when people don't have anything better to do than throw insults at people.
And yet it happens far too often, between people who see each other on a fairly regular basis, as well as complete strangers.
It's always a good idea to avoid sinking to their level when this happens, and just ignore them and walk on by.
That being said, there is very little more satisfying than coming back at them with just the right choice of words, and leaving them in stunned silence.
Redditor random-joe-shmoe was curious to learn the all time best comebacks people heard to any and all insults, leading them to ask:
"What is the greatest comeback to an insult you’ve ever heard?"
Yo Mamma!
"My best friend: After an argument with some kid from our school in a shop we began walking away down the street..."
"Kid: 'where you going?'"
"Friend: 'your moms house'."
"Kid: 'my mom lives the other way idiot'."
"Friend: 'Nah, i meant your real mom'.”- FourShott
Don't Tell Me How To Do My Job!
"Air Traffic Control doing a poor job of vectoring an Airbus A330 in for landing."
"Pilot: 'You've left us too high, I don't think we can make the approach'."
"ATC: "You've got speedbreaks on that thing, don't you?'"
"Pilot: (After a noticeable pause) 'Yes, but those are for my mistakes, not yours'."- DerpDishPizza
If You Can't Take Heat...
"A friend in high school on our way to a track meet."
"He was staring at a car in the parking that was really nice."
"When this dbag saw him."
"Dbag: 'Why bothering looking at that when you know you’ll never be able to get one?'”
"My friend: 'The same reason you watch porn'.”
"The entire bus erupted and it’s still one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard."- RedIguanaLeader
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The Only Thing Worse Than People Talking About You?...
"A dude in my class called out a semi friend of mine."
"That people are talking behind his back."
"In fact, that wasn’t the case, as far as I know, and that guy said: 'Well you know what the say about you?'"
"'Nothing, nobody f*cking cares'.“ Reddit
Seriously, Mind Your Own Business
"So there was 2 girls fighting and one of them looks at my sister who was minding her own business and says: you go to hell too!"
"My sister: do you want me to say anything to your mom?" - Reddit
Take It Like A Real Man!
"It's gotta be the Aliens locker room scene for me."
"Hudson: 'Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?'"
"Vasquez: 'No, have you?'"- Mike-Drop
James Cameron Aliens GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment
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When You Get The Teacher In Stitches...
"English class in Middle School."
"Kid A - 'yo, Kid B, your mama waited on me at McDonalds last night'."
"'Must feel like sh*t having a mom that works at McDonalds'."
"Kid B- 'at least MY mom gets out of bed to go to work'."
"English teacher far louder than he realized 'DAYUM!'."
"The rest of us were laughing so hard, the teacher next door popped her head in to see what was going on."- Nutella_Zamboni
Living Up To His Reputation
"Context: John Oliver from HBO interviews Stephen Hawking (may he rest in peace)."
"JO: 'And there may be a universe where I am more intelligent than you?'."
"SH: 'There may even be a universe where you are funny'."- bugfish03
When They Go Low, You Go High!
"Overheard by me, the school bus driver."
"One fifth grade student was belittling a first grader."
"When it was time for a comeback, first grader shouts out, 'Congratulations!'"
"The bewildered fifth grader had nothing to say and went to sit down with her friends in the back of the bus."- emzirek
Jeff Goldblum What GIF by The Late Late Show with James Corden
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Logical...
"Joe Pyne interviewing Frank Zappa."
"Joe: 'I guess your long hair makes you a woman'."
"FZ: 'I guess your wooden leg makes you a table'." Reddit
Keep It Simple
"You're doodoo."
"My friend's answer."- Kazuhiko101
Wonder Why This Didn't Work Out...
"Ok so just to set the scene a bit."
"When I was with my ex, we both had very different attitudes to time-keeping and work."
"I am a self-employed, dyslexic with A.D.D who at the time worked in the live music industry so I had to always be very punctual and organized."
"My partner at the time was an english literature student, who was maybe the most disorganized person I had met."
"My ex would lose 3 or 4 phones a year, got fired from jobs every few months because they always turned up late and had to repeat a semester of uni because my ex didn't do enough work and/or wouldn't turn up some times."
"In a nutshell my ex was late for everything all the time."
"Despite all this my ex was always annoyed at me for leaving home early to go to work and always turning up on time because I was too punctual according to them."
"As if this is a bad thing."
"You can now see why we are not together any more."
"So one day, and this is probably due to my dyslexia, A.D.D and the fact that I am aware of it, I leave my ex's apartment early to go to work on Tuesday."
"When I get to work I realize that I've made a mistake and I've mixed up Tuesday with Thursday."
"Feeling a bit silly I phone my partner at the time and tell them I've mixed my days up and can come back to their apartment."
"We laugh it off as a stupid mistake but my ex see's it as me being so punctual that I turn up to work two days early."
"Now that I've explained the back story."
"My ex thinks it's a good time to bring it up again in the pub with myself all their pals."
"This is how it goes."
"My ex: 'omg you'll never guess what'."
"My ex's pals: 'What?'"
"My ex: 'So my partner takes their job so seriously and is so punctual that they turned up to work two days early. They turned up on Tuesday when they were supposed to work on Thursday Hahahahah."
"My ex's pals and myself: Hahahahahaha'."
"Myself: Yeah my partner is so late for everything that they had to repeat a semester of university!!! HAHAHAHAH'."
"My ex's pals: 'HAHAHHHAHAHAHAHA!'"
"My ex: 'I don't find this funny'."
"Myself: 'I do'."
"Still makes my chuckle to this day."
"We split up a few years later."
"Took them 2 months to clear their stuff out."- surfinbear1990
Not Funny GIF by Simon Rex / Dirt Nasty
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Sibling Rivalry...
"My older brother was getting messed with by our older sister holding her baby and saying."
"'So, how you and your Ex doing?'"
"They broke up several weeks ago."
"'You gonna get back together? You gonna say you miss her and want her? You want send her some kisses?'"
"Something along those lines."
"The usual sibling kind of messing around."
"So as the little brother I step in and say."
"'Oh is that how you and your boyfriend got back together?'"
"My older sis stays silent while my bro laughs and I kill both of them as follow up and say 'now we have our niece'."- Shadow_Storm21
Divine Intervention
"So my boyfriend's dad is a priest and my boyfriend's big brother got bullied for that by another guy who said 'my dad is much cooler than yours' and stuff like that ."
"So my boyfriend's brother said back 'your dad is probably cooler than mine but my dad can bury your dad and get paid for it'."- Lill_Amalie
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Don't Touch The Hair!
"I have really curly hair."
"Genetics from my father."
"My father lost his hair years ago so basically he’s bald."
"And whenever I wake up in the morning, my hair is literally in the air."
"Not kidding, it either looks like an Eiffel Tower or I look like Chewbacca."
"Because of COVID-19 my father is stuck in another country."
"Here’s how one of our conversations went one morning after I woke up."
"My father: 'Be careful [my name] your hair might get stuck in the fan."
"Hahaha."
"Me: 'You don’t have any fans nor any hair! Ahah!'"
"I still find it funny thinking my 9yr old brain to reply like that."- Myra_Akido2020
Petty Threats
"This happened between friends, but it was still hilarious."
" Friend 1 'Shut up or I'll egg your house'."
"Friend 2: 'You can't even afford eggs'."- JoeyBad_SaladTour
It's sad when people have nothing better to do than belittle others.
Making it hard to feel that they get just what they deserve when someone school's them with a clever comeback.
Hopefully teaching them to use their time a bit more wisely going forward.
Kids say the cutest things, don't they?
Their unfiltered observations about life's many mysteries can be downright hilarious and serve as reminders of their pure innocence.
But it's less forgivable when adults make naive comments because, well, shouldn't they know better?
That's not always the case, however.
Curious to hear ridiculous examples of the things grown people say, Redditor Automatic_Hedgehog71 asked:
"What is the silliest statement you have ever heard someone make?"
Some people should really think twice before opening their mouth.
Work Of Art
"'How did they get the paint all the way up the sides?' -Middle-aged woman touring the Meteor Crater in AZ."
“'That’s not paint, those are the actual colors of the rock' -Her husband, giving her a long stare and walking away."
– ghostbungalow
For Trial And Error
"I had a boss say 'oh you don’t want kids, you should just have one to try it out.'"
"Really, and what happens if I find out that I truly don’t want kids? Can we just put it back where it came from?"
– tyintegra
Confused Soldier
"I worked at a place that gave a military discount."
"Family (mom, dad, adult son, adult daughter) walked in. Dad was reading the prices and pointed out to the son that he could get a discount!"
"This kid takes the sign, reads it, and says, as God is my witness:"
"I'm not in the military. I'm in the Army."
– JustMeerkats
To Live Or Let Die
"Someone once told me that paramedics/nurses/doctors are not allowed to do CPR on someone they know because it’s 'a conflict of interest.'”
– corviknight2259
It's a wonder how some people manage to live in the real world.
Know Your Audience When Using Big Words
"Sat down to eat with a friend. I said 'I'm famished' she looked at me, laughed and LOUDLY she said to me 'I swear you make up words sometimes.'"
– NotBadSinger514
"Oh man people say this to me all the time! Why did I read books and learn so many words, when no one understands them, and I really didn't think they were so pretentious, words like Famished."
– Person_Letter_629
Not Icarus
"A friend of mine said she got more tanned when riding her bike than she did when walking because on her bike, she was 'closer to the sun.'"
– Five_Star_Amenities
"This just reminded me of a time I was out on a boat with a big group of people and one of them said 'I’m so glad it’s windy, I won’t get sunburned' they thought the wind would push the light away from their skin. I was the only one to say it definitely doesn’t work like that and I could tell they thought I was wrong."
– Thbbbt_Thbbbt
The Symptoms Indicate Otherwise
"Earlier today I offered a cough drop upon my flight’s landing to the lady wet coughing right behind me the whole flight."
'Oh, no thanks, I’m not sick. I just went to Oregon and have felt awful the whole time since.'
"Okay…so…sick"
– ACaparzo
Completely Lost
"A friend once said she couldn't take Southwest Airlines because she was flying east to Florida."
– ProudCatLadyxo
"How do they get the planes back? Do they repaint them as Northeast? Or do they just push them?"
– ch4m3le0n
"They just keep flying south until they come back around."
– frymeyourpoop
A Silly Sports Spectator Said
"I was at a baseball game in Cincinnati and the teenage girl behind turned to her friend and said 'this is so cool, it's almost like we're watching it live.' I think about that a lot."
"EDIT: based on the look of the girls and their other conversations this was no joke, there was no laughing either. Don't remember the exact year but flip phones were the most common cell phone and we had seats in the outfield so she didn't appear to be watching the game thru her phone. This also wasn't the first time that day where I heard them say something and I stopped what I was doing and stared straight into space, just the most memorable. They seemed like nice enough girls, no malicious or rude conversations, it just appeared like they lacked some basic intelligence for some relatively simple concepts."
– Michael_With_An_M
You can't be difficult and clueless at the same time, can you?
Observe exhibits A, B, & C.
Unpalatable Texture
"A woman tried to send back a dish. She didn’t understand the components of it and tried to tell me that she couldn’t eat it because she was allergic to crunchy. Like yeah the texture. Not the ingredient that we had made crunchy."
– BuckleupBirds
"LMAO. Makes me feel better about the guy who asked a friend (server) for ‘Mushroom risotto, but without the rice’."
– Mavises
I'll Have The Pie And Ice Cream With A Side Of Ice Cream
"Had an older family member that back in the day went to a diner and ordered the 'pie a la mode' from the menu. He then proceeded to ask the waitress if they could put a little ice cream on top of that. : )"
– Fluffing_Satan
My husband and I were walking around a gift shop in Solvang, CA, and marveling at some of the various tchotchkes.
One of them was a MOVA globe.
MOVA globes are usually about the size of a softball held up by three small supports, and they rotate without the use of electrical wires or batteries.
Instead, they're powered by the combination of solar cells and torque from the earth's magnetic field. We didn't know this at the time, however.
When a worker nearby saw us being mesmerized by the shelf of spinning globes, he commented, "Cool, right?"
And I replied, "Yeah, how does it work?"
The dude gave a sly smile and said:
"It's an optical delusion."
Or illusion...
We all have various brands and businesses we tend to prefer over others.
Sometimes, we might not patronize these businesses because they have a superior product, but because they might seem more trustworthy than their competitors.
Indeed, some people have had such terrible experiences with companies, even some esteemed corporations, that they went running from them straight into the arms of one of their rivals.
Vowing that they would never, ever spend money on this company ever again.
Redditor SignificantClick8284 was eager to hear which companies people have zero trust in, leading them to ask:
"What company will you never trust again?"
Their Poor Communication Is Kind Of Ironic...
"Comcast."
"Their agents will lie to your face and act like you're in the wrong when called out."- bigdammit
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Not A Place To Spend Or Save Your Money...
"Ashley Furniture."
"Joke of a company."
"Bank of America - also scum."- KrankOverman
Better Question, What Question Will You EVER Trust Again...
"Unfurls paper scroll that stretches to the floor and rolls out the door."
"Ahem."- djb2589
"I see no reason to trust any company."- lycos94
When The Conformation Email Is Moot...
"Booking.com."
"I 'booked' through them just to find out that the hotel had no record of my reservation."
"Then I spent an hour in the lobby trying to get them on the phone, just to find out the price wouldn’t be honored and have them try to sell me another nearby hotel room."
"Nightmare."- DuncanAerilious
"Oh, oh The Well's Fargo Wagon Is A Comin'..."
"Wells Fargo."- clubberlang2005
"Yup."
"I was one of the WF customers who suddenly had 3 mystery WF accounts under my name."
"This was prior to the court case so I went in to my branch to ask WTF."
"The manager said the guy who set up those accounts was the same guy that setup my original 2 accounts - a checking and savings account."
"That a-hole tried to make it sound like he was doing me a favor by setting up all these accounts."
"Making it worse he says I need to login to my account in order for him to remove the other 3 accounts."
"He hands me that password box, I enter my password and he says 'that's an easy one to remember'."
"Is that your favorite band?'"
"After he said that I asked for the branch manager and told him what just happened and that I was closing all of my accounts'."- thescreamingstone
kate mckinnon snl GIF by Saturday Night Live
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"That's All Folks!"
"ACME."
"Every f8cking thing."
"From anvils to bat suits to zoot suits always FAIL."- alien_survivor
Not Equipped For The Digital Age
"HP."
"Thier printers (large and small format) are all complete trash that require constant upkeep."- Bluegrass_Barbarian
Pictures And Fine Print Can Be Misleading...
"Airbnb."- pkovach64
"My wife and I were drinking and got pretty drunk at an Airbnb and without letting us know the hosts sent a bunch of people to the property to refill the propane and other stuff."
"They came into the house while we were drunk and half-naked and were catcalling my wife in front of me."
"This was a pretty big and well-known group operating in Tennesee."
"From what we found out this is extremely common."- Huge-Plantain-8418
Giveaway GIF by AppSumo
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Analog Has Its Benefits...
"EA."- bullet312
"I lost all my sims sh*t because I hadn't logged in for more than 6 months."
"EA told me to reset my password so that they could restore my account."
"They kept saying the link was in my email, but it never came."
"Kept calling to try to get the issue fixed over a few weeks, then I realized they were just d*cking me around."
"F*ck EA."- MotherOfDogs1872
And To Think They're Supposed To Help You...
"Any insurance company."
"Especially health and homeowners."- carolizzy81
FalsE Advertising
"Nabisco."
"They took double stuffed Oreos, reduced the amount of cream to the same as the regular Oreos, and are still selling them as double stuffed, and are charging double stuffed prices!"
"The betrayal is unforgivable."- It_Wasnt_Me79
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As If Taxes Aren't Annoying Enough...
"Jackson Hewitt!"
"Had our taxes done a while back, and the tax preparer asked if we wanted the $200 cash advance."
"We did not."
"She then proceeded to change our information and use hers to get the temporary card with the advance."
'She then used an ATM to withdraw cash."
"She was arrested, but getting a refund was like pulling teeth from a hen."
'They didn't believe that it happened even though we had the paperwork with the tax preparer's information on it."
"It was a frigging nightmare!"
"Oh, I almost forgot she added me to the return and said I was the sister instead of the mom, so we ended up owing $1500 on top of the bullsh*t from the tax preparer."
"I do our taxes now."- RoguePhoenix259
People like to know when they're spending money that it's going somewhere they can trust.
Especially if their money is going somewhere that is supposed to keep their money safe, to begin with...
People's Wildest 'WTF Is Wrong With You?' Experiences